Is he too young? (punishment, infants, son, 3 yr old)
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I'm also in the camp with not being ok with a 2.5 year old going without mom/primary caretaker for long. I wouldn't do it until 5-6 years old, but even then with people my kid knows very well. I would never allow her to spend time with ghetto people or a person who plans to physically hit her- period.
Would it be possible to take a trip there and allow him to visit for a few days with you being able to meet the people who will be caring for him? I think it's unreasonable to expect you to hand him over to people who are of questionable character. Especially when he can't ring you up and tell you he's not feeling secure about all that. On the other hand, maybe it's fine but you have to know that in your heart, imo.
Compromise, the father is working hard at being involved with his son, and thats something to be applauded. Discuss your concerns, and see if maybe you could change it-try a 3 week visit, and if that works out say lets try 4 weeks next year, 5 the year after that, and 6 the year after that.
The spanking is a separate issue and you should discuss it with him as a separate issue in a separate conversation-address it as a "changing the rules the child lives under in this fashion where more spanking occur at your home then mine will make our mutual child dislike you and not see it as a discipline issue, but simply that you're mean" And discuss what you do.
Basically this doesn't have to be a confrontation, it can be a discussion.
And as many others have said-get the custody issue resolved, there's nothing worse then having it up in the air when suddenly a argument arises and there's no enforceable ground rules. This also can be done in a way thats working together rather then apart, and this 6 week visit request could be resolved by you both as part of it.
I think you misunderstand. He isn't going to pawn my son off but family is an integral part of his life. He grew up with 50 cousins etc and they grew up camping, learning to fight, playing, and going to church together. Their family has their own church. They are a huge family and everyone is raised together. And they encourage the kids to "fight fight" at an early age. Not sure why this is, but most likely because the schools the kids go to are schools where you need to know how to fight. And the parents raise their kids with whipping/spanking. They don't intentionally curse the kids out(I shouldn't say that) but they curse around the kids. And some of his extended family is educated and decent and fine. But some used to be in gangs and smoke weed, etc.
My ex lives in a safe area away from the extended family. But some of his family lives in unsafe areas(not the really really bad parts of Chicago though). Just areas where roaches and welfare and poverty is dominant. Some of them are trying to do better, and all of them want better for their kids but the reality is that they still have that survival mentality and are ghetto(some are). Like I said my ex immediate family is fine and normal. It's just the rest. And I know they all want to see my son because he is the one child that no one ever really sees. They are all very very close....
Nothing here indicates a reason for a judge to limit his visitation.
Remember, a custody agreement is an agreement, which means you both have to agree to it. Start talking to the father about the details and try to get him on the same page with you as much as possible about how to raise him. Since he wasn't raised ghetto and his immediate family is fine and normal, hopefully he doesn't want to raise his child like some of his cousins were raised.
He grew up with 50 cousins etc and they grew up camping, learning to fight, playing, and going to church together. Their family has their own church. They are a huge family and everyone is raised together. And they encourage the kids to "fight fight" at an early age.
Now I'm even more leery than I was was from your previous posts. They have their own church but they encourage fighting? What kind of religion do they practice that teaches them to handle disputes with violence?
A friend of mine knew a very religious couple who kept a belt on the coffee table and used it on their toddler son every time he did something "bad" - like spill juice - and the fact that these people curse at and beat children is completely inappropriate. It sickened her to see the child whipped for typical childhood behavior and she finally cut off contact with them.
Of course dad has a right to see his son, but my guess is, it won't be long before your son isn't interested in visiting anymore.
Now I'm even more leery than I was was from your previous posts. They have their own church but they encourage fighting? What kind of religion do they practice that teaches them to handle disputes with violence?
A friend of mine knew a very religious couple who kept a belt on the coffee table and used it on their toddler son every time he did something "bad" - like spill juice - and the fact that these people curse at and beat children is completely inappropriate. It sickened her to see the child whipped for typical childhood behavior and she finally cut off contact with them.
Of course dad has a right to see his son, but my guess is, it won't be long before your son isn't interested in visiting anymore.
Just because a family 'goes to church together' doesn't mean they have their own church. They probably just all go to the same church in their area. Church can often be as much a social event for some communities as a religious experience.
So where in the daylights to you get that? (And for the record, I am very against most religion.....but that is stretching it beyond what as said.)
...but my guess is, it won't be long before your son isn't interested in visiting anymore.
The father has 50 cousins who have kids of their own. That means the OP's son will have huge extended family. I don't know about you, but I always enjoyed visiting my relatives so I could play with cousins my age. Even though some family members are more ghetto than others, it sounds like an incredible family experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
Just because a family 'goes to church together' doesn't mean they have their own church. They probably just all go to the same church in their area. Church can often be as much a social event for some communities as a religious experience.
So where in the daylights to you get that? (And for the record, I am very against most religion.....but that is stretching it beyond what as said.)
She said they have their own church. One of the family members is probably a minister who established a nondenominational Christian church, maybe even a Baptist church. I agree it's a leap to say that the church itself is teaching children to use violence.
Hey it's just me but why hasn't anyone suggested Helllllll Nooooooo. If you can get a week off take him and then let the father do a week where you are. You do need to get your paperwork in order such as an up to date will and beneficiary designations just in case anything happens to you.
Rather than seeking message board advice it might be better to speak with your immediate family.
The father has 50 cousins who have kids of their own. That means the OP's son will have huge extended family. I don't know about you, but I always enjoyed visiting my relatives so I could play with cousins my age. Even though some family members are more ghetto than others, it sounds like an incredible family experience.
She said they have their own church. One of the family members is probably a minister who established a nondenominational Christian church, maybe even a Baptist church. I agree it's a leap to say that the church itself is teaching children to use violence.
And it seems they raised their son well enough -- he's an involved father, paying child support -- apparently even when it hasn't yet been ordered for him to pay. They sound like good enough people, I just think the baby is too young to be away from mom for so long. The OP's plan is enough time -- more than enough I think --- this summer.
Next summer might be altogether different. The baby's interests should be primary.
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