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"but don't tell me not to get too involved. I wouldn't invest that money without making sure I was getting a good return."
Jeez!
My opinion. If she believes as a mother that she taught her kids life skills, instilled in them the correct morals and values she would be able to let them go to college without hovering. Otherwise, save the money and have them go to community college 1st two years. When they prove responsible pay for state or university.
"but don't tell me not to get too involved. I wouldn't invest that money without making sure I was getting a good return."
Jeez!
My opinion. If she believes as a mother that she taught her kids life skills, instilled in them the correct morals and values she would be able to let them go to college without hovering. Otherwise, save the money and have them go to community college 1st two years. When they prove responsible pay for state or university.
Great post.
How unfair for the college student to have a parent who will say "Here, go to college. Grow, explore, become your own person. Oh, by the way, here is how I want you to do it"....
There's a fine line. If your kid is drinking his days away at college & not applying himself in the way that was discussed prior to his departure, then, you need to step in. If your child is 5 yrs into a 4yr degree b/c he has flip flopped majors every semester, well, parental intervention was needed.
Other than that, it's sort of hands off.
If a parent doesn't like what their child is majoring in or what classes they are taking or how late they are out at night...don't offer your finances or cosign a loan.
I agree, there is involved and then INVOLVED. If your child asks for advice on which course would be better to take and you discuss pros and cons with your child--good, if you call the registrar and rearrange your child's schedule to the classes you want him to take-bad.
If your child calls you and asks for advice on how to talk to a professor that gave an unwarranted grade and you give a couple suggestions-good, if you call that professor and want to 'discuss' why junior got that grade-bad.
Maybe the issue does come down to money and perhaps some of that independence should be learned by helping pay for your own schooling??
Then it moves on to the work place and by gosh I spent $200,000 on my kid's education they by gosh better get a good job so I am going to send out resumes for my kid and make sure I call the place to set up interviews for that kid. Or WORSE, if junior doesn't get the job, call the person hiring and find out WHY junior didn't get the job. This has happened to my DH on a few occasions. His reply was "the fact that you are calling me right not pretty much tells me I made the right choice". They never get it.
Then it moves on to the work place and by gosh I spent $200,000 on my kid's education they by gosh better get a good job so I am going to send out resumes for my kid and make sure I call the place to set up interviews for that kid. Or WORSE, if junior doesn't get the job, call the person hiring and find out WHY junior didn't get the job. This has happened to my DH on a few occasions. His reply was "the fact that you are calling me right not pretty much tells me I made the right choice". They never get it.
Totally!!! There is nothing wrong with being involved (e.g., advising your children, being interested in their education), but being INVOLVED and calling the school, etc is inappropriate. I've had parents call me before and yell about grades..... generally it's little Susie who never showed to class, didn't turn in assignments because she was out with friends and then cried to her parents that I was unfair....
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