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Sounds like a narcissistic or OCPD personality problem. I see it all the time with kids in college. It is beyond frustrating. Very smart people tend to lack empathy and be overly critical and backstabbing. They have absolutely no relationship skills and will never those skills unless they are taught them. It will not correct itself unless you do something as parent.
Use instruction to correct it. Model the attitude you want him to have too.
For you to diagnose the boy as a narcissist is rather shocking and I believe out of line. Furthermore, if he is genuinely a narcissist, there is virtually no hope that his personality (or lack of it) will change in any fashion. Narcissism typically results from what occurs (or doesn't occur) early on in childhood, often due to the influences (or lack of them) from an adult male role model.
At any rate, you really have no place diagnosing a boy with narcissism who you A- don't know in person and B- know very little about from a few online posts referencing/describing him in minor detail.
I agree Ohio and its not a simple matter (and accurate diagnosis is a bit difficult for internet- all I can find really is whether people relate or have similar experiences)- our city is going to have some celebration for him and he's upset that I allowed this to happen. Really the only thing I can complain about his he doesn't seem to be warm and caring about anyone but himself. On the other hand he is involved in politics and does volunteer work -- who knows!
#1..he's 16
#2..he's too cool right now for hugs.
#3..Showing distain for anything anyone other that his friend do is the cool thing to do.
#4..he's 16.
I lost all intelligence when my son turned 13. Now that he has a child of his own, I'm getting my smarts back.
Continue NOT to let him talk back and/or down to you.
Take deep breaths and don't let him get to you.
Good luck.
I totally agree with this poster. Don't let him get to you and don't let him talk down to you.
I'm no one either to give a diagnose either but there is a small possibility that he is a control freak.
My mother is also a charitable person, capable of doing very good things for me and other people, including strangers.
But unfortunately she is very critical. She always has to put someone down in order to make herself feel better. Very antagonizing. She can be very hurtful and will go to extremes to get her way (lying, stop talking, sabotage trips and parties). That scene that you describe at the airport, would be something my mom could do. She has a high opinion of herself and feels like she is the center of attention.
I have low tolerance for people like her. When I meet people like her, I have to get away from them, otherwise I become a very negative person. I think it's some kind of childhood trauma LOL. I will always love my mother, take care of her and focus on the good things she does. Most of the time we have a good relationship. What has helped me a lot is accepting that she is not gonna change, that whatever possess her to act the way she does is beyond reason.
When she puts me down in front of other people (that is the only thing I can't stand) I fight back. I think it's better than staying quiet, otherwise she will get out of control. At least she will think twice before doing it again because she knows I can also make her look bad in front of other people.
To answer your question, if he is a control freak:
Is there something I as a parent have done that have made him almost cold on the interior? About the hugs no, some people are not into physical contact (I'm not either, another thing my mom uses against me).
What makes children grow up this way? Is there a way to change this? Maybe tell him how you feel and if he stills cannot understand how your feelings get hurt with all these negative comments, then that is just the way he is. Nothing you can do about it. The good thing is that control freaks are not always like that, just when they have those ego feeding episodes. I noticed that trips, parties, reunions or anything stressful tends to wake up those ego episodes. You have to learn to live with it, love him unconditionally but do not let him treat you both(you and his sister) as a doormat. People like him need boundaries. For you it's probably gonna be easier since you are the mother. I have to defy authority and even go against the Ten Commandments.
Last edited by ♥♥PRINC3Ss♥♥; 02-04-2009 at 12:23 AM..
Well he isn't a control freak- basically he is only interested in what affects him. He's not concerned about the rest of the family and is happier spending time alone than with us. This may just be a 16yr old- who knows?
Most 16 year olds don't particularly enjoy spending time with their parents. Most 16 year olds want to be with their friends 24/7 and if they can't be with friends they'd rather be alone than with parents. It's not that he doesn't like you - it's just that he's trying to become independent from you and separate from you emotionally.
16 yo's are usually self centered and, assuming this hasn't been going on for a LONG time, he'll probably come out of this stage - it probably won't be until he's in his early 20's though...
Well he isn't a control freak- basically he is only interested in what affects him. He's not concerned about the rest of the family and is happier spending time alone than with us. This may just be a 16yr old- who knows?
Frankly, I think this just sounds like pretty typical 16 year old male behavior. Now if it hasn't improved by 26.... Teen-agers can be very altruistic at times, but a lot of the time it is "all about me." And ...it seems to me that they are more charitable usually towards people outside the family than inside if you know what I mean. That said, I would definitely pick my battles, but if his behavior gets too obnoxious, I would definitely "call" him on it.
I have a 16 yr. old daughter and for the most part she is very respectful. Good student, responsible and very popular. Great athlete and has a heart of gold. Loyal to her friends. Calls to tell me where she is and when she will be home. Never stays out past her curfue. Here's the bad news. She is a total slob, throws her clothes everywhere and will leave them there for etenity. She can't get close enough to me at times and others, I am dumb, annoying and will just plain tell me to leave her alone and even shut up. A few times I was told that she hates me. I really believe it is her age and the pressures that they are under on a daily basis. I try to respect her moods and her feelings but when she crosses the line I put her in her place and tell her.,I don't speak to you that way and don't you ever treat me that way. I do everything for you and I won't be disrespected, period. The conversation usually ends right there. Sometimes she'll slam the door and go in her room but will not breathe another word out of line.
When you find the answer to your question, let me know. I have a 15 year old daughter; high end intelligence, personable, etc..
I don't know how I got to be my age not knowing any more than I do according to her. It's amazing how a teenager can surpass his/her parent in intelligence and people skills in the blink of an eye.
And we all know in our family that the world we live in revolves around our teenage daughter.
I have a 16 yr. old daughter and for the most part she is very respectful. Good student, responsible and very popular. Great athlete and has a heart of gold. Loyal to her friends. Calls to tell me where she is and when she will be home. Never stays out past her curfue. Here's the bad news. She is a total slob, throws her clothes everywhere and will leave them there for etenity. She can't get close enough to me at times and others, I am dumb, annoying and will just plain tell me to leave her alone and even shut up. A few times I was told that she hates me. I really believe it is her age and the pressures that they are under on a daily basis. I try to respect her moods and her feelings but when she crosses the line I put her in her place and tell her.,I don't speak to you that way and don't you ever treat me that way. I do everything for you and I won't be disrespected, period. The conversation usually ends right there. Sometimes she'll slam the door and go in her room but will not breathe another word out of line.
Sounds like a pretty normal 16 yr old girl to me....hang tough and just keep up what you're doing. It will get better....
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Now if it hasn't improved by 26....
Teen-agers can be very altruistic at times, but a lot of the time it is "all about me." And ...it seems to me that they are more charitable usually towards people outside the family than inside if you know what I mean. That said, I would definitely pick my battles, but if his behavior gets too obnoxious, I would definitely "call" him on it.
