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Let me rephrase, they both adamantly oppose marriage and kids.
Things are different today than when many of us were younger. It used to be, we got out of HS and either married our HS sweetheart or we met someone and got married. If we were not married by 25, people started to wonder about us.
Today, more and more people are not so anxious to tie the knot. Both of my sons are in their mid 40's, and one has been married and now divorced. Both of them have had live in girlfriends, off and on, but now are pretty content being single. I pretty much understand, as I am also divorced and happy as a clam being single. No stress, no one to consider but me, and I can spend my money as I please.
I know a lot of parents want grand kids, but my two sons were and are my life, so I really don't need grand kids at this point to make me happy.
Oh, and lots of people have elderly parents in wheelchairs with cognitive decline. There's no guarantee you won't wind up in this situation, even if you choose not to have children.
That is expected and normal at that age. No parent is really prepared to be the lifelong caregiver of a formerly normal kid that suffers a traumatic accident and becomes an invalid.
Gotta say, I find this thread depressing. I never had or wanted kids and have no regrets that I didn’t have them. Now in my late 50s and 15 years into my third long term relationship ( we are married), I look back at who I was and who I chose to be with in younger days and realize that in my late 20s and again in my late thirties, I lacked the maturity to choose a life long partner. We all change with time, finding someone you WANT to spend a life time with is a huge challenge. But it saddens me to see so many folks choosing to live single lives because of concerns about money, personal freedom, or simply not wanting to be tied down. When I see young couples out and about with their kids, I can’t help but think, “what a great life”. We are not all meant to have children and I don’t think anyone should feel pressure to have them but, going through life without a spouse strikes me as sad. For me, life is about sharing your experiences with someone but, that’s just me.
They are in LTRs with like-minded bf/gf. My daughter got her tubes ties at 28. Son got a vasectomy at 30.
Sounds like they are both very sure they don't want any kids, which is their decision to make, only theirs. It also sounds like you may be one of those mothers who believes it is her right to have grandchildren. It's not.
Oh, and lots of people have elderly parents in wheelchairs with cognitive decline. There's no guarantee you won't wind up in this situation, even if you choose not to have children.
That's a bit harsh. I know if I made the choice to have a child but found out I was going to have a child with Down Syndrome, I'd have an abortion. Just because you don't think you can cope with a special needs child doesn't mean you'd be a bad parent if your children were born healthy and normal.
It's simply that life is hard enough - why add more difficulty to it if you don't have to?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nurider2002
Gotta say, I find this thread depressing. I never had or wanted kids and have no regrets that I didn’t have them. Now in my late 50s and 15 years into my third long term relationship ( we are married), I look back at who I was and who I chose to be with in younger days and realize that in my late 20s and again in my late thirties, I lacked the maturity to choose a life long partner. We all change with time, finding someone you WANT to spend a life time with is a huge challenge. But it saddens me to see so many folks choosing to live single lives because of concerns about money, personal freedom, or simply not wanting to be tied down. When I see young couples out and about with their kids, I can’t help but think, “what a great lifeâ€. We are not all meant to have children and I don’t think anyone should feel pressure to have them but, going through life without a spouse strikes me as sad. For me, life is about sharing your experiences with someone but, that’s just me.
But it's not depressing for those who have made their decision about not getting married or having children. I'm 60 and knew from my teens I never wanted kids. I had my tubes tied in my mid-twenties and I still don't regret it. If I met someone I thought I could live with the rest of my life, I might consider getting married, but he better not have any kids under the age of 18. Actually, I'd prefer he was an orphan with no kids and no relatives and no ex-wife.
That is expected and normal at that age. No parent is really prepared to be the lifelong caregiver of a formerly normal kid that suffers a traumatic accident and becomes an invalid.
So? A person's parent could also wind up in a car accident and need caregiving!
That's a bit harsh. I know if I made the choice to have a child but found out I was going to have a child with Down Syndrome, I'd have an abortion. Just because you don't think you can cope with a special needs child doesn't mean you'd be a bad parent if your children were born healthy and normal.
Your comments about special needs children are what is "a bit harsh". Not what I said. Also, you chose to come to a "Parenting" board...for what reason? You aren't a parent.
wow when did 30's become middle-age or is it and I am just in denial? the OP said his middle age kids and people are giving example of those in their 30's. As they say 30 is the new 20 when it comes to relationship and marriage. Its is perfectly normal in todays society for early 30's someone to be not settled down yet. But by 40s (which I consider is middle age) most people settle down one way or another
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