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Then he said he loves all 3 of us, our daughter, our dog, and myself, the exact same amount.
No, it's NOT normal, it's NOT healthy, and it's absolutely, 100% not about the dog.
Should your daughter learn how to appropriately handle a pet? Of course, but the main point here is that her father is sending a very harmful message.
Under no circumstances should a child be told she is worth THE SAME as a pet to her parent.
I once knew a narcissist who told her child that she loved the dog as much as she loved the child because "the dog was always happy to see her and never talked back to her." Kids are not stupid and they can pick up on this stuff themselves, but to be told it to your face by your own father??
2. Doggy is not well trained at all. We have her litter trained, but she still disobeys sometimes. She has almost no obedience training. She does behave much better for me, but DH and DD let her do whatever she wants.
3. Dog is a chiweenie; half chihuahua and half dachshund.
4. I don't know what DH gets from the dog that he doesn't get from us. I suppose it might be a link to his childhood? He had small dogs when he was a kid. I also suspect he may have got the dog in an attempt to derail our plans to move back to the US. Immediately after he got it he started telling DD that we'll have to give up the dog if we move. That made me mad!
5. The decision to get a dog was DH's. I didn't think it was a good idea, because we were making plans to move overseas; and I had too much on my plate already. I told him not to show a picture of the dog to DD until we had time to think about it, but he did, so she helped him plead for the dog. Then he told me the breeder would probably kill her if we didn't take her, and I didn't want to be responsible for that. (But when I offered to help find homes for the other puppies, he said no, so maybe his story of killing the puppies was a lie?)
6. Daughter is 7, going into 2nd grade.
7. Yes, she is an only child.
8. Yes, DH has had dogs before. He had 2 growing up, one they had to give away when they moved, and one they kept until old age. His parents also have one now, that is very old.
9. DH works a lot, but he did spend a lot of his free time playing with DD before we got the dog. He spends less time with her now, because much of his play time is spent playing with the dog instead of DD.
Some of the comments in here about pecking order and dogs becoming aggressive to kids make sense. Our dog is always humping DD's legs, and a couple relatives said that is a dog's way of establishing authority over a person.
Also, I suppose the dog is pretty aggressive to DD. She's always digging her fangs into DD's clothing and hair, and pulling on her clothes and hair. DD's clothing are getting filled with holes from it.
Plus the dog often growls at DD, either when they're playing, or even if the dog is playing with DD's hair while she reads. I don't like it. I interpret growling as anger or intimidation, and don't like to hear it directed at my daughter.
DH interprets it to mean that DD must be doing something to hurt the dog. DH gets mad at DD when he hears the growling, because he assumes that DD is being mean to the dog. But I've seen them play, and that's not why she growls. She does it when she's ripping at DD's hair and clothing, and she starts pulling and whipping her head side to side while she does it, like she's in battle with her or something. DD thinks it's funny, but then DH yells at her to be nice to the dog, when she wasn't doing anything. THe dog doesn't growl at us adults. (I have seen her growl at DD's friends though, and at other dogs.)
Second, you don't like the dog very much. It's clear from how you talk about the dog. It's a nuisance and an unwelcome addition to your family. If you're really unhappy having the dog, you and your husband should talk about finding it a different home. If you don't want to rehome the dog, then read #3:
That's perceptive. I do like the dog, especially when she's cuddling in my arms. She brings out something in me that wants to nurture her and treat her like a little baby.
But I do also see her as a nuisance, and regret bringing her into the family. DH is not training her to behave. And both DD and DH have changed a lot since we got the dog. As I mentioned above, DH doesn't give DD the same attention and affection he used to give her, because that's all going to the dog now. He yells at her all the time instead. And I think DD has become less responsible since we got a dog. She never wants to do her homework or practice piano or help around the house anymore. And she keeps saying she doesn't want to go to school because the dog doesn't.
I care for the dog, but think she kinda messed up our family. I know I shouldn't blame the dog for that, because I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose. But I liked the way our home was before.
Another problem is that we're planning to move back to the US, and the dog is making that more difficult. My mom's boyfriend is buying a home for investment purposes that we can live in, but he doesn't want us to bring pets. DH's parents love dogs, and theirs is so old it can barely move. So I thought if there was any problem with moving the dog overseas, they would be happy to take it. But now DH is saying that the rules for their condo changed, so they won't be allowed to get another dog.
I do have friends that would be happy to take the dog, and I'm sure would give it a better home than we can. But DH and DD don't want to part with her, and I don't think the dog wants to part from us. But I do think it would probably be better for her, and better for our family, but it would be hard to separate them. I'm not sure what to do. But after hearing DH say he puts the dog on equal footing with DD, I'm thinking maybe I should separate them. I don't want to be the bad guy though. It's confusing.
