Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So I was curious due to something a friend has told me growing up her mother greatly preferred her older sister and would take her shopping, buy her nice clothes etc. whereas she'd make my friend (who was 2 years younger) work and do chores when she had no issue with the older daughter not working or doing chores but she was always happy to support her cheer leading but my friend played soccer and her mother never went to her games. She got the older girl a car at 16 but made my friend buy hers. As well as other things.
I'm just curious what the general reasons are, especially if you are a woman that has experienced something similar growing up I'd like to hear what it was like.
So I was curious due to something a friend has told me growing up her mother greatly preferred her older sister and would take her shopping, buy her nice clothes etc. whereas she'd make my friend (who was 2 years younger) work and do chores when she had no issue with the older daughter not working or doing chores but she was always happy to support her cheer leading but my friend played soccer and her mother never went to her games. She got the older girl a car at 16 but made my friend buy hers. As well as other things.
I'm just curious what the general reasons are, especially if you are a woman that has experienced something similar growing up I'd like to hear what it was like.
I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing - preferring a daughter over the other, but there are parents who absolutely play favorites with siblings, regardless of their sex.
Growing up my mother clearly preferred my older brother to me - he was the golden boy who could do no wrong. He hardly got in trouble for anything (including underage drinking, partying, and lying about his whereabouts) and had no real chores. I, on the other hand, had to help clean the entire house every weekend and got grounded if my mom heard me use a bad word.
It was horrible and no parent should play favorites or have completely different rules for the children.
So I was curious due to something a friend has told me growing up her mother greatly preferred her older sister and would take her shopping, buy her nice clothes etc. whereas she'd make my friend (who was 2 years younger) work and do chores when she had no issue with the older daughter not working or doing chores but she was always happy to support her cheer leading but my friend played soccer and her mother never went to her games. She got the older girl a car at 16 but made my friend buy hers. As well as other things.
I'm just curious what the general reasons are, especially if you are a woman that has experienced something similar growing up I'd like to hear what it was like.
I don't think that's true. I think most parents probably have one child they relate to more, or get along with better, than another. But it has nothing to do with gender, and more to do with each child's personality.
I get along best with my child who is nothing like me...and worst with the one who is exactly like me (we butt heads too much!) Doesn't mean I love one more than the other.
I've never understood this. Do parents (or one parent) not know there's a very good chance of creating animosity and alienating the child as they get older by doing this?
So I was curious due to something a friend has told me growing up her mother greatly preferred her older sister and would take her shopping, buy her nice clothes etc. whereas she'd make my friend (who was 2 years younger) work and do chores when she had no issue with the older daughter not working or doing chores but she was always happy to support her cheer leading but my friend played soccer and her mother never went to her games. She got the older girl a car at 16 but made my friend buy hers. As well as other things.
I'm just curious what the general reasons are, especially if you are a woman that has experienced something similar growing up I'd like to hear what it was like.
I experienced this - but not to that measure. My sister and I were both taken shopping, received gifts, did chores, etc. In that respect, we were treated equally. However, I was more "spirited" (read: rebellious) than my sister, and so I was constantly compared to my sister, "Why can't you be more like ______," which during my formative years I took to mean she was the favorite.
It carried over into adulthood as well - both my perception AND their reactions to me for every little thing I did "wrong" in their eyes - and finally in my 40s, I confronted my parents about it. They had NO IDEA I felt that way and immediately went to my sister to verify. She backed me up and said, "Girl has felt that way our whole lives." My parents were shocked - they had no idea that they had been subconsciously treating me differently - and more negatively - even into adulthood.
Has it gotten better? Meh. The whole episode a few years ago did a number on me (there were multiple issues going on with my family at the time - I was villainized (I know that's not a word) and despite my sister taking my side in the battle, it was an awful time), and I've tried to step back and not be as involved with my family anymore.
As a result, I have a very different relationship with my kids. I can honestly say that my relationship with my kids is the polar opposite. I NEVER compare them to each other, and I have the type of relationship with them that I never had with my parents. We are close, we laugh with each other, we have open conversations, and we are very affectionate with each other.
So I was curious due to something a friend has told me growing up her mother greatly preferred her older sister and would take her shopping, buy her nice clothes etc. whereas she'd make my friend (who was 2 years younger) work and do chores when she had no issue with the older daughter not working or doing chores but she was always happy to support her cheer leading but my friend played soccer and her mother never went to her games. She got the older girl a car at 16 but made my friend buy hers. As well as other things.
I'm just curious what the general reasons are, especially if you are a woman that has experienced something similar growing up I'd like to hear what it was like.
My mother has ALWAYS preferred my younger siblings. She got remarried after she had me. I am the black sheep in our family. I've VERY similar to my father's side of my family. I', also closer to them than I am my mother's side....for good reason...They speak to me!
My sister has ALWAYS been spoiled. She's the baby and was treated like a doll when we were little. She never had do any chores, work, or get her license. I, on the other hand, started taking care of the house when I was 10 years old. This included making dinner for the entire family, doing the family laundry, every weekend I had to clean the bathrooms from top to bottom. I was responsible for washing the dishes as well. I had to clean the living room, dining room, and kitchen weekly as well. My mother is a hoarder so if I cleaned the living room on Saturday by Monday morning it would look like a bomb went off. Oh and I had to mow the lawns. I also had to watch my brother and sister. They didn't have any chores whatsoever. They were kids after all!
When I moved out, neither one of them were given any of my chores. I've been gone 20 years and the house should be condemned!
My brother is a prince. No really. He never lift a freaking finger. He would eat snacks and meals in his room. He'd leave mountains of paper plates, dishes, glasses, and silverware in his room. Every week I'd go empty it out. When I moved out, my mother realized how bad it was because they would run out of silverware! She still didn't tell him to knock it off.
My spoiled sister is a functioning alcoholic who has MAJOR depression issues. My brother hates his life and feels stuck with many things, but they were all situations he put himself in. Oddly enough, I'm the only one who's not miserable in life. It took me a loooooong time to get here though!
My mother's favorite was my younger brother. As someone once asked: Are you the son? His response.... "and the moon and the stars, yes." He was 19.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
