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Because often daycare costs as much as what they would earn working full time, so it makes no sense for the mom (or sometimes, the dad) to work.
People who don't have children do not understand this. They never had to write a check for daycare. A half-way decent daycare in my area is $250 a week. You would need to earn considerably more than that, to justify working during the day.
We have childless friends who criticized me for being a SAHM and kept insisting that I was "lazy". We finally sat them down and showed them the mathematics on daycare costs and after-school care for school-aged children. I also showed them a list of the chores and tasks that I do all day long, everything from paying bills and managing investments to laundry and cleaning out the toaster. I don't think it was effective, though, because I think they're just stuck on the idea that I'm lazy and watch tv all day. (It's kind of ironic because I do part time, contract work for a television producer but have never had time to watch any of their tv shows, even though I would love to).
Financial risk is worse for people who don't have their finances in order. Sudden death of a spouse? That's what life insurance is for. I know a SAHM whose husband died of cancer in his 20s; they were smart enough to have a life insurance policy, and she's able to stay at home with her kids, even though her husband has passed away. She has enough money from the life insurance policy that she was able to invest in 529 college savings plans for her children, also. She is comfortable. She didn't have to go out and start working double shifts at McDonald's.
The cost of day care vs the income of the parent is, of course a factor. However, a couple should also factor in lost income potential of that parent. Yes, being at home with a young child is "priceless," but after staying home with my kids for a few years, I found that my prior work experience was basically negated by my time off. I went back to an entry level position and an entry level salary, and had to start saving for retirement all over again. I was too old when I went back, so I will never get 30 years in before I retire. I will maybe make 65% instead of the 80 or 100% I could have had if I'd worked the whole time. People should look at the big picture, not just the present.
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Originally Posted by AlaskaAma
Obviously, everyone has a slightly different situation and it is not my place to tell others how to live their lives. But I believe it is extremely important for children, especially up to 5 or so, to have Mom around pretty much all the time. Extenuating circumstances aside, it seems to me to be irresponsible to deliberately bring a child into the world without the intention of devoting your full attention to mothering that child.
My husband and I are expecting our first child. I would never haven chosen to make a baby with him if I did not trust that he would do the important work of providing for the family so that I can do the important work of mothering. That seems to me to be a basic prerequisite when choosing a partner. I cannot fathom *wanting* to leave my baby with someone else for 8+ hours a day. Again, I realize that sometimes things happen and you have to make do, but I find the idea of making that choice deliberately rather baffling and yes, somewhat selfish, because it does not take into account what is best for the child.
I will add that I am extremely grateful that my mother was able to stay home with her kids until my youngest brother was in school, and then she only worked during school hours. My dad didn't make a lot of money, and we went without a lot of material things. But now that I am old enough to appreciate it, I would never trade having my Mom around for newer clothes or fancier vacations.
Do you think it's ok for dad to stay home, or does it have to be mom?
Its too generic of a question to honestly answer. Some mom's need to work to maintain a decent standard of living for their children. Only an idiot would say that's selfish. Other moms though are married to high earners or are financially independent and yet still have a full time job because they prefer to work than spend time with babies. Some people call those selfish, but that's probably from jealousy. I know my wife would love to work instead of be a SAHM but her salary would just cover the childcare so there's no point.
I have a funny story about this. As a single mom back in the 70's I literally worked 2 jobs most of the time. My babysitter cleared more than I did. I made too much money for food stamps, and was too prideful to stay home on welfare and go to school.
I suffered the guilt that a lot of working Mom's go through, but I could not see any way around it. So, I kept plugging along.
I eventually remarried, and my husband and I decided that I would now stay home. So, I happily did, and was a scout leader, very active in church, bla, bla....Had three more sons over the next 5 years. And, when my youngest boys were little they would beg me to go to the babysitter down the street. They would literally say, Mom don't you have an appointment or something.
So, what you do as a young parent is you do whatever you have to make your life, and you family life better. No matter what you choose, the other side will at times look greener. And kids are resilient. Love them, feed them, teach them right from wrong....and Your golden.
Do not let other decide what is important to you, or about your family. And never judge another woman for her choices.
Life is just too short for all this angst. When you get old you'll look back and regret all the time you wasted over non-important things. Live your life now, however you choose to do so. And, thank the lord you are living where you can make those choices.
Its too generic of a question to honestly answer. Some mom's need to work to maintain a decent standard of living for their children. Only an idiot would say that's selfish. Other moms though are married to high earners or are financially independent and yet still have a full time job because they prefer to work than spend time with babies. Some people call those selfish, but that's probably from jealousy. I know my wife would love to work instead of be a SAHM but her salary would just cover the childcare so there's no point.
The way this is phrased tells me a lot about your thoughts on this matter.
Why can't Dad stay home instead of Mom? It's as much his kid as hers.
They sure can.
I echo the other poster that said it sounds like the op more like has trust issues.
You can buy insurance for death or disability.
Don't have kids with someone you don't trust. Don't marry them, pop out kids, and hedge your bets against your own marriage. It is good to have a marketable skill, but that's just true of anyone.
Here's a better idea: you could just stop caring if people call you selfish for being a working mother.
A lot of people get slapped with the selfish label, it usually springs from envy toward a person who is living their life the way they want to. It is so common now that it's become almost meaningless.
The cost of day care vs the income of the parent is, of course a factor. However, a couple should also factor in lost income potential of that parent. Yes, being at home with a young child is "priceless," but after staying home with my kids for a few years, I found that my prior work experience was basically negated by my time off. I went back to an entry level position and an entry level salary, and had to start saving for retirement all over again.
This has happened also to people who were laid off from their jobs and went through long term unemployment. They had to start all over again, and it was hard. I know a man who was previously a VP at his company earning over 200K a year. He was laid off, and couldn't find work for several years. He now works shifts at Home Depot for $10 an hour. So it can happen to anyone just as it can happen to SAHMs. The great recession of 2007-2014 changed many peoples' lives. Long term unemployment is a risk and there are few safe careers anymore.
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