Parents who don't buy their kids an iPhone (orphaned, party, clever)
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So I'm long friends with this woman, a single mother of twin 11yo girls. Girls are very polite, well behaved, do well in school, etc. I've always been like an uncle to the girls and I've always made sure they had a nice Christmas because money is tight for them.
The usual protocol was I would talk to the girls leading up to Christmas about what they want and they're always very humble in their selections. Nothing really expensive. I'd say well you know it's Christmas and mention some expensive things they might like and they'd weigh in. I'd buy the items, give them to mom and say it's either from you or Santa.
By now the girls know it's from me. They're older and caught on, they know.
Well...now...I guess 11, 12, 13 is when everyone at school is getting their first phone. Mom thinks 12 is a good age. I was thinking more 13-14 but whatever. Next year is going to be "the year", probably.
So the kids at school are starting to get phones and the girls are talking phones, iPhones. I said I thought 13 was a good age for that. They didn't pout or anything just *sighed* and said ok, and that was that. Kind of made me realize just how grownup they seemed in that moment. That and I didn't want to say 12, have them look forward to it all year and it not happen.
The problem, mom and their entire extended family are Samsung users. I don't mean just users, like it's their brand. It's a large family all living close by.
Now mom knows I'm good for the phones, I've told her that. The cost to me is really nothing. I want the girls to have nice things. So I ease into the conversation, "You know your girls are going to want iPhones?" She's like, "No, please don't, you know we are a Samsung family."
Oh boy...
To me that would be a horrible horrible colossally horrible decision.
Now I don't know much about the tween/teen scene, in fact I know nothing, but what I do know is it's iPhone or nothing. Somehow you have to have an iPhone to connect to everyone else and if you don't, you can't. That and all the kids have iPhone...and believe me I'm repeatedly told.
Now my man-mind tells me this is not a hill to die on, especially with teen girls. Just get the stupid iPhones. Am I right?
From what I have read on the internet (I know the internet) phone bullying is real. I think boys can stand their own but girls can be like pirañas to each other. Well...I just think the girls should focus on their studies instead of worrying about the make of their phone and all the social BS fallout.
So mom is the parent and she says Samsung.
But I'm paying for it and I say iPhone. The girls are going to know the phones are coming from me, why would I get them something they don't want??? I feel mom is putting me in a position I don't want to be in. Her girls are getting free phones, how much is it mom's or girls' say? I know I don't have much of a say but I'm really supporting the girls here. What I should have said was I would get them free iPhones, take or leave it.
Just suppose I do buy the Samsung phones, the girls will very well know it was their mother's deciding decision because we've already talked iPhones, or at least they have. I think any crap they take at school will be directed at her. Is mom just not thinking this through?
Ha...and what should I say if the girls press me??? "Oh well your mom made me exchange your iPhones for Samsungs???" LOL...No, I wouldn't say that
Parents, what do you think? How bad was the iPhone issue with your kids?
I waited until my daughter was 15, then bought her an Android. She doesn't ever use it. I literally have to get on her case to keep in charged, take it with her when she goes out, take a freaking look at it every 48 hours and respond to texts and calls.
So.........either she is so embarrassed it is an Android, and won't be caught dead with it, or, I successfully waited out the "I want a cell phone" phase entirely, and now that Daddy insists she use it and try to mention how convenient texting is, she refuses.
I waited until my daughter was 15, then bought her an Android. She doesn't ever use it. I literally have to get on her case to keep in charged, take it with her when she goes out, take a freaking look at it every 48 hours and respond to texts and calls.
So.........either she is so embarrassed it is an Android, and won't be caught dead with it, or, I successfully waited out the "I want a cell phone" phase entirely, and now that Daddy insists she use it and try to mention how convenient texting is, she refuses.
It's rare, but I've seen some "young" folks who aren't attached to the hip with their devices.
Most are addicted to them though. During my get togethers with friends, most of their kids are constantly on their phones. What impressed me was one or two who leave their phones in their jacket pockets and talk with the people there.
TBF the kids pretty much mirrored what their parents do. The most addicted kids belonged to the friends who were always on their devices.
My 15 year old granddaughter got her first iPhone about 2 years ago. (We're an iPhone family). These days it's impossible to get her away from her phone. I hate it. Social media is the worst thing for teenagers. It can make them depressed and feel bad about themselves.
My 15 year old granddaughter got her first iPhone about 2 years ago. (We're an iPhone family). These days it's impossible to get her away from her phone. I hate it. Social media is the worst thing for teenagers. It can make them depressed and feel bad about themselves.
There is a major epidemic with mental issues with young people nowadays. High anxiety, stress and general unhappiness.
A lot of it has to do with the artificial way that they are living their lives through their phones / devices.
Their way to socialize is via text or social media.
Their way to interact with the world is via online ordering (food, clothing, etc).
They literally have zero experience with going out, looking somebody in the eye and actually talking / interacting with them.
There was a poll asking Gen Z's about what causes them anxiety when at a restaurant and looking at a menu. Really? Looking at a menu and telling the wait staff what you want causes high anxiety?
We all laugh and joke about everyone staring down at their phones and it's not big deal, but there are repercussions to it.
I understand that in this day and age you can't stop young people from using their phones. But it makes sense to limit their use. Especially when they are really young.
If you bought my 11 year old an IPhone, especially after I told you not to, I'd send it in for a refund, buy them an appropriate gift THAT I APPROVE OF, and keep the rest of the money. When a parent says to their kid "NO", it's not okay for a "friend" or relative to take the parent's authority away. You will undermine the mom, and she will NOT appreciate that.
If you bought my 11 year old an IPhone, especially after I told you not to, I'd send it in for a refund, buy them an appropriate gift THAT I APPROVE OF, and keep the rest of the money. When a parent says to their kid "NO", it's not okay for a "friend" or relative to take the parent's authority away. You will undermine the mom, and she will NOT appreciate that.
When my son was young our household was strictly 'no video games' allowed, and TV time was kept to a minimum and monitored. One time he came back from visiting my parents with a Gameboy. I was furious...they knew I was against gadgets like that and they did it anyway, saying they wanted to give him a "treat" because I couldn't afford it. That f'n thing caused so much disobedience and outbursts from my son that had never existed before, and if I didn't limit his time playing with it he would literally be playing it all the time. After a few months I couldn't take it anymore and the Gameboy accidentally got lost.
As a fourth grade teacher, when it comes to phones, please do one of the following: a) seriously monitor and regulate your child(ren)'s phone usage or, if you don't have the time/ability to do that, then do b) don't buy them the damn phone!!!
If you can't do a or b and want to be able to call them, get them an old school flip phone with no data in which they can only make phone calls. It's much better than unfettered access to the toxic world of social media that children are exposed to at way too early of an age.
Being over-connected to the technological and social media world with no moderation and regulation is seriously debilitating to a child's well being. I see so many problems with students that arise from parents not doing a or b. For the sake of your kid, do a or b!
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