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A few weeks ago our son casually mentioned that he has been chatting with a 40 year old woman online. I tried not to overreact. I asked him what they chat about. He said they both play the same online video game and initially, they just talked about that. Then it veered off into music, movies and books. Then she told him that she is in the midst of a difficult divorce. Sshe lives about 400 miles away.
We were really happy that he volunteered this information, which indicated he wasn't being secretive about it. We decided the best course was to keep the lines of communication open and just make sure he keeps us informed. We had a long talk about internet safety, cat fishing, etc.
We make him turn in his cellphone before bed every night, so he isn't up all hours of the night. My husband noticed that he does delete his text conversations with this woman.
So, yesterday we looked at the landline phone bill.
He has been talking to her on the phone in the middle of the night. Once, on a Monday night, he had a FIVE HOUR conversation with her. Twice, he had two hour conversations after midnight. This is all in the past two weeks.
We sat him down and confronted him with this. I did a search on Facebook of her phone number. She does have the name and age that she told him, but she still identifies as "married" on her FB profile. We have a difficult time believing that this "relationship" has not veered off into inappropriate territory. He swears up and down they are just friends. We are also concerned her husband is going to look at THEIR phone bill and try to find the person his wife has been chatting with in the middle of the night. I told my son that he needs to think hard about ending this. My husband said, "No thinking is required - END IT". I didn't want to be harsh, because usually that just causes teens to sneak around and do stuff behind your back.
My husband wants to call her just in case she isn't aware that he is only sixteen. I'm worried about losing our son's trust, but I see his point. I'm really not sure where to go from here.
I'm a 40(ish) year old woman with a reasonable amount of good mental and emotional health and I do not see anything appropriate with this relationship.
I think it is easy for many people to view online friendships as more innocent and less risky. Because if this was a woman who lived down the street, would you had been so quick as to give the friendship the benefit of the doubt? Probably not.
I see this no different than I would a 16 year old girl chatting with a 40 year old man.
I 100% agree with your hubby that all contact must end and I would for sure be calling this woman. It's possible she doesn't know his true age so it's time to 1) enlighten her and 2) tell you you find it inappropriate.
The friendship may have started off casual enough but don't think for a second there aren't female predators out there. They know the art of grooming, too. Sometimes they are even better at it. The fact that your son found a roundabout (and sneaky) way of communicating with her and deletes text messages is a pretty good sign that there is something to hide.
You are good parents for giving him the benefit of the doubt and giving him some leeway. And he's 16 years old. He's still a kid with raging hormones. This woman should know better.
It's not okay for older women to prey on teen boys, any more than it's okay for older men to prey on teen girls. So this needs to stop. This woman should not be viewed as harmless.
i would get on my sons screename,,,and say you(as the parent) will call 20/20 to catch a predator......female series
if she doesnt stop all contact right now..
to the mother of this boy....tell the father to have a long talk with him after this subsides..and why its wrong..
this is best handled by a father......... dont mother or smother him
I would call the woman and have a frank talk with her. TODAY.
This.
Let her know that if contact continues or if she mentions you got involved all the information is going straight to the police and she can explain herself to them.
Send her my way, i'll take care of her needs, I am a good citizen like that.
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And he's 16 years old. He's still a kid with raging hormones. This woman should know better.
