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I would NOT call the cops. I would get her mental health help ASAP.
Healthy teens do not act in the manner you've described. She needs help.
The thing is, involving law enforcement is oftentimes the best way to get a kid mental health services. The daughter will likely be placed in a treatment facility a lot faster than if the parents were to try and navigate the system on their own.
When she gets violent, call the police and tell them you have a psychotic YOUNG girl who is an immediate threat to her own and other family member's wellbeing. (been there, done that years ago with a family member) Stress that she is young so they don't come into the house with guns drawn!
As in my family member's case, in all likeliness, the police won't arrest her, they will take her to the psyc ward at the nearest hospital. That way, she will have immediate attention which is utmost important. She needs medication and has to be under a doctor's care NOW!
Suggesting to her that she needs help when she isn't having a meltdown, will most likely CAUSE a meltdown so don't even bother trying to talk to her. It might take months to get an appointment with a counsellor or a psyc doctor, and you, your husband, your other daughter and especially your step-daughter, needs immediate help.
sounds to me as though this girl has been spoiled to the point that she throws tantrums so you all will cave and yes the next time she hits you call the cops and they will take her to juvie and she will be evaluated by a physc dr and let them do what they want with her . where is her father in all of this since he was not mentioned in the post . Seems to me she should be brought down a peg or two by her dad and her mom . Obviously they have tolerated this behavior for some time before you came into the picture . Yep cops need to be called and they will take her and hopefully get her some help . She sounds she is to the point of dangerous and she would not be in my home .
Not necessarily so! I went thru some similar times, with my own son, and he was not spoiled. It began when he started getting facial, armpit,etc hair, meaning testosterone! He suddenly thought he was a BIG MAN in many respects and still was a kid in others. My part in it was dating a man, in another city who had 3 preteens of his own and an EX wife who was dying of Ovarian Cancer. I would travel there one weekend a month and my son had to stay at his Dad's home, 3 miles from ours, which he had been doing his whole life but suddenly felt he was man enough to stop doing....NOT!
First ,he took a handfull of Sudafed and then didn't tell me til the next morning when his heart was racing. I was an ER RN, so of course I took him into my ER, got a Psych consult, ETC...ETC. He wasn't psychotic, he was ANGRY and didn't know how to channel that at age 13. I had to find out what he 'currency' was AT THAT AGE, then take that away as punishment and it wasn't as EZ as it sounds. When he turned 14 some adult in our neighborhood, bought him a GALLON of vodka and he shared it with 3 friends til they all passed out in a gully on the side of the road...the cops brought them all home at 2am. It escalated until he shoved me during a verbal argument about something, sending me backwards into a stack of full boxes, rendering me unconscious. When I awakened, EMS, Police were there and he was in a Police car. I left him to go to jail for simple assault. His Dad went and bailed him out.
We went thru several PsychOlogists by our choice and also changes in a hospital system's benefits, and it did some help but not very much.
The Judge sent him to Anger Management Classes for 3 months, in order to get the charge 'expunged' from his record, IF he completed the Program and had no further incidents.
He was always an Honors AP class student until then, he let his grades slip, he started smoking (knowing it would kill me as he is asthmatic, he wanted to leave school, and every word that came out of his mouth, during those years was a LIE. He sold/pawned his Christmas presents from past yrs. Lie after lie after lie.
I fought back by involving the school's Principal, the Guidance Counselors (in person + emails to them daily as needed), his Dad (not much help, but he would come and get him when we were arguing), and I 'commando parented' him by getting my butt, up out of bed in the middle of the nights, and going to wherever he SAID he would be and CHECKED. HE was the one who made this happen (lie after lie), and I didn't care if it embarrassed him one bit.
I had to remove his bedroom door for 2 yrs, as he just up and took the PC into his room and I wasn't going to have him throw it in a rage as I used it also. I could see from the doorway where and what he was online doing and I parked my butt there many a night.
When he finally graduated HS, the following weekend I sent him 3 miles away to his Dad's to 'live on his own' until it was time to move to the dorms. In the Fall (he got accepted to the college he wanted and got a scholarship while all this crap happened, so NO psychosis there).
