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Did you wing it or did you read everything you could on the subject?
I certainly didn't "wing it". I waited until I was old enough to want to give and expect nothing in return. I got an education, traveled, and got any "wildness" at me.
Then I read everything I could get my hands on, and used what made sense and resonated for me. And, I did it with my husband. - the reading, I mean.
For the most part, I winged it. I might have read a few books when my first was a baby, but that's it. However, I have spent countless hours pouring through current research, data and studies across many areas. I'd say that helped a great deal in arming myself with a firm foundation on current research and practices.
But I did what came natural to me, and some practices were influenced by my experience as a preteen/teen caring for infant/toddler siblings. Every stage has its own dynamic and challenges, and the same for children. I had a general vision of how I wanted to raise my children, which changed overtime, for the better. It's all a learning process for all parties.
You can't get aggravated at someone who can't make it through the night because they're growing quickly and their body can't go 8 hours without food.
You can't get aggravated when your child spits up on your clean clothes and you have to change again.
You can't get aggravated when sticky fingers touch everything!
All the aggravations in the world will never equal the joy of having that wondrous little person in your life. Be kind always. Love each child with more love than you ever knew you had - but do.
Best wishes. Stay positive. Make an awesome new member of society!
Got rid of the motorcycle. Made sure I could afford it. Made a plan with my spouse. Read a lot. Talked with other parents in terms of what to expect, emotions, etc., hung out with parents and their kids. I did a good amount. I think it helped a lot.
I never stop learning.
Biggest thing was to keep things in perspective and focus on the needs - food, drink, changing diapers, etc. cover the needs and the rest is gravy. It's only life.
Apart from making sure all my debt was paid off - I did nothing much useful. However, Hunterseat gave excellent advice.
And remember that when they are toddlers they see things differently from a socially-conditioned adult. So be chill about "right" and "wrong" and rein in your age-inappropriate expectations. Reading around can help there since psychologists and the like can help explain how little brains see and consider the world.
And don't fret over screwing up because we all screw up. But do analyze the screw up and take action to reduce that screw up in the future.
Finally - try to do what is in the baby's best interests (and later the child's best interests). By that, I mean don't be focused about other's expectations of what you "should do" or how things "should be" (eg parents, grandparents, neighbors, friends, strangers in the store, your ego etc.). Always put the kid's interests first once you have brought them into the world. For example, screw what anyone else thinks if your kid is having a tantrum - because she's having a hard time and you need to figure it out and calm her down - don't show off to others your "parenting skills" of harsh punishment or whatever other stuff will placate observers).
Big picture. Do you want to be a micro-manager, permissive, or somewhere in between? Talk with parents of children of all ages to see what the challenges are (I could write a dissertation on preteen girls right now). Don't focus on the baby years to the exclusion of everything else. Plan what you'll do about childcare, what you'll do when a child gets sick in the middle of the day, how you'll pay for everything, who will be the "kid chaffeur" for practices, etc..., how you'll deal with disobedience and defiance at all ages.
Don't lose the forest for the trees. The baby stuff seems monumental, but that's like 1/9 of the childhood/adolescence years. Have a plan and a vision!
Great post. The baby years, outside of sleep deprivation, are the easiest. Things drastically complicate once they are able to walk/run and then when they are able to say "no". Also, once you have more than 1 or 2, life gets complicated.
Also, take time to get/stay in shape as once the children come, sometimes that becomes more of a challenge, especially if you are working full time.
I married the best "mommie to be" in the world. After that it was easy, I just did what ever she wanted or needed.
Some people are just born to be great moms. That's what I wanted for my kids to be, so I aggressively searched for the best. 30+ yrs later she is helping my daughter with our first grandchild. She say's its like riding a bike, you never forget how to do it.
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