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I would deal with this now. I have seen kids throughout the years that are inappropriate with their anger and if it is not dealt with then it just gets worse. Kudos to you for seeing this and wanting to deal with it. I see parents that make excuses (my favorite excuse for behavior - and I used to hear this all the time..is well, it's because he's so smart). The kids that come to my mind (because I see them in sports) throw their equipment down or argue with the ref or whatever (why the coaches don't immediately bench them I'll never know). It often appears to be a feeling of entitlement - the child sees that he struck out or was fouled or got called for a foul and his response is it's unfair or someone else got away with it or somehow it is not his fault so he is angry about the situation. Life will go much easier for you and your child if you help him deal with this now. Good luck.
Do you think that a 7 year old would understand anger management? I am kind of stumped on this one. Part of me says take him for therapy but then sometimes I think parents run to fast for therapy before looking into something medical being the issue. First, take him to the doctor/pediatrician for some testing to rule out maybe a chemical imbalance. Sounds scary, but it can happen and does. Once that is ruled out, I probably would go the therapy route. If your home life is as stable as you say and I am not doubting that one bit, then it could be medical.
This Dawnrap I apologize (ODD is Oppositional Defiant Disorder) which is also a combination od ADHD which my son also has. Sorry I am going through alot with guiding my son in the right direction.I feel very overwelmed and have alot on my plate.He is in 4th grade and this year my husband and I've noticed he has become much more difficult with his behavior at home and in class. Being told he is more distruptive in class and his behavior toward his teacher was horrible. I honestly feel I am following whats best for my son. I've been told by his doctor and study team that I am doing the right thing, taking care of it now, because each year will get worse, if I don't get the help my son needs! Sorry I chewed your or anyones else ears off,I am just a very concerned mom, who feels for anyone in the same boat.
For example, one of my sons loses it if he's gone too long without food or is tired. So I do what I can to avoid those situations. And I tell him, look you get really grouchy when you're hungry, so have a little snack when you get home from school.
I really feel that diet plays a huge role in how children behave.
Our youngest son (he is 9) has this problem. If he goes 2 or 3 hours without eating something wholesome and good, he gets a really short temper and can get angry and upset over the smallest things. And to make it worse - he is a slow eater and they only have a 15 minute lunch at school. For most kids, 15 minutes is enough time, but for our son... it just doesn't cut-it.
So we have always worked with the teacher to allow him to bring extra snacks to school. The teachers are usually fine with it as long as the snack isn't a messy one - spelt pretzels, whole grain crackers, homemade protein bars, grapes, cubes of cheese, etc. are usually fine. And as soon as we get home from school, I put a snack tray out that the kids can "graze" on while they do homework and relax after school.
I also make a big breakfast for our boys in the morning. This has helped a lot. I used to do smaller breakfasts because we were so rushed in the mornings and we didn't have that much time. (School for us starts at 7:30!) I used to do organic instant oatmeal mixed with sunflower seeds, raisins, and a bit of applesauce or organic maple syrup. Or we'd do cold breakfast cereal with fruit... but that didn't seem to carry him over until his next snack or lunch times. He was getting emotional and the teacher said he was just kind of "tired and zoned out" at school, and by the time he got home, he was moody and easily upset. So now I just get up 30 minutes earlier than I used to and make a bigger breakfast with lots of protein (eggs, french toast, whole grain pancakes, ham, sausage, etc.) and really we have noticed a huge difference in many areas with especially our youngest but our oldest son as well.
What irks me is that our school is supposed to have a "no sweets" rule, and also we are not supposed to be allowed to make things homemade from home and bring them to school to share. (Things like cupcakes, cookies, etc.) Yet every year there is at least one mom who doesn't care what the rules are, she brings in all kinds of candy, cupcakes, cookies, and crap. This doesn't help my son at all. He comes home grouchy, hungry, moody, ugh. I can always tell the days when one of these perhaps well-meaning (but misguided) moms has rebelled against the school's rules - it makes my kid a little sugar monster that I must tame once he gets home.
Anyway - to the OP - try looking at his diet. Maybe keep a notebook. When he has his anger outbursts, consider what he's had to eat that day. And drink, too. So many drinks - even those geared towards children - have loads of sugars and empty calories in them. We stick with milk or water in our house. Occasionally we have juice, but mainly water or soy/rice/or cow milk. Sugar comes in many forms and there's just too much being fed to our kids today. It's causing all kinds of problems.
Anger Management therapy and possibly look into his having ADHD, Aspergers, Autism or Bipolar by a trained professional that deals with kids and can help identify it and maybe give some ideas on how to deal with it, be it therapy or meds.
Just wanted to update this since this thread has popped up to the first page again. Things with my son have improved tremendously! Apparently, he has some type of sensory/tactile issue (forgive me but it's a bunch of complicated words). It was suggested that he keep a small object, like a squishy ball nearby, to squeeze if he felt the need to, or given permission to step outside the classroom if he felt anger. We have monthly meetings with his teacher, principal, and counselor, and they've worked out a program of management. He still gets frustrated at times, but there haven't been any inappropriate outbursts. Thanks to everyone for their suggestions!
