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I can "take a hint," but I absolutely outright refuse to because I consider it sub-par communication for the lazy. It puts the onus on the person you're communicating to to have to do extra work to figure out what you mean when the onus should be on YOU that you communicate clearly so that there is no misunderstanding what you mean. You don't have to be "rude," just say "I don't want to hurt your feelings but I'm not interested in going out with you/our kids playing together/my kids being watched by someone else in the family [or whatever] at this time."
So if you are such a straight shooter, why didn't you tell your mom you didn't want her to come with you and your family on vacation?
How could you possibly know all that from these posts?
Just because the SIL won't leave her kids unattended with the OP's wife doesn't mean she doesn't let them have relationships with other people. There's something about he OP and his wife that SIL doesn't like and she doesn't want her kids around them. That doesn't mean she's depriving them of anything.
AC is not talking about the OP, but referring to the posts by shyguy.
What part of 'parents decide who their young children interact with' don't people understand? It doesn't matter if the persons concerned are family or not, the parents have the last say in the matter. The sister in law may have been more willing to explain herself at an earlier date but your wife's refusal to take no for an answer and her continual nagging about letting her take the children have most likely hardened the sister in law towards your wife. If a parent feels something is off about a family member, they shouldn't feel forced to have their children interact with them 'because they are family'. It's obvious that the sister in law feels that something is 'off' with your wife. If you are close to her, maybe you should ask her once, if there is a problem or misunderstanding that you can correct. If she says yes and tells you what it is, maybe you can work on it. If she says no, she just doesn't want to leave her kids with your wife, accept that and don't ask again.
Sign up for the classes to get foster children in your area, then accept foster kids for a while.
There are hundreds of children of all ages (infants, toddlers, pre-teen, and teens) who need a kind, warm, loving home for a while.
Your wife sounds like an ideal candidate to take some of these kids. They need love, and she has an abundance of it to give. A "win-win" if I ever heard of one!
To me that's not a bad idea, and then I'd go one farther and when the right time came up say something around the sister-in-law such as "yes, I'm really enjoying it, it's so refreshing to be blessed with this opportunity without having to deal with paranoid and selfish people HINT HINT" (if we're going to do hints).
That, to me, is a huge part of what's wrong with society today, paranoia and lack of trust. Anymore you practically have to get a background check just to go into a $1 store to get a pair of reading glasses. Some people freak out if you take photos at a birthday party because oh my goodness someone might see this photo and abduct my child to Mars. (By the way, no, parents DO NOT own their child's "likeness" and DO NOT get to dictate picture taking in public places where there kids are, nor should they be able to.) People not trusting ANYONE with their kids at all except their own selves, only themselves 100%, that's just silly I'm sorry, and to the extent that you hurt the feelings of a good person who only wants to share their love with your child and be a good blessing to them, it's selfish. Even if "it's their child, their rules" even if "they don't have to explain why"--even so, it's STILL selfish.
I totally understand exercising due caution and taking steps to help minimize the risk of something awful happening, but in the reading I've done on the matter they tell me crime is DOWN compared to 20 years ago. What's with all the paranoia? People anymore are taking it too far, not trusting anybody because of a 1 in a billion chance something MIGHT happen. It's amazing how much joy there is to be had out there when you stop being paranoid while nonetheless remaining reasonably cautious. (And at the risk of sounding like a skipping LP it's also amazing how much confusion can be cleared up when we stop with all the "hints" nonsense and just spell it out already.)
To me that's not a bad idea, and then I'd go one farther and when the right time came up say something around the sister-in-law such as "yes, I'm really enjoying it, it's so refreshing to be blessed with this opportunity without having to deal with paranoid and selfish people HINT HINT" (if we're going to do hints).
That, to me, is a huge part of what's wrong with society today, paranoia and lack of trust. Anymore you practically have to get a background check just to go into a $1 store to get a pair of reading glasses. Some people freak out if you take photos at a birthday party because oh my goodness someone might see this photo and abduct my child to Mars. (By the way, no, parents DO NOT own their child's "likeness" and DO NOT get to dictate picture taking in public places where there kids are, nor should they be able to.) People not trusting ANYONE with their kids at all except their own selves, only themselves 100%, that's just silly I'm sorry.
