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My wife and I just had a baby! Yay us! She's a little over three weeks old and she's lovely.
Even though she's still an infant, my wife and I are already trying to understand the ways she tries to manipulate us. We're getting better at understanding her "I want food" cry from her "Just give me your attention" cry. I think.
But I imagine myself in a few years in the following scenario:
We're at the supermarket and "Little Dee" wants something. I say, "No." Next thing you know she throws a tantrum so wild you'd think I was cutting off one of her legs.
I'm certainly not going to be one of those fathers who says "Well, since you're making a scene, I'll just give you what you want." Not happening.
But I have read of two conflicting ways in which to deal with toddler tantrums.
1. Basically ignore it. Either walk away and let her run after me cuz she's scared to be alone OR just put her in the carriage and let her cry it out while mostly ignoring her.
2. Deal with the tantrum right there and tell her that this is unacceptable. If she continues, take her out of the supermarket and back home and she'll have to deal with punishment when she gets home. (I know for some of you the thought of leaving the supermarket and driving home would be quite challenging so it might not be an option cuz you still need your food, but I live in a condo that's located above a mall and supermarket, so I could leave, give her to my wife and be back shopping in ten minutes.)
Which have you tried? Do you have any other techniques that ensure she gets the message that this sort of behavior is not acceptable?
I'm with option 2, but would recommend--if shopping with your wife--simply going outside to the car to wait for your wife to finish shopping if possible. That way, your daughter knows that all she did was be forced to wait in a "boring" place and that her antics did not stop the ultimate purpose of the trip, which could have been the point for a particularly manipulative child.
Then there's the point of a child perhaps wanting to be at home, which is another reason why I'm opposed to "forcing" any such antics to lead you to go home (notwithstanding the point that you live close to the supermarket).
You are misreading your child. She is trying to communicate with you, and she is completely helpless and completely dependent on you.
She is not trying to manipulate you. Please stop thinking that way.
^^^^ This is the more accurate summation^^.
Thank you.
Less then two years on this earth, half of that unable to verbally express themselves with words. Then suddenly by 2 or 3 they are to be fully rational, cognizant, and submissive to directives. Completely unrealistic .
My wife and I just had a baby! Yay us! She's a little over three weeks old and she's lovely.
Even though she's still an infant, my wife and I are already trying to understand the ways she tries to manipulate us. We're getting better at understanding her "I want food" cry from her "Just give me your attention" cry. I think.
But I imagine myself in a few years in the following scenario:
We're at the supermarket and "Little Dee" wants something. I say, "No." Next thing you know she throws a tantrum so wild you'd think I was cutting off one of her legs.
I'm certainly not going to be one of those fathers who says "Well, since you're making a scene, I'll just give you what you want." Not happening.
But I have read of two conflicting ways in which to deal with toddler tantrums.
1. Basically ignore it. Either walk away and let her run after me cuz she's scared to be alone OR just put her in the carriage and let her cry it out while mostly ignoring her.
2. Deal with the tantrum right there and tell her that this is unacceptable. If she continues, take her out of the supermarket and back home and she'll have to deal with punishment when she gets home. (I know for some of you the thought of leaving the supermarket and driving home would be quite challenging so it might not be an option cuz you still need your food, but I live in a condo that's located above a mall and supermarket, so I could leave, give her to my wife and be back shopping in ten minutes.)
Which have you tried? Do you have any other techniques that ensure she gets the message that this sort of behavior is not acceptable?
Don't torture yourselves now....Enjoy your baby....Do the best that you can to meet her needs.
You will develop a sense of what's too much spoiling and make a balance. Its all part of learning to parent.
Its good to think about the future, just don't panic and worry. By the time the possible scenario would happen you'd have a few years under your belt of parenting, and teaching your child what you expect in behavior from them.
I do have a funny story when my 3rd son was just over two...I was still nursing him...and in the middle of Mass he yelled, "I want to Nurse". I left the main church....and he didn't stop in the nursery.
So I started to walk home, living only half a block away. He yelled and threw his feet around while I carried him the whole way home.
Its moments like this that test you. It was quite embarrassingI imagined ppl thought what must she be doing to this poor child.
You'll get thru it too, it will become a war story that you'll share someday to a new parent.
Best advise, take every day with your child and enjoy it to the fullest. You truly will miss all the chaos and hub bub when they are grown. Most of parenting is instinct. As long as you always have your child's best interest at heart, you'll make the right choice. Let love guide you always.
My 5 are all adults ranging from 34-51 yrs....I would give anything to be back taking a nap with my freshly bathed baby boys after lunch.
