How much should kids be shielded in college?

[Lovehound]

Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy

I also moved out at 19 in 1997. Lived with my then-boyfriend (celebrating 20 years of marital bliss this fall). Our rent for a tiny 2-bedroom apartment in a nice residential area was $500 and that included utilities. We each made about $8/hour working full time (I was a dental assistant and he was an electrician’s apprentice), which was enough to pay our bills and for me to pay for school and textbooks at the local college (no loans). I believe I paid $70/credit hour, so $210 per class plus about $60 per book, iirc. We also saw every movie when it came out and ate at restaurants a few times per week.

Fast forward to 2018. In our city, a small one-bedroom apartment at the local complex is $1,200 and a two-bedroom is $1,400. That only includes water. A dental assistant here makes $12-13/hour. Not sure what an electrical apprentice makes, but I’m going to guess it’s under $15/hr. The local college estimates that a year of tuition and fees will cost $6,135. That doesn’t include books. Its much more difficult for today’s young adults to make it... and I’m not even basing this on crappy minimum wage jobs, which is what a large percentage of 20-year-olds taking college classes have.

I liked reading your post. Very happy you're celebrating your 20th!

When I went to college ('60s) tuition per semester was $50. The only recurring costs for my parents were textbooks (I sold my old books back for credit) and gas to get to commute to college. During the school year I was free to chase chicks and play pool in the evenings after I completed my studying. My parents didn't have to tell me to study first then play. I learned that lesson in jr. high school.

I worked each of my summers and enjoyed using my electronic skills to earn money. Again I worked in the days and was free to chase chicks, play pool, and okay maybe drink a lot of beer after work. (That's what guys do, chicks, pool and beer. And smoke, I was young and stupid then.) One summer I worked at Muntz first installing car stereos, then their repair guy quit and I begged for his job, the franchise owner said I could have two weeks to prove I could do the job. I was the repair guy for the rest of the summer! Another summer I worked for the phone company as a frame man in a central exchange, it was boring work running work so you people could have phones. These days that's all done by computer. My last job was as a 2-way radio technician, I had passed my FCC First Class Radiotelephone license which allowed me to sign off that radio equipment complied with FCC rules & regulations.

When I graduated my job as a degreed engineer at a defense company got me maybe $9,500/year. It was enough to have fun (yep, chasing chicks and playing pool) and save up $5,500 for a brand new Corvette T-top Stingray! I worked hard getting my degree, I was smart in saving my money, and I paid cash for my 'Vette! I sure loved that car too! I was very proud that while my parents influenced me to get a college education, it was my own hard work and good money management skills (that my parents taught me!) that got me a totally hot car at 23-24 years old.

The lessons my parents taught me and what I learned myself growing up is to work hard, work smart, and exercise good personal finance skills. I learned that if you want something bad enough don't expect somebody to give it to you. Get your butt out there and work for it and whatever you want you will get.

A decade later found me selling the Corvette, selling my Triumph bike, bought a Honda Civic and banked the cash. Saved a bit more until I had 20% down payment for my first house. As much as I loved the 'Vette I loved being a homeowner better. I sacrificed what I needed to in order to become a homeowner. My career continued to advance and I paid off my mortgage in about 18 years (paid extra in my mortgage payments whenever I had extra cash instead of fancy vacations and frequent new cars) and I lived there for 33 years, 15 years with no house payments, no rent. That just allowed me to save even more of my ever increasing salary, and that's why now in retirement I'm living in my dream home!

The lesson I'm trying to communicate is that if you want something bad enough, don't expect somebody to hand it to you. Get your butt in gear and go out and work for it. Work hard, work smart, manage your money, and you can make your dreams come true and also have the satisfaction of having done it yourself!

[Lovehound]

Originally Posted by Momma_bear

Parenting does not end at an arbitrary age. It changes with the age of your child. Our oldest is getting married. He seeks career advice from people he respects and that is us. He seeks advice from his parents on other topics where he is inexperienced (apartment leases, expensive purchases, wedding stuff, etc.). Although we are able to visit with him and enjoy him as an adult (have a drink, watch an R rated movies, include him in our basketball pool, etc.) we are still his parents, not his friends. We have a friendly relationship with him but we are not his friends.

My relationship changed when I moved out on my own. My parents were still my parents but they were my best friends too. I was free to get advice whenever I wanted, and got it. But it was clear from the day I moved out that I was my own person and my parents were very favorite relatives but I was the final word when it came to decisions in my life.