Dawnrap, thanks for sharing. This seems to be the same problem we are having in our home with our 8 year old son. Unfortunately, the school was not as helpful and I did have to take him out and enroll in distant education home school. He has been going to a counselor weekly for past 3 months and I have seen no improvements. It's very discouraging. I just wonder when things will get better. He was in sports for past 4 years and it got to the point where I had to take him out. He shows no self-control and signs of ODD, however the counselor hasn't diagnosed him with that. Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated. I hope things are going better for you & your family
Dawnrap, thanks for sharing. This seems to be the same problem we are having in our home with our 8 year old son. Unfortunately, the school was not as helpful and I did have to take him out and enroll in distant education home school. He has been going to a counselor weekly for past 3 months and I have seen no improvements. It's very discouraging. I just wonder when things will get better. He was in sports for past 4 years and it got to the point where I had to take him out. He shows no self-control and signs of ODD, however the counselor hasn't diagnosed him with that. Any help or guidance would be greatly appreciated. I hope things are going better for you & your family
We have the exact same thing. Let me know if you find any solutions. I'll share same.
Our kids were deemed unsafe for the other kids, so they are being homeschooled by the District now. Which is an imposition on the parents too, since the kids are home 24/7 with NO break for the adults. Can't even work or volunteer anymore...just sit at home or run errands. joy...
They go to a therapist and group therapy, but it doesn't help much. Maybe it just not frequenty enough, I dunno. They both got diagnosed with ADHD, Aspergers, and General Anxiety Disorder, so its a barrel of laughs at our house, too.
Having a stress ball doesn't work as it because a weapon. We had to get laced shoes and not teach them how to them so they can't pull them off of throw them. Its gotten worse as time goes on and I'm scared of the teen years.
i had an 11 yr old(now 12) out of school for 11mths last yr...he had a few hrs tutoring a week in the last 2 mths and only because i said i'd drop him of at school and refuse to go back for 6 hrs.it worked straight away as his area weren't allowed to permenantly exclude any more so had him out of school on health and safety grounds.for 8 mths i was told there was nothing available for him.....it's amazing what education can set up over night when they have to!
My 7 year old son gets very angry and frustrated when he loses a game or is having trouble doing something. He either pouts or yells, or does something else equally as distracting or attention grabbing. This has become a problem in school. We knew this was an issue in the past and have tried out best to explain to him that this behavior is inappropriate, and have suggested other ways to express his anger. Since school has started, we've been pleased to hear that he is on "green", signifying that he didn't get in trouble. Well, last week, he got upset and threw a chair! It wasn't at anyone, and I don't know to what extent he threw it, but this is clearly getting out of control. Today, we got a phone call that he's been having anger issues for a few weeks and the teacher wants to have a conference. Other than the chair incident, I'm upset that I'm just now hearing that his anger issues are problematic in class. We have never heard from any teachers that he's a bad or problem child, just that he doesn't control his anger and will act out. We thought things had gotten better. We don't have any home/family issues. His father and I don't fight, we're not abusive or mean toward him or each other, but we are quite firm, maybe too much so at times. We haven't had any recent death or illness in the family, and we moved to our city about a year ago. I'm open to any suggestions or criticisms.
7 years old now! This starts at birth. What you need to do is constantly make the child tell YOU why the behavior is damaging. When my very first child was just two years old, I would ask her "What do you think could happen when you throw that toy?" The first couple times it was "I don't know...' but after telling her, pretty soon it was, "I could hurt someone or break something." "How do you think it makes other people feel when they see you do this?" "Sad and Angry?" "And if you hurt someone, how would that make you feel?" "Sad." "Yes. If I see you throw this toy again, I am going to give you a timeout." Then follow through.
As far as games went...if we played a game, I would NEVER set it up so she would win everytime. This teachs unrealistic expectations and she could SEE that I was cheating for her and grow to expect everyone else to do that. Now with three children playing together, whoever wins gets a good job and a high five from the other two and sometimes from my middle son...."Let's keep playing until I can win a game too." I teach them to not give up and to keep on trying as well as how to be a good sport and praise others who do well. When they are better than each other at something, we always tell them that everyone is better than someone else at something and while one may do well in a foot race, the other might do well at drawing or singing, ect. And if one feels jealous, I tell them that they should be proud of them and praise them and I ask them "What is it you do well at that maybe your sibling/peer does not?" This gets it on the right track.
If I had an older child in school acting like this, I would be asking them everyday to tell me various examples of how other people did something well and what they did well with. This will eventually help them "see" this in the moment during class.