Relish every moment and every transition, and age related development...It is what you will cherish when you are old like me.
Congrats on your precious baby!! And there is no such thing as too much love!
Last edited by JanND; 12-31-2021 at 06:51 AM..
Reason: spacing
Firstly, you’re letting your imagination run away with you. It’s scary being a first time parent.
An infant needs to know her needs will be met immediately and unconditionally. This is how easy going, trusting children are made.
We walked the floor, day after day, when one of our babies had colic, and the doctor said that the baby was testing us to see if we really loved him. This has stuck with me. Parents need to keep a sense of humor, and soldier through. Babies grow up in the blink of an eye.
As far as your temper tantrum scenario....we’ve all heard the shrieking children in the grocery store. Parents are usually to blame. If you take a hungry or tired child to the store, you’ll get what you deserve. If you buckle under to whining, just once, you are doomed to repeat.
All this being said, once in awhile a challenging kid comes along. My oldest grandson was like this. He was a biter, and a tantrum thrower. He got carried out of more restaurants that you could count. He outgrew it, and turned out to be super smart and is now a chemical engineer. Out of my 4 children, and 7 grandchildren, he was the only one like this, so OP should quit worrying about it.
My wife and I just had a baby! Yay us! She's a little over three weeks old and she's lovely.
Even though she's still an infant, my wife and I are already trying to understand the ways she tries to manipulate us. We're getting better at understanding her "I want food" cry from her "Just give me your attention" cry. I think.
But I imagine myself in a few years in the following scenario:
We're at the supermarket and "Little Dee" wants something. I say, "No." Next thing you know she throws a tantrum so wild you'd think I was cutting off one of her legs.
I'm certainly not going to be one of those fathers who says "Well, since you're making a scene, I'll just give you what you want." Not happening.
But I have read of two conflicting ways in which to deal with toddler tantrums.
1. Basically ignore it. Either walk away and let her run after me cuz she's scared to be alone OR just put her in the carriage and let her cry it out while mostly ignoring her.
2. Deal with the tantrum right there and tell her that this is unacceptable. If she continues, take her out of the supermarket and back home and she'll have to deal with punishment when she gets home. (I know for some of you the thought of leaving the supermarket and driving home would be quite challenging so it might not be an option cuz you still need your food, but I live in a condo that's located above a mall and supermarket, so I could leave, give her to my wife and be back shopping in ten minutes.)
Which have you tried? Do you have any other techniques that ensure she gets the message that this sort of behavior is not acceptable?
First, it's not that your baby is manipulating you into "just" giving her your attention -- she NEEDS your attention just as much as she needs food in order to be able to thrive and grow.
Second, if you can avoid it, don't take a two-year-old to the supermarket. Period. That's just setting her up for a tantrum experience, for which you'll then feel you need to punish her. After a couple of tantrums in supermarkets when my kids were small, I simply stopped taking them until they were old enough to be able to handle the overstimulation that a busy grocery store creates.
The situation you describe with the supermarket is completely different from the situations you will face in the coming weeks. Right now you need to tend unconditionally to her needs, which she is conveying in the only way she knows how - crying. You have to figure out what is wrong and address it.
The supermarket situation - specifically - a toddler needs to understand that you are not going to the shop for her; you are going to replenish needs for the family. Don't ever let her start picking out what she wants from the supermarket; this just leads to disaster when you don't give her everything she wants. If she never is aware that wanting something or grabbing something from her position in the cart is possible, then the problem will never arise. She is just along for the ride, not to help you choose what gets bought.
I suggest that when your infant cries for your attention that you give it to her.
For tantrums in stores, just take the child quietly out to the car and wait it out. When they stop, you can go back in and finish your shopping.
I never got any tantrums in stores because my attention was focused on my child. I had a shopping list and as we went around the store, I discussed the list with him. I asked him questions. I discussed what I was going to make with the item. I let him make a few simple choices. I used the opportunity to teach reading and simple math and budgeting. When he was really little, I taught the names of things and colors.
Every time I see a child having a melt-down in a store, the parent has been ignoring the child before the tantrum started. Don't stop parenting just because you are out in public.
Adding this: it makes a huge difference in stores and restaurants if, before you go in, you discuss with the child what is expected for manners.
Really young children are sponges for learning, so when you are with the child, teach. If you think a store or restaurant is your chance to take a break from training your child, leave the child at home with a babysitter and take your break. If the child is with you, be actively parenting. Especially when the child is young and eager to learn, take advantage of that.
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