Just say NO to the Homecoming Proposal Production? (method, wife, daughter)
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I lied through my teeth to get out of going to my school formal (as we call them down here) and, like MU, I regret nothing. I can't dance, I look rubbish in a suit and worse in a tux and, if anything, I was even more contemptuous of dating then than I am today.
'If all your friends are going you can go too,' my mother said. Sometimes it was easier to tell the old girl what she needed to hear.
I didn't even have to "get out" of doing to the prom. My parents were totally neutral about it: they asked me once, and never mentioned it again. In fact, I think deep down inside, they were probably glad I didn't go; I'm sure they heard horror stories.
And given the stories I heard, I would have hated being under the watchful eye of bored off-duty cops, who view schoolkids as easy money from underage drinking tickets. And let's be honest: dancing in public while stone-cold sober is just ain't fun, especially when "everybody is watching you". Not saying you have to be sloshed into oblivion---far from it---but a little beer in your brain does help.
I have a feeling those lords and ladies who make a huge deal out of prom are the same ones 10 years later throwing extravagant $75,000 weddings.
My friend's son (still in elementary school) brought home seashells and a magnet for his "girlfriend" last summer. I thought it was super sweet and kind. I agree about the money aspect. We should appreciate people's presence for the value it brings to our lives. Not expect grandiose displays of ardor.
I'm a diehard romantic but these promposals just seem like a lot of pressure.
You are spot on!
I like getting dressed up. Formal events are fun. I do enjoy glamour -but it doesn't need to cost as much as two years at a private college, or a small house in eastern OH
I'm not sure if this was a generational thing, a regional thing or both. Homecoming was not big deal at my high school. It was just a day when there was a game and grads returned. Dressed casually. I was a cheerleader for two years. We had dinner at a restaurant and dressed ....like we were going to a restaurant.
I do not know of anyone who bought a special dress, wore a tux, had heir hair or nails done or rented a limo for homecoming. It was not prom practice.
I had never heard of all of this until leaving Long Island NY for PA (3 yrs.) and Ohio (5 yrs).
And no, my nieces and nephews did not go all out for homecoming. So, it is not "generational".
Weddings are out of control everywhere, it seems. Focus more on he MARRAIGE.
Homecoming is regional, for sure. Some places just go to the dance after the game, dressed in whatever they wore to the game. Other places are more like a prom. Where I grew up (CT) and here (FL) treat it more like a prom. I had a friend in Oklahoma who had no idea what I was talking about when I said I was taking my exchange student dress-shopping, because that's not what homecoming is about in that part of Oklahoma.
Homecoming is regional, for sure. Some places just go to the dance after the game, dressed in whatever they wore to the game. Other places are more like a prom. Where I grew up (CT) and here (FL) treat it more like a prom. I had a friend in Oklahoma who had no idea what I was talking about when I said I was taking my exchange student dress-shopping, because that's not what homecoming is about in that part of Oklahoma.
High school in my area (IL) treat it like a prom too, only without the limos. The football game vis-a-vis the dance are distinct and separate events. They're either held on different days, or the game takes places in the morning and the dance takes place in the evening. By the way, I do wonder: how do people dance with their partner after watching the game in the hot Oklahoma sun? Wouldn't they be all sweaty and smelly? (I did dance with women in a touristy bar during my cruise, after an all-day shore excursion in the hot sun; but were all wasted, so no one cared.)
At my high school, the homecoming dance was held in the gym, with a "black tie optional" dress code. Simple snacks (bite-size sandwiches and soda) were served. Older kids always drove there, while younger kids who didn't have cars usually didn't attend. I guess today, those kids would take Uber.
I honestly doubt the value of dance events for high-schoolers. At that age, people are too self-conscious to properly dance in public, taking lessons for guys is still looked down upon (unlike older ages, when it's a positive thing), it almost always degenerated into a popularity contest, and the intense supervision gives the whole thing a prison rec yard feel. And breaking into an impromptu Cupid shuffle, a staple of many dance environments? Fuggedaboutit! Kids are too worried about what their friends will think.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 09-25-2017 at 07:22 AM..
My son is in high school and this has made it very difficult for him. You can't ask a girl to homecoming or prom without a big production. If you do you are a loser, and it's almost a point of disrespect if the girl has nothing to post on Instagram. It's tough for guys who don't necessarily have a girlfriend but would like to attend their homecoming or prom.
This is kind of my point and probably why I'd never end up gong to any event if I were in high school today. The production thing is probably somewhat easy if you have a girlfriend...... but what if you don't? Or what if you aren't super outgoing and this kind of thing just made you feel awkward? Or what if so and so got a big production, and you didn't?
It seems like a happening for the cool kids and those with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but crap for everyone else.
