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i don’t even want to go in her (13f) room anymore, it’s like a biohazard container. i now put her in charge of her own laundry and sheets. she has her own bathroom which she is responsible for taking out the trash but it’s still pretty skeevy. yesterday i happened to see her toothbrush and it was caked with old toothpaste. ewwww. she has showed me pictures of her friends rooms which are equally disastrous, probably worse. is this common? i keep my house extremely clean but it always turns to an argument about cleaning up after herself. i don’t remember my room at that age, but i think my friends rooms were messy back then too.
There is a difference between disorderly and a health hazard.
Disorderly means clothes strewn around the bed, floor, and chairs. Trash can, if used, is overflowing. Otherwise, trash also strewn around the room.
Health Hazard means old moldy food left on floor. Partially eaten bags of chips left open on desk. Soft drink cans opened and left unfinished.
Ignore the Disorderly. Keep door to daughter's room closed so you don't have to see it.
Health Hazard needs rules. You have the right to insist that food and assorted health hazards be cleaned up and not allowed to fester. Otherwise, no food or beverages will be allowed in bedroom.
You also have the right to confine Disorderly to her room; you do not have to live with disorderly in the common family areas.
A family contract can spell out what is and what isn't allowed in different areas of the house. She is old enough to understand responsibilities that family members have toward each other. You share space. You also have to share responsibilities to each other and respect each other.
It's normal; I think most of us were slobs at 13 and some of us grew out of it.
My 22-year-old daughter, an engineering student, still leaves her clothes all over the floor and her wastebasket is often overflowing, but she periodically goes on a cleaning spree and gets everything spotless. As smart as she is, I don't know why she hasn't figured out that it's more efficient to put clothes in the closet or hamper as soon as you take them off, but at least she cleans thoroughly sometimes.
My 19-year-old daughter is a neatnik. Everything in her room is in its place. She is also super-scheduled with her time, a hard worker, and very efficient. But she was the most careless, happy-go-lucky kid ever and it's actually astonishing how she has turned out.
My 17-year-old son...let's just say I am still nagging him and am wondering if he will ever change.
i don’t even want to go in her (13f) room anymore, it’s like a biohazard container. i now put her in charge of her own laundry and sheets. she has her own bathroom which she is responsible for taking out the trash but it’s still pretty skeevy. yesterday i happened to see her toothbrush and it was caked with old toothpaste. ewwww. she has showed me pictures of her friends rooms which are equally disastrous, probably worse. is this common? i keep my house extremely clean but it always turns to an argument about cleaning up after herself. i don’t remember my room at that age, but i think my friends rooms were messy back then too.
Two teens, two different answers. One was very sloppy, clothes piled, only picked up when compelled to do so. The other, impeccably clean, did own laundry done twice a week, immediate folded and put away, vacuums room on own. We are all different. If a kid smells or has food/odor issues in the room, obviously its an issue. But otherwise, let em live.
Yes, it is. The brain of a 13 year-old is not that far removed from the brain of a 9 or 10 year old. Regardless that their body seems (to you) an almost adult body.
Don't forget that the maturation is a slow evolution, for at least 18 years (there is a talk that for 25 years). At 13, the child is still half-way there. You cannot demand adult functioning from a half-baked brain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristinas_Cap
i don’t remember my room at that age, but i think my friends rooms were messy back then too.
You give the answer to your own question. "You don't remember". It was not important to you, then. What was important, was: the world wonders, the skies, the stars, the dreams, the big ideas that you've heard, the friendships, common secrets, trips, toys, etc etc.... Apply the same to your own daughter. The state of her room is not important to her: there is the whole world to deal with.
For the perspective: it will slowly start getting better after she is 15 yo, and will approach to some adult level at 18yo (in 5 years!). It will never be perfect, though, if she still keeps living with her parents and subconsciously relies on someone else cleaning/doing laundry.
It's normal; I think most of us were slobs at 13 and some of us grew out of it.
My 22-year-old daughter, an engineering student, still leaves her clothes all over the floor and her wastebasket is often overflowing, but she periodically goes on a cleaning spree and gets everything spotless. As smart as she is, I don't know why she hasn't figured out that it's more efficient to put clothes in the closet or hamper as soon as you take them off, but at least she cleans thoroughly sometimes.
My 19-year-old daughter is a neatnik. Everything in her room is in its place. She is also super-scheduled with her time, a hard worker, and very efficient. But she was the most careless, happy-go-lucky kid ever and it's actually astonishing how she has turned out.
My 17-year-old son...let's just say I am still nagging him and am wondering if he will ever change.
This. Oldest DD was the consummate slob in her teens. She left so many piles of clothes on her bedroom floor you couldn't tell if they were dirty or clean. Our cat had a habit of taking her "presents" (dead mice) and leaving them in her room. DD didn't like Bertha, so the cat was trying to "make friends". The mice would get buried under the clothes until the smell alerted DD.
Now that she is married, a mom, and has a home of her own, she is the biggest fuss pot about cleanliness.
She's got a very large house, and this is time consuming. But the house is hers, so she's proud of it and fastidious about it being spotless and in order (very hard with two kids). She installed shelves and organization bins in my grandsons' playroom for all their toys. I babysit them during the week over the summer, and EVERYTHING must be picked up and put away in the proper spot before supper. She likes them to take out only one toy or game at a time to play with (but I'm pretty lax about that). Grandsons have to tidy their rooms and make their beds every morning. Sheets are stripped and changed every Friday. She has TWO robot floor cleaners, does laundry every day, and her sink is always empty and dirty dishes loaded in the dishwasher before she leaves in the morning. When I cook at her house, I have to clean up as I go, not when I'm finished as I normally do. She freaks out if she finds crumbs I miss on the kitchen floor. Most Sundays are spent dusting, steam mopping, and vacuuming, upstairs and downstairs, and her DH cleans all the bathrooms.
Youngest DD is a slob, but not an unsanitary slob. She's an artist and has jars of opened and unopened paint, brushes, globs of clay, etc. everywhere, even her bathroom.
My teen was never a slob and I was never a slob. So it varies by teenager.
It also varies a lot by the parent and what the parent will allow. My first husband grew up with servants to pick up after him and he never learned to pick up after himself and refused to pick up after himself until the day he died. He was never made to pick up after himself and he didn't.
I wonder if in teens it is affected by depression, which is apparently fairly common in teens. Although, my sister was a real pig, dropping whatever was in her hand onto the ground wherever she happened to be at the time and my mother never corrected her, but followed after her picking up and laundering her clothing that was thrown on the ground. My sister never had any depression, she was just really self centered and was allowed to expect other people to wait on her. So that goes right back to whatever the parent will allow.
Most teens go through at least a short period of "slobbiness". I certainly did, but wasn't allowed to eat in my room so it never got nasty messy. Have hope - I eventually "matured" enough to take care of myself and someone else's slobbiness. How come so many [not all]) guys don't ever outgrow it?
BTW, no correlation with not doing laundry as a teen - I had to do the FAMILY laundry starting at 13...I didn't get out of that just because my room was allowed to be messy.
Curious to know if the reaction to slobby "teens" is as great for boys as it is for girls?
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