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I was going to suggest that it could be because day care centers are designed for kids, but I am rethinking. A teacher still has to be responsible enough to close cabinets and put chemicals and art supplies out of reach.
Those are always put up high with no climbing area so the child can not reach them.
Kids get hurt as toddlers. My own wonderful mother left the dishwasher open while she answered the phone. I ate some dish detergent. It happens.
My own child tripped and fell as a toddler and got cut above her eye.
Children are hurt less often at day cares, because they are holed up in a little room that doesn't have dangerous areas. There are no high places to fall off, no sharp corners, and no computers or TVs to take away the caregivers attention.
Things happen even while you are at home. If you were that worried about it, you would be watching them closer when you are at home too.
Toddlers get hurt, but they learn from their mistakes and grow up.
My advice is to relax about it and further baby proof your home. Chemicals and medicines need to be in a high place with a lock. Bedrooms that are not used often should be locked if they are being unsafe in there. You might need to have stricter rules about jumping on the bed or other rambunctious behavior. Get appropriate climbing structures and buy pads to go underneath them if the kid is a climber. Get appropriate push toys and use them in a carpeted area.
It is true that accidents happen, that is why it is important to know how often these things happen.
If the OP's wife left the gate to the yard (? gate to the basement stairs) open one time or even once every couple of months it may be understandable but if it happens every day or two it could signal a huge problem.
Your daughter fell and got cut once as a child, perfectly understandable, but if she fell and got cut once every week or two it would be a huge red flag that something was wrong.
It is important to make sure that everything is baby proofed but an adult still has to close the gates or doors when they need to be closed.
common sense override safety protocols, unless you are a safety manager for a corporation and then all that is, is a job to keep you from being fired because you can't do anything productive
My experience is that it's easier to babyproof the heck out of a house than to micromanage the babies every single second. That includes things like keeping chemicals up high (kids figure out baby locks, and baby locks don't always latch correctly), gating off rooms the kids don't belong in, putting bumpers on sharp edges of furniture, etc.
I'm trying to think of some activity that a toddler'd reasonably be allowed to do that is so dangerous the carer having crossed arms would represent an unacceptable delay in reaction time. I mean, at that point it's probably not something the kid should be doing at all, eh?
I find it very worrisome that your wife hasn't learned from her mistakes.
The following questions came to mind when I read your posts:
1) Does your wife have a learning disability such as ADD? Have you noticed that she isn't always attentive in general and kind of scattered?
2) Or could it be possible that there is another mental health issue?
3) Has she had a full physical exam lately?
Something to think about---your wife's inattention could one day lead to one of your kids getting seriously hurt and thus, bring your family to the attention of Child Protective Services.
Perhaps, you can get your wife to go for a physical exam? If she is willing, let the doctor know ahead of time about your concerns. It would give the doctor a place to start when running tests.
Please don't take offense with what I'm about to say --- Do you think your wife resents the kids? If so, she may be subconsciously letting that come out by not being very attentive.
How does she react when one of the kids gets injured due to her neglectfulness? Is she genuinely distraught and remorseful?
There is so much that could be going on here. I wish you the best when it comes to getting to the bottom of this.
How can your wife lose track of where this kid is in the house? A toddler shouldn't be able to roam the house without supervision. Put up some baby gates so he can't get too far.
My husband is a little like this, so I can relate to a degree. I realized this about him before we had kids though. When we were first married I was on a graveyard shift, and when I came home one morning, the garage door had been left open, the front door was unlocked, and the door going from the garage to our family room was left ajar by a few inches. I guess when my husband went to close that door, it popped back open, and he didn't notice. I was quite surprised. My husband has said a number of times he grew up in an area where they didn't lock doors.
Needless to say, I am the official "family checker" when it comes to safety. I think my husband just sometimes gets caught up in his own thoughts and doesn't automatically do things the way other people do. I have various routines that are probably borderline OCD because of my knowledge about this. I am always the last one to go to bed at night, and I check the house before I go to bed. I ensure all the doors are closed and locked, the stove and oven are off, and the refrigerator door is closed. I also check the house every time we leave, and if a problem occurs during the day when we are home, I am usually the one to notice and correct it.
