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My youngest child has been having MAJOR issues with pooping the last 8 months. She just turned 4 and we've been potty training since last August. She showed all of the signs that she was ready and willing to try to do her biz in the potty so DH and I got it rolling. Things were successful on the #1 front within a month or so but it took her awhile to get the #2 front going- she would go in pull-up's. She finally decided to do it on the potty and we had about 3 weeks of success.
Then, the nightmare started.
I don't know when it happened exactly or how it started but she stopped pooping in the potty altogether and then began to hold it in for DAYS at a time. All we can assume is that it hurt once coming out and that triggered a major fear in her so now she holds it in as long as possible. She would poop her pants several times a week or go at night in her pull-up. Then she started to hold it in for several days at a time- the longest she's gone is a WEEK.
I can't even begin to describe how horrible this has been. I finally gave her a bulb syringe-type suppository one day a few months ago and it worked like a charm but that was the only day that she allowed me to do it- ever since then if I even go near her butt she screams like she's being murdered and my DH has to hold her down so I can give it to her. To say that it is traumatizing for everyone is an understatement.
She's a picky a%% eater and has been since she turned 3; I can rarely hide things in her food and she refuses a lot of what we give her. She's only in the 10th percentile for weight versus height but otherwise she's developing just fine. I mean, this AM she chowed 2 bigger whole wheat/flax meal pancakes and a bunch of blueberries. She'll eat when she's hungry and eat a lot but other times she picks like a little bird. This child has the strongest will of any child I've ever known and I am at the end of my damn rope with her.
I took her to a new pediatrician and all he said was to give her milk of magnesia- I tried to hide it in several things and she would spit it out every time. Then I took her to a pediatric gastro specialist a few weeks ago and he told me to put her on a double adult dose of Miralax each day (which is an ingredient away from being antifreeze and has nasty and possibly debilitating side effects) and give her enemas each day until she's "cleaned out". Then basically start all over with the pooping cycle. I literally laughed when he said that and told him our experiences regarding something as simple as a suppository- he wanted me to give her daily enemas?? Traumatize her to the point of hysteria and terror on a daily basis? No f^&king way!
So, I've been taking matters into my own hands and started to give her flax meal in whatever I can hide it in, coconut oil, chia seeds, more of all the "p" fruits, more veggies, tons of water and white grape juice. I massage her tummy and do reflexology. She's always running around playing with her big sister so exercise isn't a problem. It all seems to be helping but she's still holding it in and refuses to poop! At this point I'm thinking that I should take her to see a child psychologist because all of this is based in her fear of pain.
I'm having a very hard dealing with this. So much of my daily life has been taken over by whether or not she poops or has to poop or is going to poop- we stay home more often than not; we were supposed to go have lunch with our playgroup today and that's not going to happen because she has to poop and is smearing her panties or pull-up's every few minutes. She's had accidents when we've been out at the park and the shame that she feels from it is almost more than I can bear, it breaks my heart. I've lost it a few times with her since all of this began but the rest of the time I've been encouraging her and cheering her on and just trying not to make it a huge issue with her so she feels comfortable.
I am at a loss. I've even tried to give her suppositories when she's been sleeping but she woke up in 2 seconds flat as soon as I tried! What else can I do?
Just out of curiosity - will she still go in a pullup? If so, you could allow her to do that. Keep track of what time of day it usually is, and then have her sit on the potty at that time of day (after a while) - or even just stand near it at first. After a while, if she's in the bathroom and going, she'll sit down on the potty. No need to rush her.
If it's easier, you can even get her a small child's potty. Whatever will be less threatening and make her feel more in control.
I think all the stuff with the suppositories is probably not helping. She's intentionally not going - she's not constipated. Obviously, it comes out when it needs to. She's not making herself sick. Feeding her things to make the stool soft is a good idea, too - raisins or fiber or whatever.
She will go in a pull-up but even that is sporadic- she just tells us that it hurts and will do smears and not let the main stuff out. The thing is, not going is making her constipated because when she does go it's EPIC and is hard.
Id take a big step back. It does sound anxiety produced, but your anxiety is playing into it. I'd not mention it, just completely forget about it. Let her poop when and where she is wanting to. After a few weeks, restart with a very positive mindset. She earns a reward every time she poops in the potty, but still no power struggle. Let it be her choice. You could do it like a magic fairy brings a toy when she poops in the potty. Or mommy has a load of special gifts when she goes.
You won't have to do this forever and the prizes can get smaller. But the most important thing is to reset the process and unstress. You might hang out of the house for a while, but just have fun times.
I too had a child that developed a fear related to bowel movements--at an even younger age. Perhaps set up some sort of "reward" system for having a bm (how silly does that sound )
Our pediatrician at the time recommended we mix a tablespoonful or so of mineral oil into her hot cereal, pudding for a treat, yogurt, or applesauce. Given her weight I wouldn't worry about the extra calories of some kind of smooth treat like pudding with the oil mixed in. It works like a charm. It's pretty tasteless so you might be able to sneak it into her. One warning though--it will change the bm color to a bright orange which might be a concern the first time it happens.
I'm wondering if I should let her pick out one of those training potties and use that instead? We did have one but she never used it and it ended up being a spare I used in our SUV.
The one factor that is stressing me out the most is that she is supposed to be starting pre-K in September and she has to be fully potty trained to attend- that goes for every school around here. We delayed her preschool education for a year because of this issue and I'm really afraid that she won't be ready to attend kindergarten and will fall behind.
A friend's son had very similar issues and they resurfaced when he was about 5 and his baby sister was born. They hold it in and it gets hard and then other soft poop kind of ooops around it. He would poop in his pants and hide them--it was very stressful for them. The good news is he grew out of it. The bad news is, it took a while.
Like HFB said, try ignoring it for a while. No poop talk at all. Your anxiety is coming through loud and clear on here so I'm sure your daughter is picking up on it as well. If you do talk about it, empower her. "I know it's hard for you to poop, but I also know you're going to outgrow this and it will become easier and easier."
Sugar free gummy bears have a chemical in them that has a laxative effect. You can Google it "sugar free gummy bears laxative". Since people have discovered it, it's become kind of a prank to pull on people. You could try it for a positive effort and see if it would help your daughter.
Must be rough. I thankfully never had to deal with this. My second refused to sit on the potty at all for three months, but once I got him to sit on it long enough to pee, he was good to go.
I agree with others who say to back off. Explain it completely to her. "We know you aren't ready to poop in the potty, so we are going to put diapers on you and you can go when you need to." Once she is totally comfortable going in the diapers again, then try again with the potty. I wouldn't let her wear any underwear or pull ups during that time. Just bare bottomed so she doesn't have anything to go in and she is more aware of what is going on down there. That's how I trained my kids and it's worked great for us. Feeding her poop inducing foods is good too. Maybe try those pouched baby foods. Even my older kids like those because they think they are fun.
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