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I have a neighborhood kid issue and I wanted some objective assessment of what is going on. Please bear with me as I set up the history and the issues.
Family A - Kid A, Parent A:
3 kid family, Kid A is the youngest daughter - 5th grader
Family B - Kid B, Parent B:
3 kid family, just had a baby, Kid B is a middle son and a 3rd grader
Family C - Kid C, Parent C
2 kid family, Kid B is the youngest son and a 3rds grader
Background: Family A and B live adjacent to each other. Family C lives a block away, but they are all neighbors. They all have historically gotten along well with each other.
Personalities:
Kid A is not very social, as of now does not have any peer friends. Family A attributes this too much "drama" in 5th grade, and therefore justify avoiding all peers as a way to stay away from drama. Not much known besides this rationale. Very volatile personality, has meltdowns on being critiqued. Does not like peers coming over to her house, although Family A is very social.
Kid B: Mischievous and outgoing, prone to use of bad language (god bless TikTock), not much filter, a class clown, loves trash talk. Has history of getting in trouble. Generally a ring leader amongst his peers. However, follows everything Kid A says and does after school.
Kid C: Quieter but social, impressionable and follows Kid B without any issues at school and also in the neighborhood. On IEP, little speech delay.
History:
1) Starting a year ago, Kid A (5th grade) and Kid B (3rd grade) develop a strong bond. Families A and B think of them as siblings. Kid B and Kid C are classmates, and starting a year ago started getting along and hanging out with each other a lot. Kid A does not approve of B-C nexus. Makes her displeasure known, is visibly disappointed/annoyed/angry when Kid C shows up, even when Kid B invites Kid C to come over.
2) Kid B's older sibling has called Kid C autistic in an angry derogatory manner. Family B witnessed it, but never did anything or said anything to Family C. Family C gets to know about this ironically from Family A, whose older siblings witnessed this.
Incidents:
1) Family C encounters situations where Kid A manipulates Kid B to avoid Kid C. Kid A and B device a series of pranks where Kids A and B tell Kid C to meet them somewhere, and they run away and hide from Kid C. In once instance, Kid C is forced to walk alone back from a park because "they ditched me again".
Happens 4 times. Last instance, Family C takes the car to find Kids A and B who have sent Kid C on a wild goose chase again. Kids A and B are discovered trying to hide. Family C honks twice in the car, and tells Kid B - "why would you do this to your friend?". Family C's tone is annoyed. Kid A stands frozen, avoiding the conversation completely.
Family A texts Family C: "It was a misunderstanding, my daughter did not tell your kid to show up to the store or anywhere".
"My daughter is hysterical, you cannot talk to my daughter that way. Its best your kid (Kid C) not hang out with Kid A or B because my daughter is worried she might do something to your kid".
Clarification: Family C did not have a conversation with Kid A as they know Kid A may not take the critique well. Family C asks Family B if Kid B was hysterical, and that did not happen. It appears that Kid A has overdramatized the incident on being caught with orchestrating a malicious prank.
2) Kid C internalizes being ostracized but still reaches out to Kid B with mixed results. He sends one text to Kid B "You are my friend", and it's received well by Kid B. A little bit later, Kid B and C have an extremely short-lived TikTock back and forth. They end up being banned for saying stuff like "you are dumb". Both are equally at fault for provoking each other.
3) At school, Kid B and C have a small back and forth where Kid C says "you will never be famous". Kid B responds by saying "you are autistic" and some other things that are borderline abusive. Kid C shuts down and is quiet at recess and opens up to his family at home after some prodding.
Family C reaches out to Family B. The conversation is firm with a desire to find out both sides of the story, and to keep Kids B and C separated. Family C does not hear another back from Family B. The incident is reported by Family C at school and now there is an ongoing investigation for potential bullying.
Thoughts?
Last edited by mupmanyu; 04-28-2022 at 12:45 PM..
Reason: Typos
Ugh, I can't believe I read it all. Well, now I'm going to reply too.
Thoughts:
Sounds like a bunch of stupid BS.
Kids should stay off that Chinese spyware app.
Family A and C sound like helicopter parents.
Kid B sounds like a flunky of A.
Seems like all would be resolved by kid C finding a new friend or peer group, but none of this rises to the level of parent or school intervention. They should work it out on their own.
All families were hoping this would get resolved, but it just keeps on escalating.
Schools tend to get involved if one kid starts calling another "you are autistic" in a derogatory manner.
Is child C autistic? Has he been tested? Receiving therapy?
I don't know, I think I'd talk to child C and suggest he avoid both of the other children. Get some of his mojo back by not responding to anything to do with A and B.
Ugh, I can't believe I read it all. Well, now I'm going to reply too.
Thoughts:
Sounds like a bunch of stupid BS.
Kids should stay off that Chinese spyware app.
Family A and C sound like helicopter parents.
Kid B sounds like a flunky of A.
Seems like all would be resolved by kid C finding a new friend or peer group, but none of this rises to the level of parent or school intervention. They should work it out on their own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
Is child C autistic? Has he been tested? Receiving therapy?
I don't know, I think I'd talk to child C and suggest he avoid both of the other children. Get some of his mojo back by not responding to anything to do with A and B.
Yes, to these two posts. Child C should not hang out with those other two. Maybe I wrap my daughter in a bubble but the general rule in my house is to avoid people who you have bad experiences with; don't build any history together.
Kid C: diagnosed with autism at 18 months and got services, and now on low on spectrum, if at all. Gets IEP for speech delay at school.
Does HE understand he has autism?
My son was diagnosed at the age of 15, although we knew SOMETHING was up, much much earlier. Once he was finally diagnosed, a lot of things got better, because we understood WHY he did things that he did, and he understood that everyone has SOMETHING...and this was his something.
I would explain to child C that everyone is allowed to have some boundaries, and he doesn't have to put up with the other 2 children being mean to him. He doesn't have to text, tik tok, call or play with either of them.
And then I would see if there's an activity he'd be interested in, where he can make new friends. And if his new friends are a year or two younger, that's OK. A younger friend will look up to him.
Ugh, I can't believe I read it all. Well, now I'm going to reply too.
Thoughts:
Sounds like a bunch of stupid BS.
Kids should stay off that Chinese spyware app.
Family A and C sound like helicopter parents.
Kid B sounds like a flunky of A.
Seems like all would be resolved by kid C finding a new friend or peer group, but none of this rises to the level of parent or school intervention. They should work it out on their own.
Well, that sums it up pretty nicely.
OP, whatever happened to the old "it takes one to know one" retort?
Seriously...I read it all, too, so I'll chime in. LOL.
A 5th grade female with two 3rd grade males and the 5th grader is already a little troublemaker. Not good. Her parents need to take some corrective action (not call the other parent(s) with the claim that she didn't do something). good grief. She is being mean to a smaller kid who is at a disadvantage and being a negative influence on Kid B.
Save the poor autistic 3rd grader. I would keep him away from the other two and help him establish new relationships with friendlier and more well-behaved kids.
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Thanks for reading it all :)
