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I'm not saying do any of this, I'm just mentioning it. If we were to act like an adult and do all that to my parents, do whatever we wanted when we wanted etc and not follow rules (regardless of our age) we would be told to go live somewhere else (not my best way of putting it). I don't know where you are, but where I live regardless of your age, as long as you are under your parents roof, you are to abide by their rules. So even though he is 19, he's under your roof, so I don't see why you couldn't punish him. Just my thought.
He's 19, what kind of punishment can you dish out? He's an adult. If you don't want him in your home, so be it, but that's about the only punishment that can be had for someone of legal age.
That might depend on whose car he is driving. Who is paying for school?
I am honestly astounded at the people here who are treating the actions of 19 year old like those of a 15 year old - making so many excuses over not something that was just devious and hurtful but involved quite a large sum of money. How times have changed! Who cares about hormones - he is a man who needs to learn to control that stuff...and probably a lot more, from the sound of it. Everyone is so quick to cite his age and throw their hands up in the air.
This kid is obviously not self-sufficient so that allows for many opportunities to "teach" through withdrawal of any benefits he's receiving from the OP (I'm sure the vacation is not the only thing). He deserves to be treated like a 15 year old and that is exactly what I would do - anything I was paying for would stop to repay the $600 and future outlays of money would be seriously reconsidered, dependent on his attitude and whether he was contrite or not.
I took my 2 children and 19 yr old step son on vacation to Florida. Two days before we were suppose to leave, he tells me that his mom called and demanded he return home the next day. The reason was to meet an admissions counceler at college for some enrollment issue; and this was the only day to get an appointment. I had to eat the $200 nonrefundable return ticket I got for him and pay $400 one way airfare home the next day. To make a long story short it was all a lie. He wanted to return home to hang out with some girl he likes who wanted to see him that particular day and they went out on a date. So Im out $600 airfare, a day of my vacation traveling to the airport, and I was lied to; all so this kid could hang out with a girl he has a crush on.
Im furious. To me this was an act of complete selfishness on the part of my step son and I feel totally duped. While the financial loss ticks me off, what really has my blood boiling is thet this kid basically conned me. I cannot even imagine at that age doing something like this to my family. Putting it frankly, I think the kid is just taking advantage of my kindness and using me for money.
Looking to see how other parents would feel and what punishment should be.
You should have talked to his mom to verify. I would have been suspicious from the get go. Then you could have avoided the whole situation. Lesson learned? Don't trust a teenager.
I am honestly astounded at the people here who are treating the actions of 19 year old like those of a 15 year old - making so many excuses over not something that was just devious and hurtful but involved quite a large sum of money. How times have changed! Who cares about hormones - he is a man who needs to learn to control that stuff...and probably a lot more, from the sound of it. Everyone is so quick to cite his age and throw their hands up in the air.
This kid is obviously not self-sufficient so that allows for many opportunities to "teach" through withdrawal of any benefits he's receiving from the OP (I'm sure the vacation is not the only thing). He deserves to be treated like a 15 year old and that is exactly what I would do - anything I was paying for would stop to repay the $600 and future outlays of money would be seriously reconsidered, dependent on his attitude and whether he was contrite or not.
My first thought was to kick him out of the house. He's 19. I'm sure the parents are paying for his food, medical, dental, room and board, clothing and incidentals. Can the parent withhold all that... make him sleep in a backyard tent... let him scrounge the woods for food and make his own clothing out of animal skins... teach himself herbal medicine... etc, etc? Would the law step in and arrest the parents for abuse? I don't know.
Unfortunately that money wasn't lent to him with the agreement that he'd pay it back. It was freely spent without strings. That mom hasn't a legal leg to stand on. Somebody raised a self-absorbed brat. It's called "reaping what you've sown".
I am honestly astounded at the people here who are treating the actions of 19 year old like those of a 15 year old - making so many excuses over not something that was just devious and hurtful but involved quite a large sum of money. How times have changed! Who cares about hormones - he is a man who needs to learn to control that stuff...and probably a lot more, from the sound of it. Everyone is so quick to cite his age and throw their hands up in the air.
This kid is obviously not self-sufficient so that allows for many opportunities to "teach" through withdrawal of any benefits he's receiving from the OP (I'm sure the vacation is not the only thing). He deserves to be treated like a 15 year old and that is exactly what I would do - anything I was paying for would stop to repay the $600 and future outlays of money would be seriously reconsidered, dependent on his attitude and whether he was contrite or not.
I am honestly astounded at the people here who are treating the actions of 19 year old like those of a 15 year old - making so many excuses over not something that was just devious and hurtful but involved quite a large sum of money. How times have changed! Who cares about hormones - he is a man who needs to learn to control that stuff...and probably a lot more, from the sound of it. Everyone is so quick to cite his age and throw their hands up in the air.
This kid is obviously not self-sufficient so that allows for many opportunities to "teach" through withdrawal of any benefits he's receiving from the OP (I'm sure the vacation is not the only thing). He deserves to be treated like a 15 year old and that is exactly what I would do - anything I was paying for would stop to repay the $600 and future outlays of money would be seriously reconsidered, dependent on his attitude and whether he was contrite or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
Bingo!
I completely agree with renee, in fact, I doubt if even many 15 year olds would be that manipulative and deceptive to lie to their step-parent about something, cause them to lose a day of vacation (by forcing them to drive to the airport), forfeit their $200 nonrefundable airplane ticket and adding the expense of a new last minute airplane ticket costing $400. Now, it is possible that a much younger child, say a 10 or 12 year old may not understand the financial implications of going home early, but I would expect most 19 year olds to know that.
If that 19 year old has hormones that are that strong (a few posters implied his teenage hormones caused the problem) that he loses all common sense and common decency I predict even more serious problems in the future.
Sheesh! He acted like an immature, self-centered brat times ten!
I really hope that the OP comes back and tells us what happened next and what the OP and the other parents decided to do to punish him for his actions.
You should have talked to his mom to verify. I would have been suspicious from the get go. Then you could have avoided the whole situation. Lesson learned? Don't trust a teenager.
I agree. If he is the step son, then the OP is married to mom, right? So how come he doesn't talk to mom himself? That's weird. And what does mom think about all this? I mean, he's her son. I'd be furious, but I'd also blame myself somewhat for apparently not having any kind of communication with any relevant adults.
I also agree that 19 is too old for that nonsense. 15 I could understand, but this kid isn't even a minor anymore.
I took my 2 children and 19 yr old step son on vacation to Florida. Two days before we were suppose to leave, he tells me that his mom called and demanded he return home the next day. The reason was to meet an admissions counceler at college for some enrollment issue; and this was the only day to get an appointment. I had to eat the $200 nonrefundable return ticket I got for him and pay $400 one way airfare home the next day. To make a long story short it was all a lie.
Did you not check with his mother first? Oops ...
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