This is kind of my point and probably why I'd never end up gong to any event if I were in high school today. The production thing is probably somewhat easy if you have a girlfriend...... but what if you don't? Or what if you aren't super outgoing and this kind of thing just made you feel awkward? Or what if so and so got a big production, and you didn't?
It seems like a happening for the cool kids and those with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but crap for everyone else.
Precisely! This is what I touched on in my earlier post. Dance events at high schools are popularity contests; fun becomes secondary. Thus, they encourage the middle-school mindset of having a romantic partner for the status, rather than feelings. Or worse, getting together with a new person, spending time with them and getting to know them, for the sole purpose of having a date for the dance, only to ghost them afterwards. I'm pretty sure those aren't the values the schools want to teach to impressionable young minds.
Most high schoolers are asking a date to a dance based on wanting a partner to dance with and hang out with, not because they're in love. These are 14-17 year old teenagers, give or take a year... homecoming is not about true love, LOL. It's just about having a fun night out with friends or a date. Despite the big proposals, plenty of kids just go as a group or with a friend. It's not like this is an epidemic. (Though that could be different in various regions... I'm speaking of where I live now.)
Precisely! This is what I touched on in my earlier post. Dance events at high schools are popularity contests; it is what it is. But therefore, they encourage the middle-school mindset of having a romantic partner for the status, rather than love. Or worse, getting together with a new person, spending time with them and getting to know them, for the sole purpose of having a date for the dance, only to ghost them afterwards. I'm pretty sure those aren't the actions schools want to teach to impressionable young minds.
Right- a lot of kids at this age are still bumbling and goofy and shy around the opposite sex....... and now you throw this into it? wonder if its happened yet where the production ended up in a rejection?
I would have been mortified if I had to do something like this.
My son asked a girl to prom via tennis balls. He put them in the holes on the fence at the HS courts to spell out "PROM?" and then asked her if she wanted to play tennis...when they got to the courts, she saw the message.
It was elaborate, but didn't cost anything. He enjoyed coming up with the idea, and I think she liked it too. I don't see the harm.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
I think it depends on the school/area. Around here the invitations are creative not expensive.
For me this falls into the 'Not my circus, not my monkeys" parenting category. My teens know I will support them in creative endeavors. Dropping loads of cash on prom or homecoming isn't happening, they wouldn't ask.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy
Most high schoolers are asking a date to a dance based on wanting a partner to dance with and hang out with, not because they're in love. These are 14-17 year old teenagers, give or take a year... homecoming is not about true love, LOL. It's just about having a fun night out with friends or a date. Despite the big proposals, plenty of kids just go as a group or with a friend. It's not like this is an epidemic. (Though that could be different in various regions... I'm speaking of where I live now.)
All of this.
In my experience (granted it's been a few years since mine were in HS) there were a couple of "over the top" productions but most weren't. I'd peg that as "there's always someone" moreso than "it's the norm ".
Most high schoolers are asking a date to a dance based on wanting a partner to dance with and hang out with, not because they're in love. These are 14-17 year old teenagers, give or take a year... homecoming is not about true love, LOL. It's just about having a fun night out with friends or a date. Despite the big proposals, plenty of kids just go as a group or with a friend. It's not like this is an epidemic. (Though that could be different in various regions... I'm speaking of where I live now.)
I never insinuated that it was about love. (I edited my post to say "feelings" instead.) Even so, respect and consideration toward your date is a must, even when it's a one-time thing, where you're simply filling in as each other's dance partner. But given the high-schoolers' age and emotional maturity to match, it... I don't know... encourages a utilitarian mindset. Namely, where the pressure to have a date is so strong, that people feel compelled to "use" someone as their date. And this doesn't even factor in this simple fact: when it comes to dates, guys want a "hot" girl and girls want a "popular" guy, leaving a quite small selection pool for each demographic.
An open, welcoming "everybody dances with everybody" environment, a norm at dance studios and some Latin dance clubs, is impossible to implement at a prom/homecoming. The attendees' emotional maturity is just not high enough to make it work.
I agree: high schools do vary. At mine, event organizers would say "you don't need a date; you can come with friends, or you can come alone" until they were blue in the face. But real life was a complete 180: students who didn't have a date DIDN'T DARE show their face at the dance.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 09-25-2017 at 07:59 AM..
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This is what I touched on in my earlier post. Dance events at high schools are popularity contests; fun becomes secondary. Thus, they encourage the middle-school mindset of having a romantic partner for the status, rather than feelings. Or worse, getting together with a new person, spending time with them and getting to know them, for the sole purpose of having a date for the dance, only to ghost them afterwards. I'm pretty sure those aren't the values the schools want to teach to impressionable young minds.
