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Has your girlfriend met with her son's teacher? Or maybe the principal? Sounds like there are some issues at school that need to be discussed.
It's not a bullying situation...
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As for not listening to him or understanding him, THAT is something that is within your power to change.
He SAYS no one listens to him or understands him. Thats what he says... it's complete BS. The fact that we dont always do what he wants, or take his advice, or tell him he is wrong is apparently not listening to him
So playing XBox online counts? Or facebooking? Video games, internet and Xbox is about the extent of his social interaction outside of school. Which he hates, constantly complains about how kids pick on him, no one likes him, nobody understands him or listens to him (including us...)
Don't try to turn this around on me, I didnt create the problem...
I have never been a parent, but being a child once, I know this isnt right. I know i would NEVER have been able to act like he does or been allowed to lay around all day, I know it was a different time, but hey... im not his parent, I cant force him or her to do anything
No one is turning this around on you, but since you're obviously concerned about the situation, what I was trying to say is that your beef with your gf spending time on facebook and staying up too late does not sound like the crux of the problem here, nor is it the biggest issue with this child's upbringing. It may be part of an overall pattern of emotional neglect, no doubt, but you haven't provided any additional information to infer that. You've been asked several times, can you describe a specific scenario of what happens when he tries to talk to her? And how often and in what way does she 'ignore' him like you say?
Bottom line is the kid needs more than just mom talking to him 24/7. He needs more outside engagement and socialization. This is something you can bring up and discuss with your GF without blaming or accusations, just as 'I've noticed...seems to me that...' kind of way. Research some activities he may be interested in and bring it up as in 'hey, I heard about this, it sounds like a cool thing to try out'.
I'll say again the boy does not sound like an extrovert to me. An extrovert is someone who has no problem getting along with others and requires interaction with many different people, not sit alone at home in front of the computer. It sounds like he has trouble with socializing, school, and peers, and this is something that needs to be looked at further. Just because he doesn't admit to being bullied doesn't mean he isn't.
He SAYS no one listens to him or understands him. Thats what he says... it's complete BS. The fact that we dont always do what he wants, or take his advice, or tell him he is wrong is apparently not listening to him
Maybe he should see a therapist or counselor. There may be something deeper going on than we can help you with.
Is he clothed? Yes, he has clothes but wears like 2-3 of the same shirts and pants all the time, wears the same clothes to school multiple days in a row, showers 2 times a week (because he hates to put clean clothes away, hates to take a shower)
So the kid isn't even being bathed and somehow that's okay with you?
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Originally Posted by VanHalen5150
Don't try to turn this around on me, I didnt create the problem...
I have never been a parent, but being a child once, I know this isnt right. I know i would NEVER have been able to act like he does or been allowed to lay around all day, I know it was a different time, but hey... im not his parent, I cant force him or her to do anything
You are enabling the problem by allowing it to exist at all. It's your house, your rules. What part of that don't you get?
Why are you allowing this scrub of a girlfriend to walk all over you?
So the kid isn't even being bathed and somehow that's okay with you?
It's not ok with me, personally I think it's disgusting. Don't even get me started on his dental hygene
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You are enabling the problem by allowing it to exist at all. It's your house, your rules. What part of that don't you get?
So this goes back to what I have been saying this whole time. These are behaviors that are learned, and have been allowed to happen. For years. Is she being the best parent? No... I think that's what this thread is about. When bringing up these topics in the past, she gets very defensive.
The kid wants no part of cleaning himself, or his room, or helping out one bit.
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Why are you allowing this scrub of a girlfriend to walk all over you?
That's a bit of a stretch to call her a scrub, and she's not walking all over me. This is me trying to tell her how to raise her kid. Apparently me requiring him to bathe more than twice a week is bad. I just don't know.
I have people telling me I am the problem because I let it happen, I have people telling me she is the problem and that I need to extricate myself from the entire situation.
I cannot even bring the subject up apparently without it blowing up...
That's a bit of a stretch to call her a scrub, and she's not walking all over me. This is me trying to tell her how to raise her kid. Apparently me requiring him to bathe more than twice a week is bad. I just don't know.
This is your home, right? You are unhappy with the situation as it stands. You have every right to tell her to be a parent because she is mooching off of you. She is sitting back and letting you do all the dirty work, while she sits on her ass. Sorry, but that's the epitome of a scrub. If you don't like the situation, only you can fix it, because she's obviously not going to do it on her own. If it were me, I'd have her bags packed and the locks changed.
I have people telling me I am the problem because I let it happen, I have people telling me she is the problem and that I need to extricate myself from the entire situation.
I cannot even bring the subject up apparently without it blowing up...
I don't think you are to blame. You seem to care and be making effort. It's just that telling a parent that they are not that great a parent usually backfires. Chances are she thinks she is a great parent and won't understand why you don't agree. This issue is simple. She had her son at 20 and now at 30 she is trying to live the life that she didn't have. You can't really change that fact. She will either grow out of this phase or not. The best thing that you can do is to be there for the boy. Maybe if she sees you doing the things she should be doing it will make her realize that her priorities are wrong.
I don't think you are to blame. You seem to care and be making effort. It's just that telling a parent that they are not that great a parent usually backfires. Chances are she thinks she is a great parent and won't understand why you don't agree. This issue is simple. She had her son at 20 and now at 30 she is trying to live the life that she didn't have. You can't really change that fact. She will either grow out of this phase or not. The best thing that you can do is to be there for the boy. Maybe if she sees you doing the things she should be doing it will make her realize that her priorities are wrong.
I agree 100% that her priorities are out of wack. Something that happened this weekend and something she said brought this to the forefront even more.
Something that will take even more of her time away from her parenting responsibilities and put more of it on me. I'm not down with that.
I have come to the conclusion that it's not fair to anyone involved. Me, or her son. Communicating that to her in a way that is not demeaning, insulting or hurtful is going to be problematic for me.
Because there is just no easy way to tell her how I feel, and tell her how the things she is doing is destructive to our relationship, her relationship with her son, and even her health.
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