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My wife & I have a 2 and a half year old daughter. She's a great kid but her personality is "intense", for lack of a better word. She gets very upset when things don't go her way or she doesn't get what she wants. I don't think it's really anything all that unusual, especially being that she is in the middle of her terrible twos. But she's always been very emotional, even going back to when she was an infant with lots of crying, colic-y, etc.
What I'm wondering is, how much will her temperament change as she gets older? I guess I'm directing this question to parents of older kids--as they get older and enter their teen years and beyond, do they have the same basic personality as they did from their early years, or do they "calm down" (or vice versa for a particularly mellow kid)?
I know different ages will bring different challenges, for her and for us...what I'm really wondering is can we assume that an intense, emotional toddler will be an intense, emotional adult?
Yes. At 2.5 everything is very intense because it's the first time she's experienced many of these emotions. They *are* intense experiences for her.
Time and experience will make it better. Encourage her to develop tools to deal with her emotions and the situations that cause them. It's all part of growing up.
Some parts of their temperament stick with them. Its a lot easier looking back to say - yes, there's the persistent quality - than it is to predict the future temperament.
During the early elementary years, some of that turbulence mellows, and then resurges as they approach puberty and hit those lovely teen years.
Some intense kids need to be taught ways to relax and cope with frustration and failure. Just keep your finger on the pulse of her personality and go with what you need to do.
My easiest infant/toddler is now my most difficult teenager, our other two were a lot more "intense" and are not very easy, pleasant children. 2 1/2 is a VERY hard age for almost all children.
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Originally Posted by usedtobeanyer
My wife & I have a 2 and a half year old daughter. She's a great kid but her personality is "intense", for lack of a better word. She gets very upset when things don't go her way or she doesn't get what she wants. I don't think it's really anything all that unusual, especially being that she is in the middle of her terrible twos. But she's always been very emotional, even going back to when she was an infant with lots of crying, colic-y, etc.
What I'm wondering is, how much will her temperament change as she gets older? I guess I'm directing this question to parents of older kids--as they get older and enter their teen years and beyond, do they have the same basic personality as they did from their early years, or do they "calm down" (or vice versa for a particularly mellow kid)?
I know different ages will bring different challenges, for her and for us...what I'm really wondering is can we assume that an intense, emotional toddler will be an intense, emotional adult?
One of my cousins was the most ill-behaved, overbearing, screamy child I have ever encountered. She would hold her breath, stomp her feet, scream, cry and yell at her parents with little provocation. Somewhere around 8 years old that started to abate. Its funny, she is now one of the most even, collected, low-arousal personalities that I know.
While that is probably an extreme example, there is hope and people often settle into adulthood gracefully. Look at it this way, your daughter has a natural talent for speaking her mind and asserting herself. It will probably serve her well in her future dealings with men.
I think it all depends on the child, and genetics. My college-age children were very bad-tempered, stubborn, and impatient when young, especially my daughter. I'm afraid my husband and myself are similar in that regard. But now my son is extremely mellow, and my daughter has mellowed, too. They are still very stubborn though, just very calm and firm about it.
My easiest infant/toddler is now my most difficult teenager, our other two were a lot more "intense" and are not very easy, pleasant children. 2 1/2 is a VERY hard age for almost all children.
Yeah - I think you either "pay" up front, or down the road, in terms of dealing with challenging behavior. Some of that is up to the parenting, some is up to the child.
Sometimes it changes, other times not. My daughter was a quiet, shy book loving girl at 2. And very mild mannered. Now, she still loves books and has beautiful manners. But, she's alot more outgoing now at 7. Into sports and has tons of friends. I've read somewhere most of your personality is set at 7. I don't know if that's true. My son is very active but very loving. I have a feeling he might stay this way later. Two is a really hard time, but it's important to realize that the way you handle two can set the stage for later. When she's acting out, don't reward her by giving her attention and making a fuss. Reward her when she's calm, and make sure you and your co-parent model calm behavior for her. Speak in quiet tones, and be aware of what behaviors she might see that are less than calm in you. Children model what they see by their nature. Make sure to reward her with praise to encourage her calmness.
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