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I know this is common in families, but it's very hurtful to parents.
I don't know if there's anything parents can or should do to encourage their grown children to patch up differences.
I have a couple of grown kids who have very different beliefs about Covid - one is out and about and the other barely leaves the house. They have argued about this. One accusing the other of not following rules, etc.
They have had a good relationship over the years.
Their husbands have also evidently taken sides (don't know details).
I feel like I should mind my own business and just let nature take it's course - on the other hand, it's hurtful and I wonder if there's anything a mother can or should do. Anything that worked in your families?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34
But then... you have parents who purposely pit their children against one another.... Or find a way to avoid communication between the siblings so all the attention focuses on the parent. I grew up in that family. It's a lonely feeling. Even to this day, my 2 siblings and I don't communicate much. Actually, recently my brother invited me with his family on a camping trip. My mother acted really immature because she wasn't going bc of work which then she called in on purpose just to be upset all day. That was heard from my dad. Needless, to say, I won't be going on a camping trip again with my brother and his family.
As for the OP and others, I'd just stay out the siblings' business. No one likes a referee unless it's a sports game. And choosing sides only creates more drama
nobodysbusiness, re: the COVID issue, I guess there's nothing you can really do there w/ your kids. Just encourage the lackadaisical one to be careful & maybe you can try to convince them of the seriousness of it. If you raised your kids the same, you'd think they'd have the same mentality when it comes to a serious issue like COVID cautiousness (or the lack thereof in this case as well). But obviuosly, that's not always the case.
I also want to add that adult kids not speaking to each other is hurtful & bothers GOOD parents. However, like HappyFarm34 said, there are the other type of parents who actually enjoy & CAUSED the strife & hate between siblings. Narcs make horrendous, vicious, unspeakable parents.
Now I don't know if HappyFarm34's parents are narcs too, but my fiance's narcissistic parents are like this. That is one of a narcissist's common characteristics if anyone's done any research on the subject. His parents PLUS his other 3 siblings each don't give a flying fig how anyone else treats the other family members, just as long as they're treated well. Narcs love causing it purposefully so they themselves look like the, "shoulder to cry on", "the one everyone vents to", the "one who knows everyone's business to sort out things", or whatever, etc. They do it to feel relevant when technically they're miserable saps who've got nothing better to do. It's a way for them to have some kind of control in their loser lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
I don't get why the cliche' "family is everything" even exists, as it seems most families are horribly dysfunctional. Why don't people start saying "family sucks?" It seems to be more true.
The "family is everything" ideal is messing with my head, because I so want a close, happy, functional family - just like in some fairytale that I don't even remember.
My fiance' likes the term, "Family isn't always blood" much better.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 04-03-2021 at 03:07 PM..
If you raised your kids the same, you'd think they'd have the same mentality when it comes to a serious issue like COVID cautiousness (or the lack thereof in this case as well).
Well, I was going to add to that sentence, "...but obviously, that's not always the case", which I added above.
Not always, and not even usually. I have five living siblings. Four of the six of us were quite nonchalant about Covid and the other two were ultra cautious. It has nothing much to do with upbringing but a lot to do with personality. Some people are naturally conservative and others are naturally liberal, and with this particular issue, "liberal" people tend to be more careful and fearful.
Now, I did have two sisters who were on the outs for about ten years, and the one did have good reason to be angry with the other. It had nothing to do with our parents and they stayed out of it. I tried to stay out of it, but they both vented to me. But really, there was nothing anyone could do until the one who had caused the offense had a change of heart and apologized to the other. Fortunately, that did eventually happen. But it took a long time.
Not always, and not even usually. I have five living siblings. Four of the six of us were quite nonchalant about Covid and the other two were ultra cautious. It has nothing much to do with upbringing but a lot to do with personality. Some people are naturally conservative and others are naturally liberal, and with this particular issue, "liberal" people tend to be more careful and fearful.
Now, I did have two sisters who were on the outs for about ten years, and the one did have good reason to be angry with the other. It had nothing to do with our parents and they stayed out of it. I tried to stay out of it, but they both vented to me. But really, there was nothing anyone could do until the one who had caused the offense had a change of heart and apologized to the other. Fortunately, that did eventually happen. But it took a long time.
Funny, in my circle the conservative people are more careful and fearful. The liberals are not fearful and not careful. The more liberal people in my circle feel that they're healthy, so they're not worried about getting it.
Funny, in my circle the conservative people are more careful and fearful. The liberals are not fearful and not careful. The more liberal people in my circle feel that they're healthy, so they're not worried about getting it.
Interesting. Probably age has something to do with it, too.
There's some strife in my family over covid as well. Quite honestly, I don't know that I will ever be able to respect someone as I did before covid if they were out socializing through the pandemic. I absolutely will never trust them again. Unfortunately, my brother and SIL threw birthday parties for both of their children (aged 4 and 1) with photos of dozens of maskless people in the yard and house. While I'm not going to fight them on it, it has forever negatively impacted my perception of them.
He and I are currently working to move my grandmother, who is in steep decline, into assisted living. Part of the reason why I have been so isolated is because I have taken care of my grandmother for years. The only people I have seen in the past year are my boyfriend and my grandmother, and only my boyfriend without a mask. No restaurants, only going to the store right before close... I quarantined completely for at least 10 days + a test each time I saw my grandmother and wanted to make sure if she needed me for an emergency that I had as little exposure as possible if I didn't quarantine.
Meanwhile, my brother brought my niece and nephew and SIL to visit a few times in recent months. Peppered in between visits were photos on social media of the parties they were having, playdates, seeing different friends for dinner regularly, and big, maskless gatherings with her family who do not believe COVID to be serious. This meant to protect myself, a cancer survivor with lung damage, and also to protect my boyfriend's family, I had to limit my exposure to my grandmother. That's caused a lot of pain in the family, and I will really never truly forgive my brother for putting me in that position. My grandmother is now in congestive heart failure and I am angry that after years of driving 2 hours each way to care for her when my brother was nowhere to be found (living an hour and a half in the other direction) and maybe visiting once a year that his choice to be social limited my time sharing in some of what might be my grandmother's last days.
I don't blame the OP's child for having serious issues with their sibling.
Interesting. Probably age has something to do with it, too.
I'm a retiree and friends are also retired. That is the age group I am referring to. My retired conservative friends are careful, my retired liberal friends are not.
It's interesting that this doesn't agree with the many media postings about conservatives. Makes you wonder. Is the media picking and choosing what to post to make their point?
I'm a retiree and friends are also retired. That is the age group I am referring to. My retired conservative friends are careful, my retired liberal friends are not.
It's interesting that this doesn't agree with the many media postings about conservatives. Makes you wonder. Is the media picking and choosing what to post to make their point?
It seems to be just the opposite among younger cohorts, say 25-50.
I'm a retiree and friends are also retired. That is the age group I am referring to. My retired conservative friends are careful, my retired liberal friends are not.
It's interesting that this doesn't agree with the many media postings about conservatives. Makes you wonder. Is the media picking and choosing what to post to make their point?
I am liberal and so is my dh. We are in our 70s and weare carerful.
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