I had grown up, I was an adult. I was free to pursue my dreams, I had to pay for my mistakes and clean up my messes myself. My parents taught me responsibility. I took over when I moved out on my own. I got the rewards and pride when I succeeded, I took my licks when I failed.

But make no mistake, my parents were my best friends but they were parents in name only. All the decisions after I moved out were my own and my parents figured in only in an advisory role.

Anybody who needs mommy and daddy after they've moved out on their own is still a child.

[maciesmom]

Originally Posted by Lovehound

I liked reading your post. Very happy you're celebrating your 20th!

When I went to college ('60s) tuition per semester was $50. The only recurring costs for my parents were textbooks (I sold my old books back for credit) and gas to get to commute to college. During the school year I was free to chase chicks and play pool in the evenings after I completed my studying. My parents didn't have to tell me to study first then play. I learned that lesson in jr. high school.

I worked each of my summers and enjoyed using my electronic skills to earn money. Again I worked in the days and was free to chase chicks, play pool, and okay maybe drink a lot of beer after work. (That's what guys do, chicks, pool and beer. And smoke, I was young and stupid then.) One summer I worked at Muntz first installing car stereos, then their repair guy quit and I begged for his job, the franchise owner said I could have two weeks to prove I could do the job. I was the repair guy for the rest of the summer! Another summer I worked for the phone company as a frame man in a central exchange, it was boring work running work so you people could have phones. These days that's all done by computer. My last job was as a 2-way radio technician, I had passed my FCC First Class Radiotelephone license which allowed me to sign off that radio equipment complied with FCC rules & regulations.

When I graduated my job as a degreed engineer at a defense company got me maybe $9,500/year. It was enough to have fun (yep, chasing chicks and playing pool) and save up $5,500 for a brand new Corvette T-top Stingray! I worked hard getting my degree, I was smart in saving my money, and I paid cash for my 'Vette! I sure loved that car too! I was very proud that while my parents influenced me to get a college education, it was my own hard work and good money management skills (that my parents taught me!) that got me a totally hot car at 23-24 years old.

The lessons my parents taught me and what I learned myself growing up is to work hard, work smart, and exercise good personal finance skills. I learned that if you want something bad enough don't expect somebody to give it to you. Get your butt out there and work for it and whatever you want you will get.

A decade later found me selling the Corvette, selling my Triumph bike, bought a Honda Civic and banked the cash. Saved a bit more until I had 20% down payment for my first house. As much as I loved the 'Vette I loved being a homeowner better. I sacrificed what I needed to in order to become a homeowner. My career continued to advance and I paid off my mortgage in about 18 years (paid extra in my mortgage payments whenever I had extra cash instead of fancy vacations and frequent new cars) and I lived there for 33 years, 15 years with no house payments, no rent. That just allowed me to save even more of my ever increasing salary, and that's why now in retirement I'm living in my dream home!

The lesson I'm trying to communicate is that if you want something bad enough, don't expect somebody to hand it to you. Get your butt in gear and go out and work for it. Work hard, work smart, manage your money, and you can make your dreams come true and also have the satisfaction of having done it yourself!

Originally Posted by Lovehound

My relationship changed when I moved out on my own. My parents were still my parents but they were my best friends too. I was free to get advice whenever I wanted, and got it. But it was clear from the day I moved out that I was my own person and my parents were very favorite relatives but I was the final word when it came to decisions in my life.

I had grown up, I was an adult. I was free to pursue my dreams, I had to pay for my mistakes and clean up my messes myself. My parents taught me responsibility. I took over when I moved out on my own. I got the rewards and pride when I succeeded, I took my licks when I failed.

But make no mistake, my parents were my best friends but they were parents in name only. All the decisions after I moved out were my own and my parents figured in only in an advisory role.

Anybody who needs mommy and daddy after they've moved out on their own is still a child.

None of this precludes communication between parents and adult children or advice from parents to adult children or parents pondering how best to give advice to their adult children. Or parents worrying/wondering/sharing their concerns about their adult children with others. There's more to parenting than breastfeeding, potty training and daycare or playgroup questions.


Feel free to tell us about your own adult children and their transition into adulthood with little or no input or concern on your part; and how you as a parent always knew exactly how to respond.

I'll wait.