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Two 14-year-old sisters, one in 8th grade and one in 9th. Middle school and high school. The other day the 9th grader was let out 45 minutes early from some band practice, she was locked out of school, couldn't find anybody with a phone, ended up waiting outside all that time for Daddy to come at designated time.
OK so she needs a phone. I have a flip phone I rarely use, don't like and am willing to give to her for purpose of calling home, etc. But Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. It's not cool to have a flip phone and she would be mortified for anybody to see her using it! Daughter tells her daddy that teachers all the time say "get out your phone and go to xyz ". Could that possibly be true. I'm sure she is not the only one without a phone.
DH says they both need phones and we can get ones without data plan.
Here's my problem---besides I'm old and grumpy. We are on them all the time about too much screen time and here he is talking about giving them one more screen!
So do your 14 year old kids have smart phones? Do teachers really assume all kids have them and use them as part of instruction?
If we got them, the rule would be the same as it is for their nexus and laptops---only used downstairs in family room and never upstairs in the bedrooms.
I really was hoping we could hold off til they are 16 but maybe that's not realistic. I know it is important to fit in but damn...this could get expensive. DH has company phone, I don't want a smart phone and we are not used to this expense.
My son got a flip phone when he was 15 1/2. He knew that was all he was getting so he didn't bother whining about it. He got a smart phone from his dad (an iPhone), when he turned 18. Parents need to stop caving on this crap. Kids do not NEED smart phones. They certainly are not used in our school district.
My youngest, a now high schooler without a smartphone, has turned out to be a much more resilient and adaptable teenager than preschooler. It's funny, because he loves his gaming system, but he doesn't really care about having a smartphone. Makes me wonder if there's a difference between boys and girls when it comes to this issue.
My son is not on his phone nearly as much as my daughter. But my son also Skypes with his friends (who all go to a different school) while he's on the computer, so I'm not sure it's much different.
I have spent a lot of time in school these days, most with elementary and middle schoolers. You wouldn't believe what even some of these 4th graders are using their phones for! Snapchatting, Kik, etc... nudes to one another and sexting!! Kids as young as 12, 13, 14 feeling the pressure. If you think "oh, my kid would never do that" BS! Kids are smart these days, they know how to cover their tracks. A lot of kids are distracted by these devices, using them to bully others or demoralize themselves in order to fit it.
My daughter and I have had MANY MANY conversations (both before she got the phone and after) about proper use. She does not use snapchat or kik or yikyak or any of those other apps. We've talked a lot about how people can use phones to do really bad things, and I feel like I've educated her enough that she knows when something is inappropriate and stays away from it.
My son just uses his phone for gaming and Instagram (on which he only posts pictures of Pokemon Go screenshots).
We also have an open electronics policy in our house - I'm allowed to confiscate and go through their electronics any time I want. Phones, tablets, laptops. I also have Norton Family installed on devices and get a weekly email about places they've been online. There are no secrets when it comes to my kids' device time - and they know it and keep that in mind.
My son is not on his phone nearly as much as my daughter. But my son also Skypes with his friends (who all go to a different school) while he's on the computer, so I'm not sure it's much different.
It's an issue of accessibility, I think, for my son. He can't pack his gaming system in his pocket and take it wherever he goes.
It is no different than any other decision we make for our kids. We evaluate the cost and the benefit. We decide what they need to know. Then we decide.
I don't know what the big deal is. We got our 10 year old a cheap smartphone ($49) and it costs us $20 bucks a month. Worth it not to have all of her friends blowing up my phone all the time now in addition to having a way of reaching me when she needs something. We monitor the phone and she is allowed no email or social media accounts.
A phone is a safety measure. It is an electronic leash. Isn't that an obvious need, and not a want?
I wouldn't let my kids go anywhere without their electronic leash. These days there are many low cost options that might make a smartphone as reasonably priced as a flip phone.
Why not get her what she wants? It is true that all the other kids have them and it is a social tool as well as an academic tool and it is a phone. Social tools are important to a teenager.
Before we had cellphones, the teenager was always on the phone. That was what teenage girls did. Times have changed and technology has changed but teenage girls haven't changed that much.
I don't see the point of depriving her of something that she needs and wants, for the sake of something cheaper that isn't much cheaper but is much less useful, and not cool. There is a kid culture and what is important to her generation, is important to her. She does need to 'fit in'.
Listen to her, when she tells you what is important to her. Don't dismiss her wants and needs as unimportant or not something you find value in. It is not 'spoiling' to do that, it is being reasonable.
We might not know what our kids really need. That is why we have to listen to what they have to say. Then you can work on finding a solution that everyone can live with.
If you just say 'no, in my day a payphone was good enough, If it was good enough for Superman, it's good enough for you"
that isn't being realistic because there are no payphones anymore.
I don't see the point of depriving her of something that she needs and wants, for the sake of something cheaper that isn't much cheaper but is much less useful, and not cool.
Because she said that for her it WAS cheaper and that she could not afford the more expensive. Not all of us actually want to tether our teenagers to ourselves.
Because she said that for her it WAS cheaper and that she could not afford the more expensive. Not all of us actually want to tether our teenagers to ourselves.
I don't know if you have a teenager yet or not, but when they start driving, a cell phone can bring great peace of mind. When my daughter first got her license I had her text me when she was starting out somewhere and when she got there. It's not a matter of control, but of knowing that they're safe. The same is true before they start driving as well. My daughter always knew that if she was out somewhere and was uncomfortable or wanted to come home, I was a text away.
And I know you can text without a smart phone, but it also brings me peace of mind when I know she can map her way to a place and not get lost in a strange area.
Last edited by Marlow; 12-21-2016 at 03:25 PM..
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