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I would appreciate some input. I am a single mom of a 14 year old girl and I want to move to Texas.We visited there a few years ago and really liked it and since then I have researched it and it sounds like a good place to live. We live in Rochester,NY and I can't stand the winters any more. My daughter was excited at first but now worries about leaving her freinds.I told her she can call them every day,IM them and we will visit. My family and her father are here. She barely ever spends time with her dad and talks with him once in awhile. Am I being selfish for wanting to do this?
Unless you have a compelling reason - a reason more urgent than "I liked Texas and I hate the winters here" - then no, I would not move my daughter.
If your daughter is a teen, she will be in college soon (presumably), you can move to TX then, if you're still of a mind to.
I would appreciate some input. I am a single mom of a 14 year old girl and I want to move to Texas.We visited there a few years ago and really liked it and since then I have researched it and it sounds like a good place to live. We live in Rochester,NY and I can't stand the winters any more. My daughter was excited at first but now worries about leaving her freinds.I told her she can call them every day,IM them and we will visit. My family and her father are here. She barely ever spends time with her dad and talks with him once in awhile. Am I being selfish for wanting to do this?
Not at all. But, will you make better money? Are there more opportunities for your career?
Unless you have a compelling reason - a reason more urgent than "I liked Texas and I hate the winters here" - then no, I would not move my daughter.
If your daughter is a teen, she will be in college soon (presumably), you can move to TX then, if you're still of a mind to.
Is there another reason you want to move?
Agreed. It doesn't matter how much your daughter sees her father, moving away will be detrimental to their relationship. Unless she only sees him once a year and you are willing to pay for her to come back to visit over the summer, then it might be doable.
Also, is it in your custody agreement that you can move?
I have to say I'm with Sundance here. If you were having to move because of a job or even health reasons that would be different and there really is nothing you can do about it. But to move and up root your daughter because you can't take the cold anymore is a bit selfish IMO. She only has a few years left of school and right now is when kids really need good friends. (hopefully she has some good friends) To move her now and make her start over making friends would not be easy for her. Kids in high school are usually not as accepting of new kids and are not going to be so gungho at being her friend. What few friends she makes right off, may not be good for her and because you don't know them or their parents it would be hard for you to know whether they are good friends or not until it's to late and she starts doing things she may not have done with her old friends.
I too say wait it out in NY until she is through with High School and is either 1) old enough to be pretty much on her own in case she doesn't want to move with you or 2) wait until she is off in college.
Just because you are a single parent does not mean that your entire life must be a living hell. Obviously, there are limits but if the parents life will have a definite improvement especially in the area of a career then it is worth checking out.
Thank you all for your opinions. Are any of you a mom of teenagers? I have wanted to move for years but waited till she is old enough. she really doesn't have much of a relationship with her father and I have full custody but I am talking to a lawyer about taking her out of state. I don't think I want to wait 4 years till she is out of high school. I just want a better quality of life I get real down in winter. I drive school bus for a living so I can do that anywhere. She has 3 good friends and thats the only reason I hesitat but she could still talk to them everyday.I told her if after a year she doesn't like it we can come back. anymore opinions are apprieciated.
I say go for it - if you have a job to go to. This isn't exactly the economy to assume you could get a job anywhere. Just keep in mind, your family is here, and you will be alone in the new city too. It is very hard to be alone in a new city if you are not the type of person who can get out and make friends. The last person I would be worried about making friends is your daughter, she gets to be with kids all day. Unless she, under normal circumstances, has a hard time making friends. I wouldn't want her to be tortured because she does not have the social skills to make friends. But if she normally has no trouble talking to new people she should be fine.
Everyone gets anxiety at the thought of change, so her saying all of a sudden she is worried about leaving is normal. Especially now that it has had time to sink in. Besides, 14 is usually the freshman/sophomore year when the whole class will be looking for new friends. Just don't move in the middle of the school year when the kids already have theri cliques.
I'm glad you are already talking to your lawyer about this. I know my custody papers say I must give 60 day notice to the court that I intend to move - not to their father. The court notifies him by certified mail, and he has the option to contest and force a hearing. But there must be compelling evidence that the move will affect their relationship for my choice to be overridden. So keep a journal of the contact your daughter has with him. So if he would happen to contest, you have proof of their already distant relationship.
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