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I'm sure most teens think they know everything. I sure did. I moved out at 16 because of my over protective, overbearing mother. No one thought I would graduate from high school or amount to anything after I left home. I graduated 2nd in my class and immediately went to college. I am now married with 2 beautiful children and a great job.... and have an excellent relationship with my parents. Simply because I grew up. She will grow up too.
I don't know if mom is overbearing, but that's something to look at. If my mom would have let me be me, it would have been better. I'm not saying she needed to give me all the power, but she needed to let me make choices and learn who I was, but she was too stuck on me being her little girl......
I still remember Ann Landers advice when a mom had trouble with her teen daughter.
As much as it will feel stiff, hug her, rub her back or shoulders when she is sitting down-just touch her arm. Little touches can break down a wall between a parent & a teen.
Thanks everyone for your insights. The other day, I told her that I know she wants her independence, but I want her to know we love her very much. It's just hard not to be dissapointed in some of her choices. I know I need to find more positives. I will try to be more upbeat and not let her attitude get me down. Thanks again!
If she is 18 she can move out if she please you cannot tell her no
Sometimes people need to see things for themselves. Maybe she will be better on her own maybe she wont. But the choice is up to her since she will be an adult
Hi, I'm new here and have read a few posts about the teenage drama. Mine wants to move out as soon as she turns 18 next summer. She makes it clear she can't stand it here. I have trouble being nice to her as I am hurt and offended that she finds it so difficult to be a part of our family. She will still have a year of HS and we won't let her leave until after her senior year. By then maybe she will realize how import college is, but in the meantime, she really thinks she's leaving. She thinks being 18 will be her ticket to do as she wishes with no rules of which she really has very few already. Just to check in and be home by a certain time. I have a hard time reacting to her without being as sarcastic and snotty as she is so I try not to be around her or interfer with her as much as possible. She shares nothing with me. She has a better relationship with her dad. Should I continue to try to stay clear unitl she is ready to be more appreciative of all she has?
BTW she has a twin brother who is a homebody, chats, and spends time with us. Just the opposite of our daughter!
Will she really grow up someday and be civil?
Thanks
The problem could be her friends. There are so many kids that get to do whatever they want, that it makes you seem unfair and that she's on a leash.
It's not uncommon for kids to want to move out when they're 18. FWIW, can she really do that and survive? Does she work? Who pays for her car, cell and clothes? These days, most kids can't survive on their own paying rent, it's too expensive. Does she have a job? If not, that is where I would start. Drive her around for applications or start applying online. Both of your kids should be working and saving or paying for some of their own stuff.
As was said, if she wants to move out at 18 and she's still a student, you might not be able to stop her. Check the laws in your area.
My 15 year old has been saying how she can't wait till she's 18 to move back to our old town (an hour away). I let her talk. I said the same thing about moving out but in reality, I couldn't do it. By the time I paid for the car, insurance and gas to get to work there wasn't much left over. I've been paying my own way since I was put on the books with the family business. If I wanted clothes, I paid; even at 15.
As far as college, I'd get the thought out of my head. She'd probably be the kid that wants to live on campus and not concentrate on school. Wait until she's more mature. Could also send her to a vo-tech to learn a trade but it's possible she won't go to college. Not every kid is college material, and your daughter is her own person and shouldn't be compared to your son. I have 2 kids, boy & girl, they are like night & day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nd4me
I have trouble being nice to her as I am hurt and offended that she finds it so difficult to be a part of our family. I have a hard time reacting to her without being as sarcastic and snotty as she is so I try not to be around her or interfer with her as much as possible. She shares nothing with me.
Why are you so hurt and offended?
Part of being a parent is forgive and forget.
I wouldn't doubt that she senses how you feel.
Heck, if I counted every time my girl was snotty to me, I'm sure it's 9 to 1, 9 times snotty to 1 being nice. I ignore it.
She'll grow out of it one day.
You as a parent shouldn't hold a grudge or be sarcastic/snotty back.
Welcome to the club. My daughter is now 18 and after months of telling me and my wife she was leaving the day her 18th birthday came is still with us. I am so stressed out over her and the previous years of problems she caused I was actually looking forward to her leaving! But they know Mom and Dad will take care of them and then they start to get a little easier to get along with. My biggest problem is my wife sides with her over any issue which makes being a Father a difficult if not useless task in my home. I know how you feel. Nothing seems to work. We woulld go to Church on a Sunday and she would argue coming home. We would take day trips and she would start a argument about anything. I can not wait til she comes home with an engagement ring! Hang in there. I feel your pain, I really do.
Welcome to the club. My daughter is now 18 and after months of telling me and my wife she was leaving the day her 18th birthday came is still with us. I am so stressed out over her and the previous years of problems she caused I was actually looking forward to her leaving! But they know Mom and Dad will take care of them and then they start to get a little easier to get along with. My biggest problem is my wife sides with her over any issue which makes being a Father a difficult if not useless task in my home. I know how you feel. Nothing seems to work. We woulld go to Church on a Sunday and she would argue coming home. We would take day trips and she would start a argument about anything. I can not wait til she comes home with an engagement ring! Hang in there. I feel your pain, I really do.
I'm there, and still there, too - but with boys. My oldest has never let grass grow under his feet, hated everything from the tiem he turned 15, and left at the first chance he got. He is married now and expecting his first baby in Feb. - and he is bitter/sweet - as he knows he screwed up. He admits he would not listen, and is now paying the price, however he is growing up - finally - and accepting responsibility for his family.
My middle son is 19. He graduated last June, started EMY school the next day, began college last fall and is now in Paramedic school. His education and career is steadfast - but he has decided to get married this coming June to his high school sweetheart. I have done everything I can (and so has his dad and brother) to show him he needs to wait, finish school (she is in college, too) and save money. He just will not listen.
The dress has been purchased, and the rings, photographer booked - and it looks like nothing is going to stop him now.
I can't force him not too, but he knows I am not ecstatic, either. All I can do is love him and stand back and watch at this point. I am sure there will be a time when he realizes what he has done - but haven't we all?
Kids just have to do their own thing no matter how badly we as adults know they are messing up. Sometimes you just have to let the train wreck and be there to pick up the pieces.
Hopefully the OP's daughter will just keep talking and acting out, but realize and stay home for school. If not - there really is nothing you can do but love them anyway - and be there when they fall. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion, and it hurts, but it is what it is.
Luckily...I have 17 more years before I tackle this again...the baby is only 9 months! lol!
Coming from a mother of teens and daughters now in their early twenties.....the kids think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. What good parent would willingly think their child would do better moving out the day they hit 18? I do need to question that one. My kids have all said it, but I've made it clear that they "are not" to move out until they have completed their education and have roots to the future, and they WILL follow my household rules while they live here. If they choose to leave, so be it. My 23 year old used to go on and on about moving out, but she is still in school and realizes how much better off she is having a roof over her head. Some of the posters are correct, you can't make her stay, but if she chooses to go, she will come back once she realizes that life is not easy in the "real world". (if she chooses to go, dont bail her out....just let her know her bed is waiting for her return)
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Been there, still there.
