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What is going on here? Is it that they can't afford it (in which case the system needs to be changed), or do this many people really not want to take responsibility? If the latter, I am shocked by the moral decline in our society.
In the cases I'm familiar with, it's almost always more about having to give the money to the custodial parent to spend at their discretion, which given that they often hate the custodial parent really burns. Also, they often think that the custodial parent is spending the money on themselves instead of the kids, or that they are trying to milk it by asking for more than they need.
It has been that way for a long time. I don't know about equating it with "the moral decline of society."
I think men who refuse to provide monetarily for their children is a pretty big indicator of moral decline. I mean, isn't that the most basic thing a parent can do? And it still has to be forced on some parents.
Another factor may be that it is hard to feel emotionally invested in a child that you do not get to see very often especially if the breakup of the family was not something you wanted to begin with. You find yourself kicked out of your home yet you are still expected to support the family financially while losing most of your ability to have a day to day presence and influence in your childrens' lives.
I think men who refuse to provide monetarily for their children is a pretty big indicator of moral decline. I mean, isn't that the most basic thing a parent can do? And it still has to be forced on some parents.
"Decline" means it was better and is getting worse. I don't know that that's the case, or if it has always been this bad.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 06-01-2015 at 07:47 AM..
I think men who refuse to provide monetarily for their children is a pretty big indicator of moral decline. I mean, isn't that the most basic thing a parent can do? And it still has to be forced on some parents.
Actually, the most basic thing a parent can do is be there for their child. Unfortunately, with many split family households, this just isn't possible when two adults cannot get along. Most often, child goes with mom, and dad's support is limited to a financial payment.
A new boyfriend comes along, mom gets remarried, and now enjoys dual income plus child support. The family vacation now entails step-dad and mom and child going to Disneyworld, and real dad trying to compete with that. Child growns up spending most bonding time with another man and real dad has to play "goodtime Charlie" just to gain some favor. It's not an ideal situation all over and it really plays heavy on your emotions.
There are a lot of unfair scenario's that have been played over the years. What's a common theme is that people generally associate "supporting" the child with simply a paycheck. When was the last time you saw a guy jailed for lack of parenting time??
Anyway, I used to be part of the "if he won't pay he's a deadbeat" bangwagon. Then I found myself in the system and discovered how much it sucks. All the state cares about is that you pay. Beyond that, you are on your own with how you spend your time with your child and how you try to form a relationship. I'm pretty lucky in that my ex and I get along fine. No drama, but it's tough to see her bring another guy into my child's life and have him spend a lot more time with my child than I do. But nobody ever looks at that though. All that matters is I pay.
Now lets look at my g/f. She is divorced from a man who....lets just say he messed up. Anyway, as much as he deserves it, I do feel bad for him in a way. In addition to paying off that credit card debt, massive school loans, he now has to pay $1K/month in CS. He basically lives with his parents because he has to. He's a good dad to his child however, and I commend him for that, but I truly feel bad at how I might be a bigger influence to his child than he. Financially, her and I are in a much better boat that he, and next month are taking a week-long vacation with both our kids. I'm sure they will grow up remembering this trip what a good time they had with us. But I sure for him it will suck to see another guy take his child somewhere to have some great memories. If he loses his job at all..he's screwed. It's just a tough, emotionally draining place to be in. I feel for him because I can take my own situation and put myself in his shoes and know how I'd feel. I would be bitter.
The system sucks in general. I'm not advocating being a deadbeat...but now that I've had a glimpse into the system, I can see how and why it happens these days.
My husband's situation is sad. His exwife cheated on him and then moved the boyfriend in. She can't hold a job. She has taken the equity of the family home to live on--along with the child support, but she drives a BMW. The kids lived with my husband for years, while he paid child support to her.
My husband's situation is sad. His exwife cheated on him and then moved the boyfriend in. She can't hold a job. She has taken the equity of the family home to live on--along with the child support, but she drives a BMW. The kids lived with my husband for years, while he paid child support to her.
Whole thing sucks.
Why was he paying if they lived with him?
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