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I'm not saying that this is not somewhat normal behavior. talking back to parents is normal, not picking up after yourself is normal, etc... the point is that we as parents are supposed to teach our kids self control and that there is consequences for your actions. every action has a reaction. this boy knew that he did wrong, but still couldnt even take the time to wrap them up properly (op said it was sloppy wrapping), and the mom already told him she knew. If she does not give some sort of consequence he will have no respect for rules. Obviously it does not have to be something huge, but something.
I don't disagree with the consequences theory but...as we get older and are maturing I do believe allowing someone to just see what happens and how it makes them feel is a learning process in itself. My understanding is this was an otherwise good kid (nothing was said about other manipulating or disrespectful behavior). I don't think it is at all unusual for kids to sneek a peek at one point in their lives. I can remember finding my presents in my parents closet when I was about 12 or 13. Christmas was a letdown and I never did it again. My kids have done the same with the same result. As adults, sometimes we make bad choices and there are no outright consequences but we have to live with the knowledge and disappointment our choices resulted in. I don't think that is a bad lesson for a 14 year old.
I agree with Kimmieyky--it is normal behavior. As for the rewrapping--he might just be really bad at it, or he may have wanted his mom to find out. In the end, it is not that big of a deal.
i say your sis take all the presents from under the cristmas tree, unwrap them and put them at your house for storage.
next she should take news paper ads or toy store ads for all the gifts she bought him. wrap those up under the tree(using different packages and wrapping), but make sure to add some weight to them so he wont know that the boxes really contain nothing but paper ads. those boxes will be opened on cristmas day or whenever.
when he asks "what gives" the parent can say. "well since you were naughty and opened your gifts before you were supposed to you, these papers will serve as coupons for your gifts. you will have to earn these gifts if you really want them. you betrayed my trust and that hurt me. in order to get these gifts, you have to win back my trust and when that happens you can exchange those coupons/ads for your gifts that you would have had, had you not been so nosey and naughty.
its an excercise in trust and patience.
thats the suprise of a lifetime!!!
have a camera ready
good luck.
(ok dont be such a grinch. leave one or two of the actual gifts under the tree.)
i say your sis take all the presents from under the cristmas tree, unwrap them and put them at your house for storage.
next she should take news paper ads or toy store ads for all the gifts she bought him. wrap those up under the tree(using different packages and wrapping), but make sure to add some weight to them so he wont know that the boxes really contain nothing but paper ads. those boxes will be opened on cristmas day or whenever.
when he asks "what gives" the parent can say. "well since you were naughty and opened your gifts before you were supposed to you, these papers will serve as coupons for your gifts. you will have to earn these gifts if you really want them. you betrayed my trust and that hurt me. in order to get these gifts, you have to win back my trust and when that happens you can exchange those coupons/ads for your gifts that you would have had, had you not been so nosey and naughty.
its an excercise in trust and patience.
thats the suprise of a lifetime!!!
have a camera ready
good luck.
(ok dont be such a grinch. leave one or two of the actual gifts under the tree.)
The problem with this is that the kid has been through a rough time with the divorce also. Let Christmas be a no-conflict time..just enjoy.
His dad was supposed to pick him up on Christmas day. Now he says he doesn't want to go because dad is not giving him anything for Christmas. Wanna know why?! He racked up about $80 in roaming charges on his cell phone that his dad pays for.
We took him to Florida for Thanksgiving and he used his phone to check in with mom and dad. But also the kids were calling each other a lot. My kids (his cousins) are 13 and 15 and they get along great. He often takes mini vacations with us but apparently his cell phone plan does not include free roaming.
Also, besides not giving him a gift he said he will be taking his phone back!
There are deeper issues here.... ones that have nothing to do with childhood curiosity. Your nephew is probably going through some kind of where do I belong / what control do I have in my own life issues.
I do stand behind my opinion that there needs to be consequences... but withholding all the gifts he opened might not be the best idea for this particular situation. Maybe 50/50?
I have been talking to my stb 15 yo who remembers his father and my seperation / divorce about this particular thread. I asked if he'd ever snooped and about how he felt those first couple of years. He said he's seen some presents, but not on purpose. And what stuck out to him the most was having to share Christmas..... going from one house to the next.... so that everybody could get their little piece of him. My ex does not decorate and tells Son what he's going to get... and gives him his gift whenever.... a week before.... two days after.... whenever.... even though Son is always with his father at some point on Christmas Day. I, on the other hand, do the whole tree / stocking / hiding presents and the Santa gifts.... even for him and DH. Son likes the traditions... and he likes the nontratitional way his father does it. Son will not pick one over the other.... that would also mean having to pick one parent over the other. I work hard to keep him out of that position.
As for the father taking away the phone.... did your nephew know about roaming charges? I feel it is unfair to yank the phone if the boy didn't know he was doing anything wrong..... that being said, the boy should be held responsible for half the charges.... Part of ther responsibility of having a cell. I am surprised that there are still phones out there that have roaming charges.
If there is a financial way to do do so, could the boy be added on another plan? My Son is on my momma's plan for 10.00 a month.... no roaming or long distance. Son is responsible for all charges over (ringtones and txt messages).
My heart goes out to this boy.... he is being pulled in lots of directions.... and is at an age in life where even with a nuclear family he'd be in the teenage turmoil of pulling away from being a "kid".
I would take them all back. Sorry, but once again, let's not punish the child or teach them any lessons.
This is ridiculous. A 14 year old knows better than to do this (at least he should). To not punish him would to teach him that it is ok to do what you want regardless of others.
and yes, I went through 2 nasty divorces, including being kicked out at the age of 11 by my step mom, and somehow I turned out all right.
Last edited by nrfitchett4; 12-20-2008 at 11:54 PM..
Reason: added
I warn my kids that anything they open without permission goes to Goodwill. That said, if she didn't tell him the consequence ahead of time, then that punishment would be way too harsh. In this situation, I'd say she has two options... return them and exchange them for other gifts (which she then hides), or just let him have them... now. Very matter of fact-ly - he's already ruined the Christmas morning surprise... why make a fuss on Christmas morning now?
do you have to tell a 14 year old in a advance not to clean out your wallet? This isn't his 1st x-mas, he knows the rules, he broke them, take it all back or better yet, make him go with her to goodwill and hand over the gifts.
remind me never to leave valuables out around the majority of you guys.
Whatever happened to personal responsibility in this country?
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