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Here is the rule for my 15 and 12 year old boys: You choose to have a bad attitude I'll add another chore to their daily list. It seems to have cut the bad attitudes down to nil. It also removed the need to nag on them about their attitude. My kids know very well I will not tolerate bad attitudes, disrespectful "looks", and big sighs to state how they feel.
Side note: I have a bunch of silver platters that were well-shined in my home until my boys finally understood that I meant EVERY WORD of what I said that bad attitudes will be followed up with extra chores.
that's fine and dandy and I commend you,,,but be careful of zero tolerance- coaches are better than dictators
when they grow up and have their own place they might be slobs because they still hear your voice echo in their head
I've seen this play out many many times with friends
you really don't want to raise a shrinking violet- later in life they are most susceptible to tolerating a man abusing her
when my son started getting an attitude- I didn't make it into a test of wills..i sat him down and asked what was really bothering him ... and why did I deserve that "tude?????
if you want me to treat you more age appropriately, then "act" that way
the only other thing I have to add is I'm glad I had a son
Can you explain more what you mean please ? what is a shrinking violet ?
Wow, just starting? Consider yourself lucky. Do remind yourself that she is also experiencing hormonal issues that make her more irritable, so it isn't personal. But just starting at almost 13, count yourself very very lucky!
I can see your kids massively retaliating against you later in life. Sorry, but you come across much more as a dictator than a loving parent. I am not saying you don't love your kids, I am sure you do, but that's the way you just came across.
I find it so discouraging when people automatically write off girls as horrible or hellions just because then turn a certain age. I have two daughters and my whole parenting life I have been told, "Wait until they are teenagers....you are going to have your hands full!" or "Two girls? You are going to hate the teen years!" or similar such comments.
Why do we do this? Seriously......why? It is almost as if we are setting them (and us) up for failure. Is there some attitude change during this time? Sure. They are changing rapidly in body and mind and this will lead to some attitude changes. Can they be disrespectful? Yep. But they are still in a learning mode and it is our jobs to keep teaching. But are they hellions or evil or out to get us? I say no. There are always exceptions to the rule but the majority of parents I know with teenage daughters are not praying for them to turn 18 already.
We are doing a disservice to our daughters with this kind of talk and exaggeration. Why don't we start talking about the teen years in a more positive light? These are the last years that we get to spend with them before launching them into the world. They are wonderful people with ideas, feelings, goals, and opinions. They are also trying to learn how to be independent people and with this can come worry, fear, confusion, etc. This is when they need us even though they may not act like it. Our parental role starts to change from a manager to a consultant. Not telling them how to act and feel, but helping to problem solve by offering solutions and advice. While at the same time enforcing the rules and boundaries that they need to feel safe and grow up to become productive members of society.
Transitions are hard but don't write off your daughters just yet. Our jobs are tough enough without all of these preconceived notions of "the teenage years". Let's change the tone and not try and create drama where it may not exist.
Can you explain more what you mean please ? what is a shrinking violet ?
sometimes society frowns on a very strong willed child, we call them defiant, oppositional
teenagers are on new ground everyday, while we do want them to be independent we as parents have a tough time having them independent at us
a strong willed, highly determined young lady will take less crap from a guy than a passive girl(shrinking violet) will
as parents we are the first adults/authority teenagers challenge and of course we don't really like it .
to quash a strong willed or highly spirited child is wrong,,,we just need to re-direct them
boys use to get beaten because they were strong willed and rebellious years ago
but these strong willed boys usually turned into hard working men.... with high goals
we don't have a dishwasher, there is dried food on the dishes on an almost daily basis, this just started recently though, normally the dishes are just fine ..
I'm seeing a pattern on sloppy chores, along with an attitude when asked about them ..
I guess I will just "get used to it" and wait 8 years for this to be over lol.
Not suggesting this, but let her do the dishes DON'T say anything if they're not "Good" then serve her dinner WITH that dish...If she complains then say "If you don't like it, maybe you could wash them better?"
I was never allowed to do the dishes, my Mother had been a short order cook and never trusted anyone to do dishes as good as she could do. But she sure taught me how to cook....
I have a 13 year old daughter and she's lovely. Yes, she has her moments, but for the most part she's awesome (and I tell her that frequently). We had a period when she was 11 years old that she became a shrieking banshee over every little thing, but during that period I taught her about engaging in better communication, and how to avoid unnecessary escalation of teen hormone-driven emotions. When she starts to escalate with me, I may say, "Is this you acting like a hormonal teenager right now?" which de-escalates things almost immediately because it makes her laugh.
When I ask my daughter to do something, if she rolls her eyes or sighs heavily, I let it go, but I still require the chore be done - and she knows this. And once it's done I sing, "Thank you for doing that, [daughter], I love you!" And yes, sometimes I'll get a sarcastic, "Whatever, Mom," as she heads to her room, but other times I get a begrudging "You're welcome," followed by a request to watch a movie together.
I'm willing to let the occasional bad attitude fly by if she shows me a good one the majority of the time. Everyone should be allowed to be in a bad mood SOMEtimes. We're all human, after all.
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