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yeah it's kinda all up to her now, she has some choices to make. you won't be able to manipulate her into anything at this point, she'll just be hard-headed lol she won't be able to sleep all day when she has to work a job to pay her own bills, and she won't be going out every night if she can't afford it lol she may decide to come back home, go to school (rather than work) and go out on the weekends like a more responsible version of herself lol
good luck! i'm not looking forward to when my kids hit this stage... it seems like not long ago, i was the 18 year old irresponsible party animal LOL
to kick your child out? My daughter will be 18 next week. She doesn't want to follow any rules of ours. She stays out all night and doesn't call. She won't go to college or get a job like she's supposed to. We are so frustrated. We've taken her cell phone and car a while back and it doesn't phase her. We worry all night on the nights that she doesn't come home. We try to talk to her and she doesn't want to hear us. We are at our end! Does it really give them a wake up call if you kick them out? I would worry even more that she'd get hurt. My husband says it doesn't matter anyhow, she doesn't come home anyhow. She thinks she can go out all night and come home in the morning to sleep all day then eat and go back out. NO WAY! It's time to grow up and be responsible. What does everyone else think?
Has this behavior come up suddenly or has she always been like this? If it's sudden, is she hanging out with any new group of friends? Do you see any sign of drug use or drinking?
If you ever had her confidence it would be great if you could get it back again. If you haven't ever really had it or not for a long time then you'll probably have to kick her out.
I was kicked out when I was 17.. not to say im proud of anything that was going on at that time though. But has this been a reaccuring thing/for how long? Do you think she may be on drugs or drinking too much? How about the people she hangs with? When I was 17 I just thought I was the **** because of the people I was hanging with, and I thought they were there for me more then my family.. after I was kicked out I realized who was really there for me all along. I realized that my parents were only trying to help me, and I was just blinded by these "friends". I wouldnt be more worried if you do decide to kick her out, since she never comes home anyways.. maybe if your firm with it, then she'll realize the mistake she is making. But also at the same time I was pretty sheltered.. maybe she might feel the same? I dont know, just a thought. Good luck and I hope she makes the right choice.
When you can't cure your toothache, you seek professional help.
When you can't fix a broken car, broken plumbing, when you don't know how to do your taxes, when you're sued, you seek professional help.
How about seeking professional help for someone whose heart is aching, whose mind may not be working up to her age? Before throwing her out, making lists that will be ignored, caving in, and/or all of you feeling defeated, frustrated, uncommunicative, unloved, and powerless -- how about seeking professional help to help fix the gaps in the family and the gaps in her judgment?
Remember that the human brain continues to form until age 22, and the part that is the most complex, the frontal lobe that deals with values, social interactions, consequences of actions, comparisons of viewpoints, planning into the future, among many other complex pursuits, is only starting to begin to form in an 18-year old.
You could give all of you a real break by seeking professional help.
Firmly draw the line, and don't back down. She will walk on you as long as she is allowed.
From experience, I know that adult offspring need to know they can survive without taking advantage of Mom and Dad. Even if she has a couple of really difficult years in the beginning of her independence, they will be her building blocks for her future.
In the event of an emergency, she needs to know you are there for her, but in the event of life in general, she needs to know she can rely on herself.
Remember that the human brain continues to form until age 22, and the part that is the most complex, the frontal lobe that deals with values, social interactions, consequences of actions, comparisons of viewpoints, planning into the future, among many other complex pursuits, is only starting to begin to form in an 18-year old.
Wouldn't this growing of the brain get the best field for learning in the midst of life, rather than in the parent's quarters? The values, the social interactions, consequences of actions (living with roommates who don't forgive like parents), fielding your viewpoints with strangers.
As I mentioned in another post, I have the very same problem but my 18 year old has a baby. She has moved out a couple of times, but always ends up coming back home. I worry about the baby not having a secure feeling if he is constantly up-rooted, so I put up with her teenage crap in order to give him a stable home.
Teenage crap = the same attitude and things all teens do that drive their parents crazy!
As I mentioned in another post, I have the very same problem but my 18 year old has a baby. She has moved out a couple of times, but always ends up coming back home. I worry about the baby not having a secure feeling if he is constantly up-rooted, so I put up with her teenage crap in order to give him a stable home.
Teenage crap = the same attitude and things all teens do that drive their parents crazy!
So keep the baby and tell her when she gets her life in order, she can have him back. As long as she can get away with it, she'll keep the baby in the middle to ensure herself a cozy, warm place to live with all the perks of living with mom.
My son (16) knows that when he finishes high school he can stay here, but he is expected to either be working and paying "rent" (I won't charge him much, enough to cover his food costs mainly)... or he must be in college. No loafing around or partying on my dime.
He's okay with that.
I moved out when I was 17 (my mom was kinda nutty and toxic)... I think the struggle was good for me.
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Does it really give them a wake up call if you kick them out? I would worry even more that she'd get hurt. My husband says it doesn't matter anyhow, she doesn't come home anyhow. She thinks she can go out all night and come home in the morning to sleep all day then eat and go back out. NO WAY! It's time to grow up and be responsible. What does everyone else think?
Yes it does
