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Except that idyllic shoulds aren't always the reality. It's the parents' job to figure out what to do. And if I was her mother, this wouldn't be a hill I'd be willing to die on... I'd be throwing natural consequences up everywhere, while she's ultimately in a safer environment than she'll be around in a few years.
And yes, it DOES matter HOW risky and dangerous it is - specifically - because her parents are going to make better decisions, for her well being, if they know exactly what's going on. Of COURSE it matters.
What more than the fact that it is illegal do you need? Even in CO and WA it is illegal under the age of 21.
No where in her posts did she blame the neighbor's daughter for the pot smoking. Rightfully so she is angry that the neighbor is permitting her daughter to sneak into the home in the middle of the night. The neighbor is an adult and contributing to the delinquency of the minor child and interfering with the OP's efforts to get her D back on track.
Yes -- just the same if the neighbors were allowing the kids to get drunk or play with guns in their house.
They may have the right to allow their own child to get high in their house --- that might depend on the particular state, but they don't have the right to have other peoples' minor children to get high in their house.
I wouldn't be afraid to tell someone that they had better not be allowing my minor child to get drunk or I'll go to the police and it's no different with drugs.
The girl needs to be told she is not to go to this house or she will not be getting any driving privileges or money for clothes, or money for anything. The neighbors need to realize what they're doing is illegal just about everywhere.
If this was a problem when I was a kid it would have stopped as soon as my mom or dad found out. The talking would not have gone further than between my parents and I as it would have been up to me to cease whatever it was they didn't like. No second chances or anything went as far as that was concerned.
Kids don't have those boundaries put before them these days and this is what you get. Kids who respect nothing and the onus is put on what some might deem as an attractive nuisance. The attractive part can be put out quickly if parents knew how to be parental; the subject of nuisance is debatable.
The police should never be called in on this stuff as you will be in their sights forever as well as pissing off a neighbor.
Facepalm? Grow up. The OP didn't indicate it was "once in a while". Per the OP:
My daughter's counselor has been aware of my 16 year old daughter's occasional smoking for some time, but a couple days ago called me in to tell me it had reached a risky and dangerous level.
Now I am face palming you.
What, pray tell, are risky and dangerous levels of pot smoking?These so-called drug counselors are mostly 12 Step folks, they are not impartial, they have an agenda. Plus, they can't really say to the parents who are paying for their kid to be 'counsled', "Hey, pot smoking is not that big of a deal, health-wise." They have to scare the parent to keep dragging their kid back for more 'counseling'
The only risk and danger is if the girls get arrested, or jump in someone's car and take off.
The OP's daughter is the one sneaking out of her house, blowing up at her mom, threatening to run away, threatens to sue the OP, and now refuses counseling. The neighbor and the neighbor's daughter aren't the ones doing these things. The OP's daughter has a behavior problem that moving won't solve.
It might or it might not. I'd be willing to be the outcome is partially dependent on how many enablers the daughter has easy access to. The wild card is whether she'll find another one after moving.
I grew up without a Dad, he died of cancer when I was 9, My Mom had minimal control over me in those wacky, dramatic teen years, (thankfully I grew out of that soon enough) would have been a different story if my Father was alive I assure you, the thing is her daughter smokes weed with or without the neighbor girlfriend so if you tell the girl parents they may or may not put a end to it and now you won't be talking..possibly. The OP's Mom needs to get tougher on her daughter even if she is not gonna obey, you at least tried, Sounds like she needs more intensive counseling & or punishments for not doing right by herself or the Mom.
I'd hate to have deal with one of my one neighbor's on something like this cause she nuts already and would not do anything anyway except get more spiteful & rude towards our family and we gotta live right next door. If your neighbor is on the nice, normal side then do what you gotta do...and good luck, raising teens with 2 parents is hard enough but 3 kids on your own..my heart goes out to you!
by the way although I don't smoke pot I find it absurd that it's not legal yet but alchole still is??
16 year old girls who smoke pot usually end up being strippers and prostitutes.
I know several who are top level government employees well into 6 figure salaries. Others married guys who are very well off and were stay home moms.
Looking at those women now, most of the girls who drank and smoked cigarettes turned out the worst. Alcohol+nicotine morphs people's faces and it ain't pretty. The stoner girls still have their looks.
My daughter's counselor has been aware of my 16 year old daughter's occasional smoking for some time, but a couple days ago called me in to tell me it had reached a risky and dangerous level.
Now I am face palming you.
What, pray tell, are risky and dangerous levels of pot smoking?These so-called drug counselors are mostly 12 Step folks, they are not impartial, they have an agenda. Plus, they can't really say to the parents who are paying for their kid to be 'counsled', "Hey, pot smoking is not that big of a deal, health-wise." They have to scare the parent to keep dragging their kid back for more 'counseling'
The only risk and danger is if the girls get arrested, or jump in someone's car and take off.
Edit: Or start a fire
Says you, our resident expert pothead? What part of illegal don't you understand?
I am not debating the health risks. Occasional usage by adults doesn't faze me. A 16 yr old sneaking out and engaging in drug usage against her parents' wishes, who already has issues that require counseling, is not something I would tolerate.
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