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Lets discuss what people have tried using as consequences for our kids for poor behavior/decision making and DIDN'T work. State how old your child was, how old they are now, what they did wrong and what the punishment was. Perhaps some good ideas for other parents. I'll start:
My son, about 13 at the time(now 15), I don't remember what he did wrong(he misbehaves OFTEN). His consequence was to clean out the inside of the garbage bin with a toothbrush. When he was done he said mom, did you want me to do the outside too? Guess it didn't bother him to clean out the inside!!!
Lets discuss what people have tried using as consequences for our kids for poor behavior/decision making and DIDN'T work. State how old your child was, how old they are now, what they did wrong and what the punishment was. Perhaps some good ideas for other parents. I'll start:
My son, about 13 at the time(now 15), I don't remember what he did wrong(he misbehaves OFTEN). His consequence was to clean out the inside of the garbage bin with a toothbrush. When he was done he said mom, did you want me to do the outside too? Guess it didn't bother him to clean out the inside!!!
Five year old DD.. I guess she was 4 at the time. Destructive behavior with toys/books/etc. Finally told her we were going to take them all away and put them away since she couldnt' respect her stuff. She said "Fine!".. so we did.
She could have cared less!
I guess it "worked" eventually becuase she could eventually "earn" back toys one by one.. but I am telling you, she was in an empty room (well, bed, nightstand, and chair) for a month and didn't once ask for the toys. She'd amuse herself with her fingers, singing, whatever.
Strong willed doesn't even begin to describe it! Eventually she asked and started "earning" them back but the effect of taking them away wasn't what we expected.
My 3yo was demanding cartoons constantly in a rude way. So I decide that she would only get cartoons if she said please. Over a week and nothing. I missed the cartoons because sometimes you want to take a shower in peace. Then we had a long trip so she got her cartoons in a portable DVD player. Never said please. I've tried everything and I can not win this battle. She is tough. Any recommendations are welcome.
This may sound obvious, but do you use "please" with her?
You probably already do but there are a surprising number of folks who don't! I think that we need to be respectful in order to expect respect in return.
If you aren't saying please,, be sure you start. Modeling is the best way to teach things like "please" and "thank you".
I feel for you though. We have a 5 yo DD that will "do without" rather than "ask" at times. For example, she'll come up with something in her hand that belongs to someone else (or a food item) and we'll say "Oh, did you ask before you got X?" and she'll say "No", put the thing down and go away. If you say to her "You know you can have blah if you ask first" she says "Yeah, I know." and that's that! Amazing and infuriating all at once. LOL.
Sometimes she'll return 2 hours later and "ask" but you can tell it kills her to do it! She's a stubborn one.
SUZIE02;
This may sound obvious, but do you use "please" with her?
You probably already do but there are a surprising number of folks who don't! I think that we need to be respectful in order to expect respect in return.
If you aren't saying please,, be sure you start. Modeling is the best way to teach things like "please" and "thank you".
You have a point there. In English a say please all the time. In a Spanish I don't. In the culture I grew up "por favor" is more when you are asking a favor. So in a way that maybe why she wasn't doing it before. The thing that gets me is that she knows that just saying those words will get her the cartoons. She just refuses to be told what to do. We have the same time of situation when I want her to dress. We have stayed home instead of going out because she wouldn't dress herself.
My (now teenager) son was never interested in stickers. People would say, "If you do [blank] you'll get a sticker." ..and they wouldn't get the desired behavior. I must have said a million times, "Stickers don't mean a thing to him." And you'd be amazed at how many people offer the advice of... "Reward him with stickers." Like stickers are the answer to every child behavior issue. UGHHHHHH!!!
i dont know yet what works with him. taking stuff away only makes him louder (he is 2)
telling him to stop or making him sit in time out makes him laugh. i just dont know what we are going to do.
i try to just pick my battles at this point
16 yr old boy that timeouts never ever worked on. We finally figured out that removal of TV worked very well though he'd drive us up a wall during the restriction time. Who says you're just punishing the child? We felt like we're the ones being punished
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Guess it didn't bother him to clean out the inside!!!
