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Sell the x-box and use the money to repay you. Let him work off the rest by doing chores.
This is what I would do.
Not only that, when our kids were younger (and this would apply now as well) we followed the Biblical principle that states that if you steal you must pay back DOUBLE what you took. I'll tell you that we had very few incidents of stealing...even taking legos during play resulted giving a sibling twice as many of yours to play with. If you take a dollar you have to pay back $2. If you take $125 you have to pay back $250...and I wouldn't accept any money from your bank account or gift cards you got for your birthday. I want it WORKED off and I won't be nice or make it easy. He wouldn't be doing anything else until it was worked off. Given that I pay around $4 per hour for an 11 yo he would owe me over 60 hours of hard work.
+1 for a bit of shame and disappointment as well. Breaching trust is a HUGE deal in any relationship and he needs to understand that the trust is not easily regained.
You're still planning to give him an Easter basket? You are much nicer than I would be. I'd get the basket and then take him with me while I donate it to a needy and DESERVING child.
Make him wear a sign in the neighborhood that says he stole from you, then make him repay you every red cent!!!!!!!!!!! Thats still easier than what would have happened when we were kids, LOL!!!!
Not only that, when our kids were younger (and this would apply now as well) we followed the Biblical principle that states that if you steal you must pay back DOUBLE what you took. I'll tell you that we had very few incidents of stealing...even taking legos during play resulted giving a sibling twice as many of yours to play with. If you take a dollar you have to pay back $2. If you take $125 you have to pay back $250...and I wouldn't accept any money from your bank account or gift cards you got for your birthday. I want it WORKED off and I won't be nice or make it easy. He wouldn't be doing anything else until it was worked off. Given that I pay around $4 per hour for an 11 yo he would owe me over 60 hours of hard work.
+1 for a bit of shame and disappointment as well. Breaching trust is a HUGE deal in any relationship and he needs to understand that the trust is not easily regained.
You're still planning to give him an Easter basket? You are much nicer than I would be. I'd get the basket and then take him with me while I donate it to a needy and DESERVING child.
Make him wear a sign in the neighborhood that says he stole from you, then make him repay you every red cent!!!!!!!!!!! Thats still easier than what would have happened when we were kids, LOL!!!!
HAHA. Good idea.
I think that, in the case of stealing especially, trying to make him feel guilty might work.
the bottom line: sometimes kids (& other people) do things that are "wrong."
the idea should be to let him know why it was wrong, and that there are consequences. that's called "real life, in the real world."
take some of the posters' advice though, & the kid will be squashed under some asinine pop-psych label & possibly put on "behavior-modification" drugs.
To me, this is no different than the 15/16 yr old using their phone for internet not realizing how high the balance in going and getting a bill for several hundred dollars. Or the college student who goes abroad with the assurance the phone won't have roaming charges only to have a $1000 bill first time out.
None of this fits true stealing in my opinion, especially since the OP acknowledges that her son had no idea how much the total actually came to. And at 10 many kids don't think about keeping up with what charges they've incurred by downloading. Heck many adults do the same darn thing using their charge cards!
I'd say this is a two way lesson learned. Parents learned that leaving debit information available will indeed get it taken advantage of, and child learned that his actions really do add up in real dollars.
I agree that he needs to work off the charges and lose electronic privileges until he has paid his debt. Then he earns them back once he's truly learned the cost and how it all works. I certainly wouldn't sell his XBOX since he worked hard to save up to buy it and since the selling price definitely won't be worth the sale.
To me, this is no different than the 15/16 yr old using their phone for internet not realizing how high the balance in going and getting a bill for several hundred dollars. Or the college student who goes abroad with the assurance the phone won't have roaming charges only to have a $1000 bill first time out.
None of this fits true stealing in my opinion, especially since the OP acknowledges that her son had no idea how much the total actually came to. And at 10 many kids don't think about keeping up with what charges they've incurred by downloading. Heck many adults do the same darn thing using their charge cards!
I'd say this is a two way lesson learned. Parents learned that leaving debit information available will indeed get it taken advantage of, and child learned that his actions really do add up in real dollars.
I agree that he needs to work off the charges and lose electronic privileges until he has paid his debt. Then he earns them back once he's truly learned the cost and how it all works. I certainly wouldn't sell his XBOX since he worked hard to save up to buy it and since the selling price definitely won't be worth the sale.
The OP wrote:
"Well this morning I got up and he is playing a game on his XBox, online, and I heard him talking to his friends about a download that was released today. He asked me 2 days ago if I would get it for him and my response was that I would think about it. He apparently went ahead and downloaded it. I checked my bank account and sure enough, there's a debit from Microsoft. "
Therefore, her son spent money he was not given permission to spend. That would be considered stealing in my opinion.
To me, this is no different than the 15/16 yr old using their phone for internet not realizing how high the balance in going and getting a bill for several hundred dollars. Or the college student who goes abroad with the assurance the phone won't have roaming charges only to have a $1000 bill first time out.
None of this fits true stealing in my opinion, especially since the OP acknowledges that her son had no idea how much the total actually came to. And at 10 many kids don't think about keeping up with what charges they've incurred by downloading. Heck many adults do the same darn thing using their charge cards!
I'd say this is a two way lesson learned. Parents learned that leaving debit information available will indeed get it taken advantage of, and child learned that his actions really do add up in real dollars.
I agree that he needs to work off the charges and lose electronic privileges until he has paid his debt. Then he earns them back once he's truly learned the cost and how it all works. I certainly wouldn't sell his XBOX since he worked hard to save up to buy it and since the selling price definitely won't be worth the sale.
Sorry but nope. This kid KNEW exactly what he was doing. Mom said she couldn't afford more and he charged more anyway. Even after he was caught the first time he charged up $15 MORE. This was intentional not incidental like "Oops, I didn't know the phone had roaming charges."
Quote:
Originally Posted by twojulybabies
.....He had just purchased the iPod, so I let him download some of the free apps. (It is my iTunes account) Then he asked for a .99 song and another .99 app. I agreed and told him that was it, that's all we could afford. Over the next few days, while I was at work I suppose, he took it upon himself to download a bunch more songs/apps @ .99 and they just added up. ...... He absolutely knew it was wrong and did it anyway.
......... Today's incident (~$15) hurt me so much because at this point he knew I didn't have the money AND he had asked me 2 days ago to buy it and I hadn't decided yet. He did it anyway.
The OP wrote:
"Well this morning I got up and he is playing a game on his XBox, online, and I heard him talking to his friends about a download that was released today. He asked me 2 days ago if I would get it for him and my response was that I would think about it. He apparently went ahead and downloaded it. I checked my bank account and sure enough, there's a debit from Microsoft. "
Therefore, her son spent money he was not given permission to spend. That would be considered stealing in my opinion.
I agree he wasn't given permission for the last one, though it could also be said that he wasn't told no either since she said let me think about it. Though that's neither here nor there.
I take issue with saying he 'stole' from his mom, who initially gave him permission and then didn't remove the financial information and allowed him to continue to download things, some for her mutual enjoyment she says.
It seems to be when he downloaded something that he hadn't been granted permission to do that she accused him of stealing. After the very first discovery of him downloading things without her knowledge she should have handled that situation then and there.
If one were to give a 10 yr old a cell phone that had 500 minutes and they went way over, accrued extra charges and were told not to do it again, then still allowed to have the phone and went over again, would they be accused of stealing? No. They'd get a lecture for poor judgment, lose use of the phone and have to work off the debt in some way.
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