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My colleague approached me yesterday in tears and said she has been struggling with her 15 year old to get him to go to school. The boy is bigger than her and she cannot physically make him comply. No matter how she punishes, he just takes the punishment and will not go. Positive reinforcement hasn't helped either. She's been working with the school counselors and has him in professional counseling. She is a single mother, as the child's father passed away last year. But nothing is working.
Any advice I can pass on to her? His truency has caused such a disruption in the family, the other kids are suffering along with mom. And she's concerned the state is going to hold her accountable at some point soon. What can I suggest?
She needs to figure out why he doesn't want to go to school and take it from there. If he's otherwise a good, responsible kid but is having a problem with someone or something at school, there are homeschool co-ops in most communities and even decent online programs. But I wouldn't try to force him to go to school until I was clear on why he didn't want to go. He may have a very valid reason, or grief may be overwhelming him at this point.
Thanks, Marlow. She doesn't think it's just grief. She says he's an otherwise good kid. Does not think there are drug/alcohol issues going on. But she says he's incredibly bright and he says school bores him. He just wants to sleep all day.
First, she needs to see how and when she'll be made accountable for his truancy. THEN make a decision on how to proceed. In the meantime, find out what legal means she has to help him get to school, or at least keep her from being accountable for his laziness.
My colleague approached me yesterday in tears and said she has been struggling with her 15 year old to get him to go to school. The boy is bigger than her and she cannot physically make him comply. No matter how she punishes, he just takes the punishment and will not go.
Time to kick him out of the house, and see what it's like to live in the real world without education. I would call the cops and tell them I am having a problem with my child missing school. Then I would tell this kid that his laziness isn't going to cut it living under my roof. If you want to still have a roof over your head, you need to either get a job and help pay rent or go to school. If you decide to do neither then you have a week to get your things together and make plans to live somewhere else.
Time to kick him out of the house, and see what it's like to live in the real world without education. I would call the cops and tell them I am having a problem with my child missing school. Then I would tell this kid that his laziness isn't going to cut it living under my roof. If you want to still have a roof over your head, you need to either get a job and help pay rent or go to school. If you decide to do neither then you have a week to get your things together and make plans to live somewhere else.
You can't legally kick a minor out of the house, truancy or not.
Can laziness really drive a kid to self-destruct his life? He's clearly hearing the threats that his actions could land him in a boys home, an in-patient mental facility or jail, and yet he does not change his actions. His mother said when she took the mattress out of his room one morning, he slept on the box springs.
I think what she is looking for are a few things:
1. Protect herself, so that she does not end up in court defending her own actions
2. Protect her other children, who she struggles to pay attention to with the 15 year old eating up all her parenting time
3. Find out if there are resources, private or public, that can intervene on the boy's behalf
Warning flag for serious depression.
My daughter went through something similar after she went through a traumatic event. With documentation provided by her therapist the school let her spend a semester at home while she worked through her issues. A school representative came by once a week to deliver assignments, answer questions and administer tests. Perhaps your friend can talk to the school about doing something similar.
When my husband was that age and didn't want to go to school, the truant officer came for him. He had a probation offier he had to report to and they told him that he would end up in juvie if he didn't go.
At some point, this boy will have enough absences that he has to repeat the year. If his mom is covering for him and calling him in sick, she's enabling him. She needs to go in and talk to the school, tell them she can't make him go and he won't go, and let them send someone out to scare him into going.
Like someone suggested, there are online programs. But it takes time to supervise your child in the online program, to look over their work and mark their lessons complete, or to sit there and make them do the work if they're unmotivated. So if she's working, her evenings would probably be taken up by having to check over his online work.
I would wonder if he was depressed, if he wants to sleep all the time. If adults can become depressed when they suffer a loss, a teenager probably can too.
Thanks, Marlow. She doesn't think it's just grief. She says he's an otherwise good kid. Does not think there are drug/alcohol issues going on. But she says he's incredibly bright and he says school bores him. He just wants to sleep all day.
What size of a community do they live in? If he's bright and school bores him, there may be other schools or programs that would fit him better. Maybe something where he goes to school half a day and works half a day? Or a dual credit course load where he earns college hours? Or maybe she can entice him with the idea of graduating early? I'm still thinking that it has to do with losing his father and think she should keep working with the schools and his therapist. I don't know anything about truancy laws, but it sounds like the school understands that she's doing her best to get him there.
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