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Why on earth would he get engaged to someone who treats him so badly?? Certainly, even if he is never viewed as a 'parent', there can be basic household rules that they both have authority to enforce.
The problem here is not only that the child has no respect for your friend, it's that his own FIANCE has no respect for him and I question how much respect he has for himself to tolerate this treatment from the two of them.
Why on earth would he get engaged to someone who treats him so badly?? Certainly, even if he is never viewed as a 'parent', there can be basic household rules that they both have authority to enforce.
The problem here is not only that the child has no respect for your friend, it's that his own FIANCE has no respect for him and I question how much respect he has for himself to tolerate this treatment from the two of them.
He doesn't disciple him unless it's something he is really upset about. One instance, he told the kid to clean up because they were having guests over three times. Kid ignored him then called him "stupid," so he told him to go in his room until he calm down. The kid chucks the soda he was drinking back in the fridge, slams the fridge door, kicks the wall, slams the door to his bedroom before yelling "idiot." The kid was outside again in 10 minutes sitting in his mom's lap saying "he's no fair" blah blah blah...
Yet she tells us how to discipline our kid all the time.
I don't understand it.
He's a really nice, lay back, non confrontational guy, helps out a lot of people. I think a reason may be that he's biological clock is ticking. He's been wanting kids for two years now.
I don't know, I think something ugly is going to eventually happen between them. She doesn't have much respect for him, I know of that. Funny thing is, my girlfriend is the Fiancee's friend, now we're drifting apart from them, because she's tried to offer advice to no avail.
I know a couple has been together for 4 years now, they just got engaged 4 months ago, have been living together for 3 years. The women has a 10 year old son from a previous marriage, he gets to see his dad I think two weekends a month, there is no structure there, just playing video games 24/7, swearing, etc... She will not allow her now fiance to disciple him. She allows her child to scream at him, call him stupid, back talk him, etc... But when her fiance disciplines him with proper reason, sending him to his room or telling him he shouldn't act like that, she goes off on him, telling him he has no right to do that to her son.
I don't understand how he can stand being in that situation, he pays most of the bills around the house, takes care of what he needs to, nicest guy you'll ever meet, but she will not let him take charge as a parent.
It's getting awkward for us to be friends with them when we see this happening. Just wondering when would you guys allow someone your dating, in a relationship with start acting like a parent towards your child?!
I dont think he should discipline them per say at this point, I think thats the parents job or atleast until they are married, but he does have the right to stick up for himself and tell the boy to show some respect and if his fiance doesnt like that, her and her son can move out. they need to have a serious talk...
I remeber growing up my friend was in this suituation. her dads girlfriend was trying to discipline her and make her clean her cats litterbox and she wouldnt and she tried to put her on punishment saying she cant go out and my friend walked out the house with me. when she got home the dad said though she didnt have the right to put her on punishment she did have to respect her
When should GF/BF be able to act like a parent? Never. The kid already has two parents.
The fact that mom isn't doing her job very well and yet this boyfriend takes the abuse is not a good sign either. If he were smart he'd require her get her act together and learn to discipline the child BEFORE he marries her - this won't get any better afterwards. And if he suddenly tries to take his new step-parent role to the level of administering discipline things will only get worse. If you care about this friend you should have a serious heart to heart with him.
I broke it off with a really nice guy because of his adult kids and how he allowed them to talk to him. I could see the future and what my life would be like and I wanted no part of it.
That was my sisters exact situation as this woman. She married a man and brought her 3 kids into the marriage. He was not allowed to correct or discipline those kids although their natural father was dead and he had adopted them. If he tried, there was always a big fight. He endured many, many years of disrespect from those kids and them ruleing the house that he owned. He was dirt under their feet. WHY he stayed with my sister, I do not know.
That being said, you don't even want to know how those kids turned out as adults with no respect for authority. That IS what those children are being taught, no respect for authority and it does carry on into their adult lives.
That guy should just pack up and get out, it IS a train wreck waiting to happen and it will never get any better than what it is right now.
There is NO excuse for a parent not teaching their children to respect others, especially the one who is paying the bills and putting food on their table. He needs to make changes but he has to want to!
I agree with Laura!!! So many children lack respect for authority and adults in general! I see it all the time. My kids are not perfect. They get mouthy with me and hubby here and there, but I'd tan their hide if they ever called an adult "stupid" or anything like that!! They know this, and they are respectful kids. I won't take all the credit, though. My hubby, my parents, my sister, brother, sister-in-law and close friends (anyone we spend a lot of time with) all have my back. They wouldn't allow my kids to be disrespectful even if I wasn't around. Nor would I allow their kids to act disrespectful. I'm with the "It takes a village" attitude. ANY kid will act bratty and disrespectful if they know they can get away with it!!
my personal feeling is that if you respect a person enough to share a bed/ home/ life with them then you should respect them enough to allow them to call any child living (or visiting) that home down for misbehavior.
My son was 10 when I met my DH... DH's kids were 4 and 5. We talked and came up with the understanding that we would parent each other's kids, since they live with us. We wouldn't call each other out in front of the kids but we would respect the other's suggestion of a time out for ourselves to discuss the situation.
Yeah I dont see this as a healthy relationship - Its only going to get worse as the kids ages... all teenagers are a pain but when the know they could get away with things they certainly will... that means more and more disrepect to the step-father...
I think the step parent have every right to discpline the child - If the step parent wasnt a loving person who wanted the best for your child maybe marriage is not the best choice....
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