Truly, my out of town relationship and testosterone were the things that began the 5 yrs of Hell we walked thru together. I hope I never have to endure any such Hell again in my life. I feel for you 1000%. You HAVE to do whatever it takes to walk with them thru these bad years and once you know they are not certifiably Psycho, it is up to you to follow them around, not believe a word they say and check up on EVERY SINGLE THING or I am telling you that you will LOSE THEM.
Where are we today??? He decided his 2nd year in college he would drop out mid year. I believe he flunked out as from the minute he got to the dorms he went 'gurl crazee' and was up all night trying to sleep all day and party all night with the ladies (he is smart and a 'looker'). It was hard to see happening, but I DID NOT PAY FOR COLLEGE, his scholarship did. You know they wanted all their $$$ back when he 'dropped'. To handle that, he had to work 2 jobs! LOL...and yes! I can laugh at it now, as he had done it all to himself! He worked the 2 jobs the past 2 yrs and got the scholarship $$ paid off PLUS 2 or 3 credit cards that they get offered, the minute they get into college...he ran those up while in college, buying party stuff for the ladies and himself. It's been a hard road for him, but he has actually come FULL CIRCLE and is now living at my home, on MY invitation, to finish college and get his Masters in Business at the same University....HE PAYS FOR. He MUST work while he in college. He made the Deans List again last semester and he and I have a GREAT relationship again.
I am still HIS MOM, and NEVER HIS FRIEND. He has earned back the privacy and respect he once lost as a raging teenager. I cannot tell you how many times he's told me how much he regrets what all his teen years caused me OR given me a card saying so. It was worth every single minute of parenting and angst to see the young man he is today at just 23.
I can only share how bad it got for us and how it evolved into what it is today. You HAVE to remain the parent (and STEP parent IS a parent) and it is not a job for the weak or meek when they have hormones a raging...boy or girl! I still say, absolutely you need a Psych EVAL to rule out things. And FAMILY counseling helps YOU more than him/her in ways to act/not to REact, but teens do get some out of it, as MOST GOOD (those 2 words are KEY) Psychologists tell the teens straight up, the TRUTH...they don't just take their sides in matters. Did we have to change a few Psychologists in the merry-go-round??? YES-sir-ree...one had a dysFUNctional family worse than ours and another lost his job when he point blank mentioned to me how much he HATED his own Mom. I'd say about 50% of the people who go into the field, do so to find out what their own issues are or 'fix' things in their own families. NO different than Doctors, Nurses, Mechanics or Plumbers...if it isnt working in about 3 months...MOVE ON to another.
A bit of prayer during these times might help and I am an Agnostic. BUT we didn't spoil him as a toddler and young child. He earned his allowance, got things taken away for 'bad' behaviors, college was always expected and not an option, etc. Some kids are just RAGING HORMONE MACHINES for awhile...but also something going on in the family (like my dating a guy in another city who had kids) can set them off or keep them raging. A SAD NOTE: The man with the 3 kids was killed, 2 yrs after his EX wife died of the cancer. WHAT a trip that could have been for me with my own son still acting a fool and 3 step kids.
The thing is, involving law enforcement is oftentimes the best way to get a kid mental health services. The daughter will likely be placed in a treatment facility a lot faster than if the parents were to try and navigate the system on their own.
I've seen too many stories of policemen shooting people with mental health issues to believe that is the best course of action.
Send her to her biological mom's house, you shouldn't have to suffer through this. You or your daughter should not go through this mess. This is why I would never consider anyone with prior kids- no kid drama- no baby drama, I like live a happy peaceful life. You deserve peace in your life.
Send her to her biological mom's house, you shouldn't have to suffer through this. You or your daughter should not go through this mess. This is why I would never consider anyone with prior kids- no kid drama- no baby drama, I like live a happy peaceful life. You deserve peace in your life.
OP's husband is this girl's biological father. Why should he just push the issue off on the mother??
