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I think what many people are saying is that while it's wrong to open the presents, it's not unique to this child or even indicative of a bigger, emotional issue. It's one of the things that any kid might do in a moment of weakness. (Be careful about saying, "My kid would never.... " because if you say it, sure enough, your kid will.)
As for what to do about it, again, I think many people are saying that the disappointment and lack of an exciting surprise on Christmas morning will be a natural consequence of his bad choice. Natural consequences are great for teaching lessons.
Just curious, does he have siblings?
The reason I ask is when I was in 7th grade ( about 12 years old) my parents SWORE that I opened all my presents under the tree. I cried and cried and said I didn't. They flipped out and said I lied and they were going to take the presents back. * They did take some back*
I had no idea what they were talking about. On Christmas morning, I barely had anything and they said that I knew everything I was getting so don't pretend to be excited.
I didn't open the presents and peek. Found out it was my younger brother. ( THEY DIDN'T SUSPECT HIM) I carried a lot of resentment towards my parents because of this. They freaked out over NOTHING.
Now, I think they probably needed the money and took the presents back.
I was just asking because could it be a sibling?
We solved the problem about presents in my house when we had kids....the presents DO NOT COME down until Christmas morning!
I warn my kids that anything they open without permission goes to Goodwill. That said, if she didn't tell him the consequence ahead of time, then that punishment would be way too harsh. In this situation, I'd say she has two options... return them and exchange them for other gifts (which she then hides), or just let him have them... now. Very matter of fact-ly - he's already ruined the Christmas morning surprise... why make a fuss on Christmas morning now?
I can totally understand her being so upset - it would hurt my feelings if my kids did that.... but on the flip side I must say that when my mom put presents under the tree I would go snoopying around shaking the box or "accidently" poking a hole in the wrapping paper and seeing what the present was - as an adult/mom I could see all the hard work that love that goes into christmas and I too love to see the people I love open their presents and ooh and ahh which doesnt happen once its been seen already... so I understand her disappointment but i think it sorta normal.
I think she should give her kid the gifts that he saw and call it a day..
He is any only child. There is actually more to this situation. His father is an abusive alcoholic who doesn't think it's wrong to drink and drive or not do your homework or even not go to school. My sister should have left many years ago. I just think this little fellow is confused with what is right and what is wrong. She tells him one thing and daddy tells him just the opposite.
and that says it all. He needs more than ever a calm and reasonable voice in the wilderness of adult problems. He needs a mom who can talk to him and explain why she is disappointed instead of threatening him.
My ex-husband has done the same thing over and over again. He trashes me to the kids, things would be OH SO MUCH EASIER AND BETTER at his house..blah blah blah. I still do not think this is an excuse for my children to behave badly. I think this qualifies as bad behavior. Maybe I am just a hard ass. Consequences for bad behavior is something that people have watered down beyond all comprehension. Mom needs go get strong fast or her boy will be gone for good. Not just with this either, I am sure this is not the only problem she has had with him. Seeing a strong consistent mom would help him beyond all comprehension. Sometimes we have to do things that are NOT popular. This is one of my things. Honesty is valued in our household.
My sister (recently divorced) has been working very hard lately to buy her son (almost 14 years old) the things he wanted for Christmas. His father is giving her a hard time with child support payments being on time and by "bad-mouthing" his mother. Daddy can do no wrong and mama can do no right.
She went to the grocery store today and while she was gone.... he opened his presents under the tree and re wrapped them very sloppy. She could tell immediately and confronted him. Her feelings are HURT. She was hoping to feel the pride and joy in providing him with the things he wanted on Christmas morning and now she is devastated.
She has threatened to return all the items. I told her not to completely crush his world but not to make idol threats. What should she do in this situation with this very fragile child?
What exactly makes him so fragile? Just the fact that he thought he could get away with this would indicate to me that he is either spoiled rotten or that he thinks he can challenge authority with impunity.
Since I, thankfully, do not have children, all I can offer is experience from my own life. If I had the audacity to do such a terrible thing, I would have been in BIG, BIG TROUBLE for a very long time. Not to mention the fact that the gifts would have been TAKEN AWAY from me until my punishment period was over and I would get NOTHING for Xmas.
But somehow, I don't think this is going to happen at her house. LOL
Besides, when I was 14 I got ONE present at Xmas from my parents. And it was usually pretty modest at that. Children are so spoiled these days.
Being a child of divorce and raising a child of divorce, I've got to say something.
I'm sorry, I just can't agree with the people that are saying, "just let it go, he's going through a hard time"
My younger brother played my parents like a fiddle. Drove the rest of us crazy. But he got away with it and trash talks my parents every chance he gets even today.
If he's allowed to use the divorce as a crutch every time he screws up, he'll #1)use it forever to get his way
#2)lose all respect for the mother.
He's 14 years old. He knows better. He did something wrong and there needs to be consequences. What? I don't know but he can't be allowed to disrepect his mother like that.
Personally I don't think this has anything to do with his parents, it has to do with curiosity.
I suggest that curiosity cost him a lesson. He is old enough to know better and nothing will be a surprise on Xmas morning. His problem not him Mom's.
Probably won't do that again.
My kids who are now adults had the same conversation with me as I found out that they had peeked and it was no fun when they reopened them. Happened once and never again.
I do not think that the Mom should have to run around again and exchange his gifts now for something else. He ruined it for himself.
Last edited by crazyworld; 12-17-2008 at 12:45 PM..
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