The good news for us is that this tendency did not seem to affect my husband with new routines as much. For example, he wouldn't ever forget to put a kid in a car seat because that is an entirely new task that was different than anything he had done previously. He also would easily return chemicals to high cabinets since that is where we always kept them in the house where we lived. The idea is that if you are acting in a sort of mindless way, you'll tend to repeat what you have done in the past. Growing up my husband never locked doors etc., so that is not part of his mindless behavior.
I also have to say I have harped on him over the years about this. I have probably driven him crazy reminding him to do certain things. That has worked to an extent too. After continual reminders, he is better about taking care of safety matters.
You can have all the baby gates and locked doors on the planet, but they won't do a bit of good if the adult isn't using them (closing gates behind them, etc). I think this is what the OP is talking about.
Is she not keeping a closer eye on things because she doesn't think it's necessary, or because she genuinely forgets? Or... is your toddler a particularly challenging child? I have a rambunctious three year old that has learned to unlock doors, open gates, push chairs around to climb, etc. It is very exhausting being the only adult in charge all day, especially when there's a sibling that needs attention too. However, as much as one might look forward to bed time, one can't just throw up their hands in exasperation and 'forget' it all when they're awake and no one else is around to help. It sounds like maybe she needs a break and perhaps someone to talk to to help her get to the root of why she isn't paying more attention to the kids.
I find it very worrisome that your wife hasn't learned from her mistakes.
The following questions came to mind when I read your posts:
1) Does your wife have a learning disability such as ADD? Have you noticed that she isn't always attentive in general and kind of scattered?
2) Or could it be possible that there is another mental health issue?
3) Has she had a full physical exam lately?
Something to think about---your wife's inattention could one day lead to one of your kids getting seriously hurt and thus, bring your family to the attention of Child Protective Services.
Perhaps, you can get your wife to go for a physical exam? If she is willing, let the doctor know ahead of time about your concerns. It would give the doctor a place to start when running tests.
Please don't take offense with what I'm about to say --- Do you think your wife resents the kids? If so, she may be subconsciously letting that come out by not being very attentive.
How does she react when one of the kids gets injured due to her neglectfulness? Is she genuinely distraught and remorseful?
There is so much that could be going on here. I wish you the best when it comes to getting to the bottom of this.
ADD came to my mind as well - my MIL has it. When my daughter was born she came out to "help". She came in from Walmart, unloaded her stuff on the kitchen island and threw her plastic Walmart bags into the crib we had in the living room, planning to take them to the recyling bin later. But got distracted by all her new stuff from Walmart..... Later that day, she asked to watch the baby - I hadn't let her have much on hands time. So I agreed, I had to go out and do some stuff in the garage. Well , she watched the baby while she watched a tv show or two, then got bored/distracted so she just put the baby down in the crib.. I came in the house - and found my newborn sleeping in a nest of plastic bags! My mil was now upstairs taking a nap!
I also wondered about the resentment - I'm also a SAHM , my husband travels alot for work , and works long hours when he is here.
I've found that I really need for my own mental health - I need to find ways/places where I can "check out" from time to time.
I joined some mom groups where I can be less vigilant since there are many eyes watching the kids. We'd take them to the splash pad (fountains) or the community wading pool (only a foot deep)
I did things that aren't "drop-off" but aren't as involved as "mommy and me" classes.
I took her to our YMCA where they had a "toddler time" . For $5 they got two hours of jumping and playig on the gymnastics equipment. All set to toddler level, with lots off padding.
I enrolled her in swim lessons where she worked one on one with an instructor.
Heck, I belonged to a chain fitness club and there were times where I didn't even "work out" . I dropped her off in the kids club and sat in the sauna, took a shower by myself, and read a book in the lounge area of the ladies locker room.
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