Not necessarily so! I went thru some similar times, with my own son, and he was not spoiled. It began when he started getting facial, armpit,etc hair, meaning testosterone! He suddenly thought he was a BIG MAN in many respects and still was a kid in others. My part in it was dating a man, in another city who had 3 preteens of his own and an EX wife who was dying of Ovarian Cancer. I would travel there one weekend a month and my son had to stay at his Dad's home, 3 miles from ours, which he had been doing his whole life but suddenly felt he was man enough to stop doing....NOT!
First ,he took a handfull of Sudafed and then didn't tell me til the next morning when his heart was racing. I was an ER RN, so of course I took him into my ER, got a Psych consult, ETC...ETC. He wasn't psychotic, he was ANGRY and didn't know how to channel that at age 13. I had to find out what he 'currency' was AT THAT AGE, then take that away as punishment and it wasn't as EZ as it sounds. When he turned 14 some adult in our neighborhood, bought him a GALLON of vodka and he shared it with 3 friends til they all passed out in a gully on the side of the road...the cops brought them all home at 2am. It escalated until he shoved me during a verbal argument about something, sending me backwards into a stack of full boxes, rendering me unconscious. When I awakened, EMS, Police were there and he was in a Police car. I left him to go to jail for simple assault. His Dad went and bailed him out.
We went thru several PsychOlogists by our choice and also changes in a hospital system's benefits, and it did some help but not very much.
The Judge sent him to Anger Management Classes for 3 months, in order to get the charge 'expunged' from his record, IF he completed the Program and had no further incidents.
He was always an Honors AP class student until then, he let his grades slip, he started smoking (knowing it would kill me as he is asthmatic, he wanted to leave school, and every word that came out of his mouth, during those years was a LIE. He sold/pawned his Christmas presents from past yrs. Lie after lie after lie.
I fought back by involving the school's Principal, the Guidance Counselors (in person + emails to them daily as needed), his Dad (not much help, but he would come and get him when we were arguing), and I 'commando parented' him by getting my butt, up out of bed in the middle of the nights, and going to wherever he SAID he would be and CHECKED. HE was the one who made this happen (lie after lie), and I didn't care if it embarrassed him one bit.
I had to remove his bedroom door for 2 yrs, as he just up and took the PC into his room and I wasn't going to have him throw it in a rage as I used it also. I could see from the doorway where and what he was online doing and I parked my butt there many a night.
When he finally graduated HS, the following weekend I sent him 3 miles away to his Dad's to 'live on his own' until it was time to move to the dorms. In the Fall (he got accepted to the college he wanted and got a scholarship while all this crap happened, so NO psychosis there).
Truly, my out of town relationship and testosterone were the things that began the 5 yrs of Hell we walked thru together. I hope I never have to endure any such Hell again in my life. I feel for you 1000%. You HAVE to do whatever it takes to walk with them thru these bad years and once you know they are not certifiably Psycho, it is up to you to follow them around, not believe a word they say and check up on EVERY SINGLE THING or I am telling you that you will LOSE THEM.
Where are we today??? He decided his 2nd year in college he would drop out mid year. I believe he flunked out as from the minute he got to the dorms he went 'gurl crazee' and was up all night trying to sleep all day and party all night with the ladies (he is smart and a 'looker'). It was hard to see happening, but I DID NOT PAY FOR COLLEGE, his scholarship did. You know they wanted all their $$$ back when he 'dropped'. To handle that, he had to work 2 jobs! LOL...and yes! I can laugh at it now, as he had done it all to himself! He worked the 2 jobs the past 2 yrs and got the scholarship $$ paid off PLUS 2 or 3 credit cards that they get offered, the minute they get into college...he ran those up while in college, buying party stuff for the ladies and himself. It's been a hard road for him, but he has actually come FULL CIRCLE and is now living at my home, on MY invitation, to finish college and get his Masters in Business at the same University....HE PAYS FOR. He MUST work while he in college. He made the Deans List again last semester and he and I have a GREAT relationship again.
It's just a hunch, but I have the feeling this is what is going on with this girl as well. Family situations like this can be very hard on kids and they can act out in all kinds of ways. Great story, btw. Thank you for sharing it.
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