No father in home vs lazy father in home? (accident, children, natural)
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I do not know how to say it,but it just does not feel right.
It feels like i am taking care of a grown man,its as if he another child.
Yes,my relatives do think i am stupid.
They always tell me"you can do bad all by yourself".
They also say he is an extra mouth to feed,and how can a man sit there and watch the woman run herself into the ground?
He has a job. A full time one. Would it be better to ship the kids off to stay with strangers?
No joke.
My wife works from 6am till 9pm 7 days a week with an hour break in the middle of the day (read: kid's nap).
I work 120-140 hours a month plus a few meetings.
When I am at home, I don't have to lift a finger to do a damn thing, but I choose to do some specific chores (and these are usually just whenever I feel like) and also take care of the kid.
Which is worse for kids in your opinion,having a non abusive, non working father in the home or no dad in the home?
What i mean by lazy is a non working dad who watches and feeds the kids etc while the wife works a full time and part time job.
I cannot find any stats on this.
One of the things Republicans(well,everyone) likes to push is that marriage is best for kids.
However,what if they have a dsyfunctional marriage(like the one above)?
How is it healthy for kids to see a lazy bum in the home?
How will boys know what a real man does if they see Dad home all day?
He has a job. A full time one. Would it be better to ship the kids off to stay with strangers?
That isn't necessary. If dad got a part time job to replace mom's part time job, she could be home with the kids while he works. As things are, mom isn't seeing her kids. How is that good?
I do not know how to say it,but it just does not feel right.
It feels like i am taking care of a grown man,its as if he another child.
Yes,my relatives do think i am stupid.
They always tell me"you can do bad all by yourself".
They also say he is an extra mouth to feed,and how can a man sit there and watch the woman run herself into the ground?
i have greater earning potential than him.
The problem is that you are running yourself into the ground to make this happen and not seeing your kids. Can I ask how things ended up this way? The fact you feel like he is an extra mouth to feed is telling that this isn't what you signed up for.
BTW, I do understand feeling this way. My dh decided to quit his job and start his own business after our first was born which resulted in my having to cut my maternity leave short because my income was needed to support us. I was very jealous of his time at home and angry that I'd been forced into a corner. I had planned a longer leave and hoped to work part time after dd was born. In our case he was not a SAHD. DD went to day care and he puttered at starting a business for 2 years.
The real problem here isn't the arrangement but the fact this isn't what you signed up for. Without good reason, one spouse running themselves ragged so the other can stay home is going to get old. BTDT dh puttering at "starting a business" which he worked at about 4 hours a day got old really fast. Unfortunately, my alternatives sucked more so I rode it out.
Unfortunately, you may find it is more expensive to get rid of him. First off, he's the stay at home parent so he's likely to get the kids. Second, you may find yourself paying him both alimony and child support because he's a stay at home parent and our courts reward stay at home parents with continued support. You may not see your kids any more than you do now and could very well end up seeing them less.
When dh quit his job against my wishes (and against our agreement), I considered what would happen if I divorced him. What I concluded is that it would not make my situation any better. I could have ended up paying alimony and with shared custody of dd, I would have seen my baby less than I was just working full time. This is not the happiest time in my marriage but the alternative sucked worse. Make sure your alternative doesn't suck worse before you move.
I would highly recommend marriage counseling and that you give up your part time job and tell your dh to get one to replace it. You deserve to have time with your kids and they deserve to have time with you.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 07-15-2014 at 06:49 AM..
Not the OP but I'm under the impression she does not want to work two jobs so he can SAH. She would rather work one and have time for her kids. So yes, it's lazy of him to expect her to work two jobs when he is not willing to work one. A much better arrangement here would be for him to get a part time job when she's home to replace her part time job so she has more time with her kids.
And having a SAHP has to be by agreement of both parents. When one person is unhappy with the arrangement it is not working.
Not the OP but I'm under the impression she does not want to work two jobs so he can SAH. She would rather work one and have time for her kids. So yes, it's lazy of him to expect her to work two jobs when he is not willing to work one. A much better arrangement here would be for him to get a part time job when she's home to replace her part time job so she has more time with her kids.
And having a SAHP has to be by agreement of both parents. When one person is unhappy with the arrangement it is not working.
Good point, if that was not discussed in the first place the situation is unfair to mom. I agree a part time job, anywhere, is a good idea for the said house husband.
I also get the feeling that a part of this is that she is uncomfortable with the simple fact that he's a man and he doesn't have an outside job. I think the gender stereotyping is in play and she's letting that cloud things too. Feels like she's taking care of another child, being a sugar momma, calls him lazy and non working even though she goes on to say he does the cleaning, laundry, childcare, so it's like she's totally discounting the things he does do to contribute.
The OP kicked the husband out years ago. I presume he's no longer a stay at home parent to his children so I'm not sure what the point of all this is, other than that she's sick of paying for babysitters and wonders if it's worth renewing her relationship with her 'lazy' husband, so he can return to doing the work she's currently paying her babysitters for, but in exchange for mooching off the OP for food and board instead of a paycheck.
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