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He has zero desire to interact with any other kids.
Some even more background: They moved here from a different state 3 years ago, before they lived with me, they lived in an apartment across town, he goes to a charter school, so it's not close to where they lived then, or now. It's not like he rode the bus and kids from the neighborhood go to the same school as him.
But even before that, he had no social interaction with any kids in either the apartment or in my neighborhood. Just whoever he sees at school. Which, from everything I hear, he does not have many (any?) friends at school.
Not saying he has to do everything with us, but I go out of my way to try to do activities to try to build a familial type relationship when we have time. And a lot of time it goes unappreciated. I have talked to my friends (most of whom have kids, some his age) and everyone says "that's what they do at that age".
One more thing. He cannot ride a bike. Never learned.
Has he been evaluated for social anxiety or aspergers syndrome? It is possible that he needs professional help.
Has he been evaluated for social anxiety or aspergers syndrome? It is possible that he needs professional help.
This has no bearing on the OP's problem, that the mother does not care for her own child or bear her own weight in this relationship. Let's not muddy the waters here.
This has no bearing on the OP's problem, that the mother does not care for her own child or bear her own weight in this relationship. Let's not muddy the waters here.
Maybe not, but the son may need help. If this man cares about him, it may be worthwhile to see if he can get the boy evaluated or get the mother to make an appointment for an evaluation.
Maybe not, but the son may need help. If this man cares about him, it may be worthwhile to see if he can get the boy evaluated or get the mother to make an appointment for an evaluation.
Have you not read the entire thread? The mother doesn't give a ****, and he's tired of dealing with it. This is not his responsibility.
If you were my adult son, and you were telling me all of those things, I would suggest that you ask her and her son to leave your home/apartment and allow time to see if this relationship is "real" and forever.
I don't know how long you dated before you asked her & her son to move in but I suspect that it was not a long time. Perhaps you can continue dating, go to couples counseling and reevaluate what you want to do in a year, or two years. If this is a real, life time love, what difference would 12 or 18 or 24 months mean if you will be together for the next 40 or 50 years after that?
I'd have her move out while her son is away visiting. She and he need to have a mother son relationship...and you are in the middle, picking up her slack....Sort of enabling her to continue to be disengaged with her son and parenting responsibilities. You can always date...It might be the wake up call she needs. Or the distance that you need.
To the OP, I'm sorry people are jumping on you but it does seem like you're trying to make this relationship work. It's so nice to see someone worried about a child that is not your own.
She's not behaving like a "good mom". She's also not a "good partner".
I strongly encourage you to reread your own posts here and ask yourself if you're not entitled to a better relationship.
It truly does sound like you're being used and would be adopting both of them. The amount of time she spends on facebook is a clear indication that she'd rather be "with" other people than you and her son - I'm sorry for you about that but it is really really unlikely that this pattern is going to get better.
Please find a counsellor to talk to before you do anything to invest further in this relationship (not as a couple, just you). You need to understand why you'd accept this when you clearly are willing to "give" more to a relationship than your partner (I think you said 80/20).
Her parenting is a symptom of how she treats the most important people in her life. Are you prepared for that for the rest of YOUR life?
So we had a late night Saturday night. We all went to an event she was involved with, we dropped off the kid back at home at around 11 and had dinner at applebees. She had some paperwork to do related to the event, so I went to bed about 1:00am, she said she would stay up and finish it, come to bed when she was done. She wakes me up at 5:30 getting into bed. I toss and turn for an hour before deciding i'm not going to get back to sleep, so I get up, and start doing some laundry. I put a load in and run up to the grocery store, do a little shopping and come home. By then, I take a load of laundry out and hang it up put a new one in.
As I am doing this, I notice our room is a mess, her hamper is full of dirties, there are 2 piles of clean, unfolded laundry here and there. So I get back into bed. I lay there playing a game on my phone and about 9:30, she wakes up. I must have some sort of look on my face, so she asks me what's wrong. I tell her nothing, but she knows otherwise. She persists until I tell her. I approached it from the angle of not helping out as much as I think she should, the division of labor, etc.
Long story short, it did not go well. Lots of denial, and being defensive. Defensive to the point that she made a statement about maybe it being a mistake that she moved in with me. I never made any ultimatum's, but told her in no uncertain terms that I felt at times I was being taken advantage of.
We went through the rest of the day, and said our i'm sorry's, said our I love you's, but no real resolution. The kid leaves this evening. I have no idea where we are going.
For what it's worth, I feel absolutely horrible about the whole thing. I have a pit of despair in my stomach, that awful feeling of the unknown. She feels that I feel resentful of her, and maybe that's not the right word, but I feel I said what I needed to say. I did not being up the parenting thing at all.
So we had a late night Saturday night. We all went to an event she was involved with, we dropped off the kid back at home at around 11 and had dinner at applebees. She had some paperwork to do related to the event, so I went to bed about 1:00am, she said she would stay up and finish it, come to bed when she was done. She wakes me up at 5:30 getting into bed. I toss and turn for an hour before deciding i'm not going to get back to sleep, so I get up, and start doing some laundry. I put a load in and run up to the grocery store, do a little shopping and come home. By then, I take a load of laundry out and hang it up put a new one in.
As I am doing this, I notice our room is a mess, her hamper is full of dirties, there are 2 piles of clean, unfolded laundry here and there. So I get back into bed. I lay there playing a game on my phone and about 9:30, she wakes up. I must have some sort of look on my face, so she asks me what's wrong. I tell her nothing, but she knows otherwise. She persists until I tell her. I approached it from the angle of not helping out as much as I think she should, the division of labor, etc.
Long story short, it did not go well. Lots of denial, and being defensive. Defensive to the point that she made a statement about maybe it being a mistake that she moved in with me. I never made any ultimatum's, but told her in no uncertain terms that I felt at times I was being taken advantage of.
We went through the rest of the day, and said our i'm sorry's, said our I love you's, but no real resolution. The kid leaves this evening. I have no idea where we are going.
For what it's worth, I feel absolutely horrible about the whole thing. I have a pit of despair in my stomach, that awful feeling of the unknown. She feels that I feel resentful of her, and maybe that's not the right word, but I feel I said what I needed to say. I did not being up the parenting thing at all.
I hate this...
Well, you DO resent the way she is being. Surely you can see that. And admitting it is not the worst thing.
I think it's GREAT that you expressed your feelings, especially the part about being taken advantage of, because she IS taking advantage of you.
Be prepared for a honeymoon phase when the son leaves town. It is inevitable, as some of the obvious lack will go away when he does. But the problem still will be there.
Keep it up. Yes, it sucks to think that you might lose something you THOUGHT was good, but stand your ground. You could work out a compromise IF she admits that she is not being a fully contributing partner.
She was up til 5am doing paperwork for an event? I call BS.
Bring it up again tonight about what she said about it being a mistake she moved in. Tell her you agree and that it's time for her to leave, now that her son is out of the way for now.
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