Three Year Old Boy Locked Outside - Time Out (teaching, newborn, parents)
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The first time I heard our neighbor's three year old boy crying, it was in my house. I went out into the back yard hearing him crying for his mommy, sobbing his heart out. I thought he was hurt. They have a trampoline in their backyard as well as a swing tower combo.
No, he wasn't hurt. Since then I've heard him crying in the backyard numerous times, by himself, calling for his mommy and 'let me in.' This little boy has an older sister and three younger siblings. The twins are about 3 months old. I realize the mom has her hands full but this time out is almost a daily punishment.
Do I talk to the mom and raise my concerns? I'm at a loss.
How long is it happening every time? Can you see if there is a parent right on the other side of the door?
This is not at all a type of "punishment" I agree with or would ever do, buuuuuutttttttttt.....I also don't think it necessarily constitutes abuse, depending on a few factors. 1) how long is happens each time 2) where the parent is--can they still see the child or is the child out of sight of the parent and left alone outside? 3) the weather outside when this happens.
Your first step will be probably the hardest step: Not an anonymous call to CPS, but you putting on your adulting hat and going over and talking to the neighbor. I don't like face to face "confrontation" either, so this would freak me out and I would have to pre-plan the entire conversation, but you really owe it to the boy and the parents to do this step first.
Go over and say--I've heard "Jon" crying outside the door a few times, saying he can't get in the house. I'm concerned that you may not know that he's gotten outside and wanted to come check on you and him. Did you know Jon was outside? I could hear him crying from my house, and I would never forgive myself if I heard a child crying because no one knew they were locked out and I didn't investigate. Then, listen. Maybe the mom is very authoritarian and thinks she's teaching him a lesson, maybe she's abusive, or maybe she's just plain overwhelmed and back in a nursery getting babies to nap and can't hear him trying to get inside. It's hard to know unless you go over and find out--just angle it from a "concern" perspective.
Thanks for the tips. When a young child cries like that the first thing I think of is someone fell and was hurt.
The first two times it was in the 90's outside and high humidity. This is in the Houston area. He was outside on the back patio in the full sun, crying his heart out, probably out there for 5-10 minutes.
His crying one time woke me up from a sound sleep. Yeah, the master faces their backyard, we share a fence. I also noticed it's always the one child set out there, never a different one.
I would go over while the child is still locked out, and knock on the front door. Just voice the concern the child has been outside for a few mins trying to get in. Don't qualify with any preconceived notions of what you think is happening, and listen to see if she will explain herself.
I would go over while the child is still locked out, and knock on the front door. Just voice the concern the child has been outside for a few mins trying to get in. Don't qualify with any preconceived notions of what you think is happening, and listen to see if she will explain herself.
I think this is a good idea. Make it look innocent. If she can clearly see her child at all times maybe she has control of the situation.
Right now the 5 year old sister is in school. The neighbor's mom drops by often to help with her kids. She does have twin 'newborns' that are around 3 months now. The kids are 5 years old, the three year old, two year old, and twins. The mom doesn't work, she's at home. The main reason I think her time out is outside is so his crying doesn't wake up the babies.
Now I have sent my dog out in our backyard when I hear him crying. Our dog cries and barks with him.
What concerns me is this is repeated behavior. I'm a fan of time out. I've done it with my kids. But never outside. I'd worry about my kid feeling abandoned, forgotten. I wonder if he even wants to go out back and play anymore for fear of being locked out.
It seems harsh, but we have no idea why he gets put out there. Does he hit the two-year-old? Does he demand attention, when she's feeding the babies or readying them for sleep? Is he jealous of the attention the smaller ones get, so he starts acting out, and disrupting everyone? That wouldn't be solved by locking him out of the house, periodically, but it solves the immediate problem of getting some peace in the household, for a bit.
He doesn't sound like he's old enough to understand why he's being given a time out. From the repetitive nature of it, it seems like he's not learning anything from the experience. This doesn't seem to be achieving anything, but giving mom a break for a few minutes.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-11-2017 at 01:06 PM..
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