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Someone once said that men do not learn compassion, true compassion, until they become fathers. And for a woman, being a mother starts at conception. Being a father starts at birth.
OP, from your post it sounds like you are single? I think for some people, meeting their partner and getting married or at least making some type of commitment to each other, can often be the trigger for wanting kids. Not just because it's the next step in life although there are some people who do kind of drift into parenthood that way, but more because you can get to the point where you want to create something larger than yourself and your partner as a result of the love you have for each other.
Yeah, I know that sounds a bit sappy and it's not even my story, I'm a single parent and have been right from the start. But it's also a reality that for some people, until they are partnered, they don't have that switch flipped on wanting kids.
Or you could be someone who truly doesn't want to be a parent and that's ok too. But most of them seem to feel more strongly about that, and are not split between wondering whether or not they do, they know remaining childfree is an affirmative choice they are making because they want that life.
How old were you when you had the desire to have a child? Did you have the desire before? Did the desire change as you got older?
I'm almost 30 (I'm a guy) and have 0 desire to have kids. I've gotten used to my life. I like coming home to a quiet place, being able to watch crude movies, travelling the world, and being a cheapskate. I guess it's nice being able to plan my life around my own wishes.
I was on the fence about having kids when I was in my early 20s, but the older I get, the less desire I have. My parents kept telling me that I would want kids, but that day hasn't happened yet. They stopped bothering me about a year ago.
My mom was 25 when she had me. I'm almost 30 and I still can't imagine having kids based solely on finances. The thought of someone having a child at age 25 really scares me. No way was I ready for that at 25. I don't ever think I'll be ready for that kind of responsibility (or some might say headache).
I am in my early thirties. My husband is a few years older. I still do not desire kids. Maybe it will change, maybe it won't. We had this discussion and decided we would reevaluate when I am thirty-five. My husband really wants one child, he always has, but it is actually me that is on the fence. I did ask him before we got married if he still wanted to marry me knowing that I might not want to try to have kids one day and he said yes. I know that he would be disappointed if we didn't, because he has always seemed like the dad-type to me and I know he would be a good father, but we are very honest and open about this with each other so---that's where it stands.
I have zero problem with anything you've said. I also had kid later in life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lepoisson
Here's one thing I've been doing. Every time I do something, whether it's going to the store, going out to eat, shopping, I always imagine what it would be like having kids right that second. I have yet to find a situation where having kids would make it more enjoyable of an experience. Although it does seem easier to meet people when both people have kids.
And this is because you don't have kids. 3-5 yr olds are actually pretty fun. My son has made me laugh more in the past 2 years then anybody else on planet earth. It is enjoyable to eat out with my son. We go to "Breako" as we call it every Sun, just him and I. I wouldn't trade that for the world.
I'm a guy. I wanted to have kids when I was in 20es. Then it faded away after few bad relationships (thankfully without marriage).
Then I met my now wife when I was 30. We could not have kids naturally and we weren't ready. So we work, traveled the world and enjoyed our life as much as we could taking multiple trips a year. Sometimes just for a weekend to go to Milan or day city hoping in Europe. Things you can't do with kids.
Then as we progressed in life we did some research on medical procedures but weren't really doing anything.
We had our first when I was 37 and expecting second while first would be just around 2.
The thing is having a kid a tough. But it's fun.
All prior life seems dull at this point. I'm not advocating for having one. I'm just expressing my thoughts and feelings.
I was always getting up late in morning and going to sleep late. Now it's the opposite - up at 6am and bed at 10pm.
But there are no regrets for complete change of life style.
Just watching, playing, doing stuff with the kid is a lot of fun. But it's gotta be your kid. Because they stories won't ever tell how it feels. We've seen many friends having kids and being happy. Yet we never understood what it is untill we had our.
Also, when you have kids all situations that you life now won't happens. that's why you can't imagine what is having kids in your current situation could possible be a plus.
But for example, we get up at 6am and we always have a stool together on the street before I have to leave to work at 8:30 and now we can grab breakfast at the street cafe and enjoy cool quite summer morning while watching city wake up.
We have never done that before having kids. We always had breakfast at work separately.
Nobody says it's all fun and smiles. There are cries, there are worries, etc.
I was pretty sure I never wanted them until I met my husband and we got married, and having a child just felt really right. I remember us being on vacation on a beach and thinking how much fun it would be to come back and do this with our kids later on. I grew up wanting to have a great career and travel the world, and now I'm a stay at home mom who goes on the occasional cruise! It really was a change that just came about for me once I met the man I really wanted to spend my life with. That doesn't mean it's that way for everyone, and I think that's perfectly fine to not want kids if you don't want them.
I never wanted to have kids because honestly, my mother didn't seem to be having any fun being a mother. She seemed constantly stressed and unhappy and depressed. Yelling all the time. My father was very hands-off and I grew up with the impression that taking care of kids was the mother's job and you had to do it all alone, and then the world would judge you for it. Who wants that kind of life?
When I was ten I remember saying to my sister, "I'd make a terrible mother." I didn't have kids, my sister didn't either. My cousins both got married, had kids, and wound up with cheating husbands whose kids sided with the father and treated them (the mothers) like crap.
I'm a 38 year old male and i have little desire to have kids although i would be an excellent father. Most of my choice is based on financial reasons it costs a ton of money to raise kids. Most people don't worry about the finances and have kids with no money in the bank and i refuse to do that. I refuse to be that guy looking for sympathy with jobs and saying the same old line "i got kids to feed". To me that is bs you should of thought of that beforehand.
Plus people are more evil these days and the world is overpopulated as it is.
Im a female. I was sure that I dont want kids until about 35. After that it was turning into "maybe I should?"
At 37 I had my first.It is nice to have a baby. Its a lot of work but its a lot of fun too! (After about 10 months).
You have so much time, should just stop thinking about it too much..
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