Why is the child acting out? Kids never do these things without a reason. Is he being picked on by an older sibling, bullied at school? How do his parents react in angry situation...in the car, how do they react to other drivers in confrontational or assertive situations...at the grocery store...with each other...how do they talk about people who are not around that they do not agree with? This child is acting out because they are reacting to a situation, home lifestyle "approves" by modeling the behavior or because he was enabled to do this because it was never taught otherwise in the crucial years.
My daughter has always been a gentle soul. When she was between 2 1/2 and 3 1/2, my son grew for the first year of his life. If he took a toy from her, she would find something to trade with him. If he was standing on the back of the couch looking out the window, she would wrap her little arms around his waist and gentle take him down and tell him, "No No Little Buddy, you're going to get hurt." She ran to comfort him when he cried. She never had fits. She was fully potty trained and just about the perfect little angel that any parent has ever hoped for (except the endless energy.) Then she spent the night at my sisters house twice in two weeks. During these two visits, my brother in law and my sister screamed at her for dumping a gallon of shampoo out (Why is a 3 year old taking a bath unattended with her opposite sex cousin?????) and then my BIL gave her a whooping for it. When the two kids threw a kitten off the bunk bed to see if it could fly, my BIL threatened to shoot it. After my daughter, who did not understand, laughed, he shot a round off out the door and both my sister and BIL brought the two kids to hysteria over it.
At home, she acted out by hitting 12-18 month old brother. When on the couch, she grab him by the back of the shirt and throw him off on his head. She'd torture him when in a room alone with him to the point where I'd have to take him to the bathroom with me, set him in a high chair next to me when I cooked or lock her in a room by herself. She started peeing around the house, including on a library book. She broke my son's rib when she got mad at him and pushed him off the top of the bunk bed. We'd disapline her and the problem got worse. When I tried to get her to relate to her with "What could happen when.." she would say the bad man would come to shoot her puppy. This went on for over six months.
Finally, the day she peed on the library book, I was watching the same nephew. That day the behavior was worse. I just knew I was doing this to her and was asking her in tears if she needed to home with my BIL after he came to pick up his son so she could get a break from Mommy. She progressively got worse whenever I talked about it. Finally something clicked and I took her aside and asked her about the incidences with "And what happened next?" questions. I stopped asking questions when I could see the terror in her face from remembering the spanking while she held her hands on her little bottom whimping without speaking. She told me about them and I was stunned, crying, and I promised her she would never ever go over the again. I said in return, I needed my sweet little girl back. When I asked her to repeat what she had said to her dad when he got home from work she said she did not want to because it made her too sad. He also set her down by themselves and talked about his promise as a Daddy to protect his little girl and to never let this happen again. Thankfully, the response was immediant, although we had to rebuild her for a long time after during some situations. A few weeks later, my sister wanted my daughter over and I told her that my daughter did not want to go over. When she asked, I was honest with her, as hard as it was, but I had to tell her how my little girl reacted. Recently my nephew now 7 has twisted his 3 year old sister's arm out of the socket and does the same stuff he's seen his dad do. (My sister's not with him anymore.)
Kids act out for a reason. I can relate perfectly with..."We don't have any home/family issues. His father and I don't fight, we're not abusive or mean toward him or each other, but we are quite firm, maybe too much so at times. We haven't had any recent death or illness in the family, and we moved to our city about a year ago." This was us to a T, except I don't think we are too firm, just consistant. Knowing what I know about kids and what causes them to act out, I had to turn my pointed finger to the one with her the most...me. I talked to my husband objectively about myself, trying to evaluate to see where I went wrong. In reality, it was another situation, when told to me by my sister and BIL seemed so tame and normal, but when told from my daughters point of view, is very heart breaking.
I would start a conversation with "When have you ever felt happiest." Let him tell you things that made him feel happy. Tell him moments that you remember about him that made you smile to see him so happy. Ask him about a range of emotions, starting with the positive ones, proud, surprised, excited, anxious, ect to build his comfort zone to talking about it and then go to ashamed, angry, sad, scared, frightened. Don't be afraid to ask him if his mom and dad have ever made him feel each of these emotions as you go. If you hit a subject, don't ask probing guestions. Just say "Really...then what happened?" If you ask other questions like "Did that person hit you?" ect, it can actually "change" his memory or he may tell you what he thinks you want to hear. At the end say, "Remember when we talked about happy? It makes me happy to see you happy and I want to see you happy all the time. It makes me sad to see you are angry. We need to work together so you do not feel this angry anymore. Anger is an ok emotion. Everyone feels angry sometimes. When people feel angry about something, they find someone they trust to talk about it with. They do not threw chairs or yell." Then get this conversation down on paper to share with the teacher and others who interact with him during school so they can not only see that you are addressing their concerns but so they can also be consistant with how you deal with them.
Summer's coming so you can have more time to see this yourself and impact it immediantly. Whenever you see him react in an appropriate manner, make a big deal about it and tell him how proud you are him. This will give him the incentive to keep on trying. Hopefully you'll be through this by next school year.
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Anger Management for 7 year old
