"Having it all sucks" (babysitters, SAHM, divorced, infant)
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I think it is silly that an adult woman could translate "having it all" as "having it all without any real cost", i.e., it should be a right to having it all without any real sacrifice.
Anyway, I never thought "having it all" meant anything besides having choices about how I want live. I personally think I have it all. Right now, I can honestly say that I am living the life that I want. Sure things aren't perfect but who really strives for a perfect life?
Good for you! Who would want a perfect life anyway, what would we strive for?
I dont mean to question your integrity but I dont exactly know what you do or what your credentials are to do said study. Are you in research? Elizabeth Warren was a Law Professor for Harvard and knows how to perform scholarly research.
If you do a google search of Elizabeth Warren Duel income trap its one of the hour long videos on youtube. There are a few. Id find the exact one but Im at work.
Elizabeth Warren? The Lying Law Professor. She's never spent a minute in the real world AND has been proven to be a liar. I'd question any research she's ever done on that fact alone.
Yup, priorities absolutely. My husband and I did some research, some thinking, and some calculating, when I was first pregnant. The choices were me stay at home and cuddle my kids as babies, pretty much get locked out of returning to my hi-tech career in any substantial fashion, and sacrifice their quality of education. Versus I stay at work, someone else cuddles my kid for 8 hours a day when they are babies (according to research, outcomes are the same for babies as long as they have a stable set of caregivers, it doesn't have to be all mom all the time), and then when they are older we can now afford a better school district/private school, tutoring, piano lessons, test prep, summer camp, talent searches, travel to a foreign country to learn a language, college savings, retirement savings so that our kids don't have to support us later, etc.
So I worked. I would have much rather cuddled my kids more as babies. I would LOVE to be at home right now with my preschooler. And believe you me it HURTS not to be. But I sacrificed all that for the long term goal of providing them a better education and preparation for adulthood and careers of their own.
Priorities.
I respect your honesty. I think your choice/priorities are very common today where it's largely the material things and making more $ that often overrides the parents desire to spend more time with their kid(s).
Being a former kid myself? All the material things you talk about are largely meaningless in my memories of my parents and my upbringing, having a mom who was a stay at home mom. The simple times together and the love she gave me are what I remember, not the "material things" that many parents assume their kids want/will be one of the most important things in their life. Just a different perspective for you.
Elizabeth Warren? The Lying Law Professor. She's never spent a minute in the real world AND has been proven to be a liar. I'd question any research she's ever done on that fact alone.
Regardless of her native american fiasco she still has conducted scholarly, peer reviewed research on economic issues. You can disagree with someones politics but it is difficult to disagree with documented research.
I can't take in anything else she said....I'm still stuck on the fact that they have a bag filled with poopy diapers in their bedroom! Neither one of them can seriously take 5 minutes and do something about that? That's just disgusting!!!
I am certainly thankful that I don't have to grow my own food - meat, produce, and grain - like my grandfather and his siblings. We have amazing modern conveniences today....more than ever.....dishwashers, washing machines and dryers, microwaves, refrigerators, stoves, vacuums, Swiffers, electric can openers, the list goes on and on....she can't find time to do laundry and keeps a stock pile of poopy diapers in her bedroom....I can only imagine if she had to use a washboard or a washer from the 40's! And forget hanging the clothes on the line.
Somehow she only took one day off - which I find hard to believe - but then she found hours to write her epic story that rivals Shakespeare in length? Not buying it.
Good for you, so you did provide for a parent to be their all/most of the time for your daughter. Most working parents I know don't do such a thing.....the kids spend most of their time in daycare, at their grandparents, etc. The "parents" are anything but except in name.
Really? MOST of their time? Even assuming each parents works the exact same 9-5 office job, with a half hour commute, the child would still spend most of their time with their parents. Once you get to school age, the overlap between school and most jobs accounts for some 7-8 hours a day. So again, "MOST" is not really accurate.
But that is the extreme, flex time, working from home, etc. are all becoming more and more the norm.
I don't know any families with both working parents who don't incorporate some sort of non-traditional hours into their parenting plan.
Over 1/3 of all salaried workers have flexible time schedules. http://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2007/12/art1full.pdf
And in managerial positions, it was 44% for men (as opposed to 32% for women, but that would be another thread). Flexible schedules are reality and becoming more so all the time.
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As for the article I referenced, it did indeed discuss science/study information so just because it's from a source that isn't traditionally a scientific news source is non-sequitur. One can search away for the source study if they want more details.