I totally understand exercising due caution and taking steps to help minimize the risk of something awful happening, but in the reading I've done on the matter they tell me crime is DOWN compared to 20 years ago. What's with all the paranoia? People anymore are taking it too far, not trusting anybody because of a 1 in a billion chance something MIGHT happen. It's amazing how much joy there is to be had out there when you stop being paranoid while nonetheless remain reasonably cautious.
Maybe she just wants to take her kids to see Santa herself.
After a bad divorce a few years ago, I met a really great woman who has 4 adult children of her own from a previous marriage. She really loves kids and is an excellent mother. She brings their kids presents when we visit and always makes it a point to talk to them and sit with them. She even helps get their plates ready and does so much to help out. She totally understands what it is like to have young children. Every time she asks my brothers wife when she can have their kids over to our house for either a sleep over or go to take them somewhere (like a playground, movie, etc) the excuse is she has to ask her husband and ultimately the answer is always pushed off and not really answered. At a recent family gathering she asks my sister in front of her husband (my brother) and he didn't seem to mind but she chimes in and stated that they have plans the few days that my wife suggested. She then excused himself from the table and my wife felt very offended but left it at that. The rest of the time was fine, but whenever the conversation shifts to the kids, my brothers wife gets very uncomfortable (you can see it on her face). My wife is an excellent caregiver and has so much experience with children. She just wants their children to be comfortable with her because she really misses when her kids were that age, and after all they are her nieces and nephew. Now that the holiday season is here, my wife wants to take the kids Christmas shopping at the mall and to see Santa. I am not sure the correct way for us to approach them in regards to this. I asked my brother awhile back if there was a problem between his wife and my wife and he said he didn't think so. My wife really wants to call her and point blank ask if she just doesn't trust her or what the deal is. My wife is very trustworthy and it really irks her that there is this doubt cast upon her. Any advice would be appreciated.
Regardless of what your wife's qualifications are, if the children's mom is not comfortable with her babysitting, you have to respect her wishes whether you agree or not and even if it upsets you & your wife.
The only time you go against a parent's wishes is if it was a situation where that same parent was causing physical, mental, or emotional harm to a child. Or if the parent was seriously neglecting their child in some way.
To me that's not a bad idea, and then I'd go one farther and when the right time came up say something around the sister-in-law such as "yes, I'm really enjoying it, it's so refreshing to be blessed with this opportunity without having to deal with paranoid and selfish people HINT HINT" (if we're going to do hints).
That, to me, is a huge part of what's wrong with society today, paranoia and lack of trust. Anymore you practically have to get a background check just to go into a $1 store to get a pair of reading glasses. Some people freak out if you take photos at a birthday party because oh my goodness someone might see this photo and abduct my child to Mars. (By the way, no, parents DO NOT own their child's "likeness" and DO NOT get to dictate picture taking in public places where there kids are, nor should they be able to.) People not trusting ANYONE with their kids at all except their own selves, only themselves 100%, that's just silly I'm sorry, and to the extent that you hurt the feelings of a good person who only wants to share their love with your child and be a good blessing to them, it's selfish. Even if "it's their child, their rules" even if "they don't have to explain why"--even so, it's STILL selfish.
I totally understand exercising due caution and taking steps to help minimize the risk of something awful happening, but in the reading I've done on the matter they tell me crime is DOWN compared to 20 years ago. What's with all the paranoia? People anymore are taking it too far, not trusting anybody because of a 1 in a billion chance something MIGHT happen. It's amazing how much joy there is to be had out there when you stop being paranoid while nonetheless remaining reasonably cautious. (And at the risk of sounding like a skipping LP it's also amazing how much confusion can be cleared up when we stop with all the "hints" nonsense and just spell it out already.)
You don't even know the reason why the sister in law does not want the "wife" to have alone time with the kids. We do not know anything about this woman, she is not the original poster's wife. So who is she, and why can she not create her own post on City-Data?
Maybe the woman smokes, and sister in law does not want her kids around a smoker. Maybe the sister in law saw her texting and driving, and doesn't trust the woman to drive her kids around or she is so attached to her phone, she cannot be trusted to actively watch small children out in public. Just because you think people who call out your creepy behavior ( why would you even want to photograph children against their parent's wishes? Who cares what is legal) are paranoid, does not mean there is not a legitimate reason for their concern.
For all we know, the sister in law has already told this woman the reason, maybe she just does not want to accept the truth. The original poster (who is not her husband) does not have the full story.
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