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My son was born a few weeks ago and I was lucky to get a few weeks of paid paternity leave, but I'll be going back to work next week. my wife and I are trying to establish a nightly routine in which I feed about 4 oz of bottled breast milk at around 11 pm, 2 am, and 5 am. My wife usually pumps more around 2 or 5. 11 PM is usually bedtime for everyone.
Unfortunately, I usually have to get up for work around 5:15 and I need to leave the house by 6. My commute is about 2 hours each way so I normally don't get home until 7 on a good day!
Should my wife being taking over some of the feeds at night? I've only been getting about 4 hours of sleep max each night and right now it's not an issue because I can nap during the day, but it's unfeasible when I'm at work...
What did some of you do during the first few months?
I'm a stay at home mom, not a dad. I think it makes sense for your wife to take on the night duties since she has the option to nap during the day when the baby naps. You don't have that option so really do need to get in your sleep at night. You can help in other ways when you are home and maybe helping more at night on the weekends.
I assume that there are more feedings in the middle of the night that your wife is doing? If so, you could do the 11pm and the 5am feeding since those are bedtime and time to wake up for you and your wife could do everything in between including the 2am feeding.
One benefit for her is that she doesn't have to pump during the day just so you will have bottles at night.
Every SAHM that I knew who was breast feeding handled all of the night time feedings herself. In fact, all of the mothers, who had full time jobs after their maternity leave, that I knew who breast fed handled all of the night time feedings herself (including me).
Now, I should point out that I had our children 28 and 32 years ago. At that time, most babies who were breastfed, rarely had bottles of breast milk unless it was absolutely essential, such as during the day with a babysitter when the mother was at work. My friends who were SAHM often had babies who were six to nine months old before they ever, even one time, had a bottle. It was always fresh, warm milk straight from the breast. Times have changed and they now try to include the dad much more in breast feeding.
But, IMHO, with your long commute and your long day at work it would be a real problem for you to take over more than, perhaps the 11 PM and/or the 5 AM feeding to allow the new mom to get more sleep. Perhaps, you can hire a mother's helper to care for the baby, or someone to do the laundry or cook a meal, a few hours each day to allow Mom time to nap or she can nap when the baby naps.
I stayed home with my daughter for the first six months (Canada now has a full year leave, but back then it was 6 months). My husband worked full time, so I did all the night stuff and we arranged things to least disrupt his sleep - like I fed the baby in the living room or the nursery, not in our bed. Why not? I had the boobs ready for feeding, could nap during the day, and he couldn't. Only made sense. During waking hours he did lots of baby care, but he needed undisturbed sleep more than I did for those first months.
I had a male coworker with a newborn when I was pregnant, who got up every time at night with his wife to tend to his baby. He was always dragging, and complaining about being tired. I never understood that - she was on maternity leave, he was working full time still.
My wife is a stay at home mom, our deal was you take care of the kid, and I focus on work and help out in evening or on my days off, but I did not wake up at night for feedings, she did not really want me to, I just had to listen to her complain how hard it was, also my wife was so protective of baby she would not trust me to do it anyways, I do believe if the mom is a stay at home, she should be handling the night feedings, babies sleep a good part of day and the mom can sleep when baby sleeps.
Women get a little crazy during this time, lack of sleep, hormones, you just have to weather the storm, once the baby starts sleeping though the night you will be back to normal.
SAHM here. I did all of the nighttime (breast) feedings for my daughter. She was a terrible sleeper for the first year or so. I barely got any sleep. Bone tired. All of the time. It was misery.
Not everyone has the ability to nap when the baby sleeps. I never could. Also, my daughter only napped for maybe an hour a day. Not all babies sleep a lot.
Since your baby takes a bottle, I would recommend you tend to the baby at least one or two nights a week - the nights where you do not have to work the next day. Or maybe you could get up early and do the 5 am feeding so your wife can have an extended period of rest.
My wife is a stay at home mom, our deal was you take care of the kid, and I focus on work and help out in evening or on my days off, but I did not wake up at night for feedings, she did not really want me to, I just had to listen to her complain how hard it was, also my wife was so protective of baby she would not trust me to do it anyways, I do believe if the mom is a stay at home, she should be handling the night feedings, babies sleep a good part of day and the mom can sleep when baby sleeps.
Women get a little crazy during this time, lack of sleep, hormones, you just have to weather the storm, once the baby starts sleeping though the night you will be back to normal.
Some babies are hard. Really hard. Going without sleep is hard. Really hard. Taking care of a baby is not easy.
Why should your wife have to handle the feedings 7 days a week?
I had three babies, and my husband was never able to take off more than a few days. He left the house at 6:15am and got home around 6pm (still does). I did the night feedings. I had trouble breastfeeding, so I was pumping, feeding, and later having to warm bottles. I was exhausted, yes, BUT I did not have to get up and go to work. I could pretty much lie around the house all day if I wanted to. My husband needed that full night's sleep more than I did.
He did get up now and then to give me a break when the baby seemed inconsolable. Our kids were good sleepers, though. By about 10 weeks they were all sleeping more or less from 10pm to 6am, and everything got much better.
We had twins first. My husband got up with every single feeding and took No-Doz during the day for his 12-hour stretch at the office.
Luckily this phase doesn't last forever.
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