You don't need to take hubby to a marriage counselor... you need to take him to a dog behaviorist, so all that he is doing wrong with the dog will be pointed out by a professional that hubby just may listen to. This. Will. Not. End. Well.
5. The decision to get a dog was DH's. I didn't think it was a good idea, because we were making plans to move overseas; and I had too much on my plate already. I told him not to show a picture of the dog to DD until we had time to think about it, but he did, so she helped him plead for the dog. Then he told me the breeder would probably kill her if we didn't take her, and I didn't want to be responsible for that. (But when I offered to help find homes for the other puppies, he said no, so maybe his story of killing the puppies was a lie?)
Does your husband use such blatantly manipulative tactics often? We already know he's said outrageous things to you and your daughter, things intended to shock and hurt, and that is bad enough.
I am sorry, very sorry, but as another poster said, this doesn't have anything to do with the dog. Your family is in trouble. I hate to recommend family counseling because I think many counselors are as messed up as their clients but your husband's machinations have to be brought out in the open.
I also suspect he may have got the dog in an attempt to derail our plans to move back to the US. Immediately after he got it he started telling DD that we'll have to give up the dog if we move.
...Then he told me the breeder would probably kill her if we didn't take her, and I didn't want to be responsible for that. (But when I offered to help find homes for the other puppies, he said no, so maybe his story of killing the puppies was a lie?)
This is really, really not good.
I mean, it's kind of psycho. Why would he say things like that??? It's pretty horrifying behavior from an adult.
It's clear he is using the dog to undermine you for some reason. Y'all have a LOT to talk about. Meanwhile, your daughter's self-worth will suffer.
Ooh, your DH should be careful. Dogs are very sensitive to perceived family dynamics and rankings... children should always come before dogs. Every dog that I've known in that situation where they were spoiled rotten ended up being really snappy towards the children.
Even Caesar Milan (the Dog Whisperer) have had several episodes about this. I can remember one clearly where a young girl told Caesar she hates her mom's spoiled dog and that if her parents divorced, she'd go with her dad and never have anything to do with mom. The mom was stunned to hear this and other things came to light that showed she really put the dog over the children. Those people don't get it and need to learn more about dogs.
We know someone whose parents openly preferred the dog over their child. They had the dog first and did not think that they would even have children so they really babied the dog. They treated the dog better than the child in many ways. He grew up extremely resentful and angry towards his parents ---I won't mince words---He ended up hating them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tlarnla
Some of the comments in here about pecking order and dogs becoming aggressive to kids make sense. Our dog is always humping DD's legs, and a couple relatives said that is a dog's way of establishing authority over a person.
Also, I suppose the dog is pretty aggressive to DD. She's always digging her fangs into DD's clothing and hair, and pulling on her clothes and hair. DD's clothing are getting filled with holes from it.
Plus the dog often growls at DD, either when they're playing, or even if the dog is playing with DD's hair while she reads. I don't like it. I interpret growling as anger or intimidation, and don't like to hear it directed at my daughter.
DH interprets it to mean that DD must be doing something to hurt the dog. DH gets mad at DD when he hears the growling, because he assumes that DD is being mean to the dog. But I've seen them play, and that's not why she growls. She does it when she's ripping at DD's hair and clothing, and she starts pulling and whipping her head side to side while she does it, like she's in battle with her or something. DD thinks it's funny, but then DH yells at her to be nice to the dog, when she wasn't doing anything. THe dog doesn't growl at us adults. (I have seen her growl at DD's friends though, and at other dogs.)
You better start saving for a good plastic surgeon as one of these days the dog may start to bite and attempt to rip and tear DD's face right off.
Or start saving for a good defense attorney if the dog bites or rips the face off of one of DD's friends.
BTW. I am not joking.
Have hubby discuss the dogs behavior with a veterinarian or a dog trainer ASAP. This is not normal behavior.
IMHO, either the dog goes or Hubby and the dog goes. You can not continue to risk your daughter's health and safety (and her emotional health).
You have a dog bite waiting to happen. Oy. You need to step in and give your husband a real wake up call....and sooner than later.
He is not doing the dog or your daughter any favors....and being passive-aggressive to you.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
You don't need to take hubby to a marriage counselor... you need to take him to a dog behaviorist, so all that he is doing wrong with the dog will be pointed out by a professional that hubby just may listen to. This. Will. Not. End. Well.
I agree.
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