Neighbor kid using my son's ipad to look at naked pics (legal, boy)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You are the one who started this thread, you came to the forum asking for advice. You didn't like the feedback and retorted with, "Opinions are like ***holes. Perhaps it is you who should become more savvy about the Internet. Stop blaming others, and be proactive in raising your child.
Really, you got that I'm not proactive in raising my son from my post and that I shouldn't say anything when someone makes a judgemental comment? Are you looking through my windows and know I'm not a proactive parent? Moderator Cut
I've never posted on a forum because I know people attack others knowing very little about their life. But in this case I really wanted some feedback about the little boy and my son. Moderator Cut.
Thank you to the people who actually took time to care about my situation and not judge me. Moderator Cut.
For the people who posted positive feedback, thank you. I've gotten what I need here and I appreciate it. Moderator Cut.
Last edited by Jaded; 07-15-2014 at 11:05 AM..
Reason: Removed comments about other posters being judgemental
We just moved to the neighborhood and my son, 5, became fast friends with brothers, 4 & 9, who live behind us. I could tell something was off with the 9 year old. He's very rough. He's made my son cry numerous times, and even gave his brother a bloody nose and has a bad temper. They spend a lot of time here. One day we had two families over for a cookout. There were 7 kids ages 5-10, and then here comes the two brothers. We let them stay. After dinner the oldest girl comes down with my son's ipad and says the 9 yr old googled naked women pics and showed all the kids and we found out later, asked the two 5 yr old girls to kiss him while showing them the pics. I confirmed it by looking at the computer history then told him he had to leave. As he was leaving he yells at me, at which point in time I want to do something I'd go to jail for. I texted his dad. I got a I'm sorry this happened, I told him it's inappropriate and grounded him from his computer. My son missed the 4 yr old so I asked for just him to come over. Sure enough the next thing I know the 9 yr old is ringing the doorbell. He proceeds to tell me he didn't do it, blah blah. We say you're not being honest and you are no longer welcome here. I text the dad to ask if we can get together and talk about the situation and all I get is ok sounds good and no follow-up. Now when my son and the 4 yr old are playing, he stands right at our property line and acts out to get attention. I've tried talking to my 5 yr old, he just turned 5, but he doesn't get it. We've set all the parental controls up now on the computers, but I just don't want this kid at my house. How do I handle this situation? I really want my son to still be able to be friends with the younger brother.
Why are you texting the dad, go over and have a face to face. You don't have to be rude but you discuss the issue in person, you will see his reaction in his face and his demeanor(you don't get that in a text...sigh). Based on the reaction you get you would have had your answer in regards to further contact.
You need to get some backbone. I really don't get why after the second time your son was in tears due to this 9yr old you allowed it continue "numerous times".
And if a 9yr old yelled at me, I would show them the door, and let their parents know this happened, and at the very least over the phone(by that I mean talking not texting).
The OP asked what to do in the future, not for a critique of her parenting up to this point. The problem here is the 9 year old, and maybe his parents, not the OP.
As a teacher, I can say that we've let 5 year olds play with tablets in school. There are some really good math and letters apps out there. Letting your 5 year old son or daughter play with a tablet does not mean that you are a bad parent or that you never do anything fun with your child. Sometimes, you need those couple of minutes to write out the bills or to cook supper, and sometimes it is easier to set the child down in a seat nearby to play a game on the tablet. So, please lighten up some on the OP and whether or not her child has access to a tablet.
OP--You do not have to allow the 9 year old to play in your home, and if he stands at the property line and wants to play while your son and the little brother are playing, then go inside your home. Or take the children to a nearby park to get away from this older boy.
But I agree...something is OFF about the behavior of this child. Interest in naked women at his age implies that the child has seen or been exposed to something he should not have been. And it is odd that if you send them home, they seem to come right back over, like the parents are trying to pawn them off on someone else. An unexpected visit can perhaps enlighten you as to what is going on in their home, OR you could also contact DHS and ask them to perform a well-child visit. DHS would come and make sure everything is on the up-and-up. But only contact DHS if you are seriously concerned; DHS could be overkill if there is truly nothing going on. And by all means, make sure your son has NO unsupervised contact with either boy, especially because the younger one could have also been exposed to whatever the older one has.
Good luck!
This can't be emphasized enough! As a counselor once told me, 'once social services gets involved in your life, it's very difficult to invite them to leave'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053
Honestly, when did it become a thing that children playing must always be supervised? This was not toddlers who certainly need supervision, but kids from 5 to 10. When I was a child at that age, we were out playing with no adults around much of the day in the summertime. Did things happen? Sometimes, but we learned to solve problems without so much adult interference.
OP, I think you handled the situation well.
I think play with an iPad should be supervised in the absence of parental controls. Otherwise, I agree with you. And I don't think it's bad, theoretically, for older and younger kids to play together. I would have some issues with this particular child, OTOH.
*********************************
I will say, there's a lot of armchair analysis going on here. All, some or none of it may be true.
How do I handle this situation? I really want my son to still be able to be friends with the younger brother.
That is your problem! Unrealistic expectations!
People on this thread are clueless. You are not going to keep out the 9 yo. And if so for how long? At some point, they will all hang out. And then you are asking for trouble. The younger one will never side with your son over his own brother. Even if the younger one knows his brother is wrong, he will side with his brother out of fear.
You will never get your son to be friends with just the little brother. It doesn't work that way with brothers. They come in pairs. With one comes the other. And it doesn't matter if one is nice and one is crazy. The nice one will eventually become crazy like the older one. They have the same genetics and are in the same environment, the younger one will ultimately grow up to be a d-bag like his brother.
Furthermore, you are setting your son up to be bullied. The younger brother will take the side of the older brother and both will ultimately bully your son.
It's a bad situation. Your only solution is get out of it. You need to move or find your son other friends his age away from that neighbor.
Be smart, don't be that naive clueless parent. You don't want your young son to be bullied as it will affect his confidence. It's one thing to be bullied by kids is how own age but a 5 yo should not be hanging out with a 9 yo in any capacity. They are worlds apart in every regard and you are putting your kid at a major disavantage.
Another thing, beware of 3's. One kid always gets bullied in 3's. Two turn on one kid. So when you have play dates, try to do 2's or 4's.
Who is responsible for the 9 year old gaining to access porn at the OPs home? This entire situation could have been prevented with an adult filter. Locks and limits should be in place, so little prying eyes don't have access to porn.
Who is responsible for the 9 year old gaining to access porn at the OPs home? This entire situation could have been prevented with an adult filter. Locks and limits should be in place, so little prying eyes don't have access to porn.
The 5 year old doesn't look at porn and the OP knows that. In hind sight, the 9 year old guest needed parental controls, but they weren't needed for the OP's own child on his own ipad. The OP didn't ask what he should have done. He asked what to do going forward.
Who is responsible for the 9 year old gaining to access porn at the OPs home? This entire situation could have been prevented with an adult filter. Locks and limits should be in place, so little prying eyes don't have access to porn.
Of course, parents should put adult filters on all computers & devices but I don't think they should be chastised for neglecting to do it on the device used by their son that just turned five years old. It was an oversight and it is corrected now.
I doubt if very many parents of preschoolers think that their child may attempt to access porn on their tablets.
Last edited by Jaded; 07-15-2014 at 11:09 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
, go over and have a face to face. You don't have to be rude but you discuss the issue in person, you will see his reaction in his face and his demeanor(you don't get that in a text...sigh). Based on the reaction you get you would have had your answer in regards to further contact.