As for the meta analysis, not knowing the specifics of the studies/how they were conducted, here's something that hints that many of these "studies" have some major holes in them:
So you think a single essay from the NYT with a single reference and a broken link to a single study disproves a peer reviewed meta-analysis of over 60 studies? Really?
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And isn't it common sense that the more time parents spend with kids, assuming they are fit/stable parents, is a good/positive things vs spending very little time with them? I don't think we need countless "studies" and analysis of combining multiple studies(meta) to tell us this.
So if the studies agree with your point you want to use them as evidence, and when they don't you want to use common sense. Again, really? That isn't rational or even logical.
By what measure is working a 40 hour week equate to "very little time"? Isn't it common sense that there are 168 hours a week, and we and our kids are awake for 120 or so of them? By what measure is 2/3 of our waking hours "very little time"?
Look, I have clearly supported the claim that it is POSSIBLE to have two working parents and not have the kids suffer. Anything else is semantics, you clearly want to paint families with two working parents as selfish, money grubbers, who only see their children for "very little time" but that is not by any means universal nor even the most common scenario. You tried to incorporate science, when the science supported the advantages for many kids to have two working parents, you suddenly appealed to common sense. You cannot support your claim, and your hyperbolic rhetoric does nothing to prove your case. End of story.
Seriously? PAID family leave is taking from other workers and keeping it for your family, because of a choice YOU made. If "the family" is the base of society, and it's in society's best interest to have the family unit function well, then THAT FAMILY needs to make it happen. Whatever it takes.
How dare you get paid for a choice you made, when others (men, childless women) have to pick up your slack AND don't get that leave. You want family leave, then you need to sacrifice somewhere else - higher taxes, cut in overall pay, something. I already pay for your kid to attend school, and now you want MORE?
Just an fyi - this whole "good for society" thing is NOT the American way. Here, we celebrate the individual, not the collective. And we have a right to protect our property, which in this case is being taken by force to give to someone else.
Everyone is in a family. Even those without children. Paid family leave allows you to take off to care for an aging parent. Or any variety of scenarios.
And guess what? If you don't take off to care for that aging relative, who do you think does? A paid caregiver, who in all likelihood is paid by the taxpayer via medicaid.
And spare us all of this holier than thou tax payer NONSENSE. There are hundreds of things that any one of us could point at and say the same "Hey I don't use that, I shouldn't be paying towards it". I have never had a fire burn down my house, odds are I never will, but part of my taxes goes towards maintaining a firehouse. Same with health care. Everyone at your job pays pretty close to the same premium (with families usually paying the most) , but the old folks cost a lot more to insure than the little kids, but because we acknowledge that it is worthwhile to society to have these items we share the burden.
And lets be clear, you don't pay for my child to school, you contribute a tiny portion to a collective that educates children to a minimum level. And you get the same benefit to that as any member of society, namely a generation of people who have the ability to get at least a minimal job which stops them from rioting in the streets and keeps crime down.
So enough of this "America is not about society". We are a SOCIETY first, and foremost, and you benefit from being a member of that society. With those benefits come responsibilities and that includes sucking it up and being part of the collective good even when it doesn't apply directly to you.
Elizabeth Warren? The Lying Law Professor. She's never spent a minute in the real world AND has been proven to be a liar. I'd question any research she's ever done on that fact alone.
Who care what YOU'D question? If the work is peer reviewed, than it has been examined by experts from the field. Which is certainly more valuable than some rando on an internet forum.
Regardless of her native american fiasco she still has conducted scholarly, peer reviewed research on economic issues. You can disagree with someones politics but it is difficult to disagree with documented research.
Documented by a proven liar. Nope, sticking with that whole "integrity" thing.
Some one else asked "What is the name of your kid's dentist and when is their next appointment". Again, every mom could answer that and not one of the fathers could name both.
Heck, I'm in my 40's and I can't tell you when my next dentist appointment is and I'm female! I know it's scheduled. It's on my calendar in my phone. I'll get a message 2 days before. Oh and I only made the appointment 2-3 weeks ago and it's in 3 months.....priorities...we all have different priorities. Keeping space in my brain for my dentist isn't one of those priorities....that gets pushed off onto the lovely folks from Apple and their wonderful iPhone.
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All the material things you talk about are largely meaningless in my memories of my parents and my upbringing, having a mom who was a stay at home mom. The simple times together and the love she gave me are what I remember, not the "material things" that many parents assume their kids want/will be one of the most important things in their life. Just a different perspective for you.
