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Let's assume her delays and behavior point to a disability, just for the sake of argument. If she is disabled, pulling her out and sending her next year will not make her less disabled. Having her repeat K, especially with the same nitpicky teacher with the same entitled attitude that she does not have to address every child's needs (yes, I most certainly said it), your daughter will not be less disabled.
She has made progress before, in a structured program. She is catching up quickly. Holding her back is going to help her how?
The issue as I see it is the placement. The teacher appears to have very high standards for behavior, and she appears to have a low tolerance for your daughter's behavior. Instead of coming up with workable strategies, she papers you to death and shows wonderful professionalism by complaining to your son. What's he going to do, go make your daughter behave the way the teacher wants?
IMO, I think you should consider having your daughter moved to another room if there is one. This doesn't sound like a good match.
And one more thing. I respect those who believe their child needs another year before K. But some folks take it too far. A child needs another year to be a kid. Okay, so after that extra year, the child is not a kid anymore? What exactly is she then? An adult in K?
It's kindergarten. Kindergarten! Everyone needs to take a collective deep breath (including me, ha-ha).
At this point, she hasn't been diagnosed with a "disability", so holding her back could definitely help. It could give her more time to mature, and learn how to sit still in class, and wait her turn, or whatever other trouble she seems to be having. I think the parent needs to find out what all of these notes being sent home mean. Is she the only kid who is having notes sent home? Are all the kids? How does her behavior compare with the rest of the students'? The teacher needs to make the expectations clear, and the parent needs to respond to the notes by asking what it all means, and how to proceed. They can't just go through the year like this. they need to communicate!
I wrote my opinion about my decision that my son is too young for K, without wanting to bother everybody with details. Probably the saying "mother knows her child best" would not be enough for some, unless detailed explanation is provided.
To provide some, I will mention that I have two kids, one just finished K and is going into the 1st grade. Remembering her a year ago, how curious and concentrated she was, and how she treasured everything that happened in school, I can see the difference in my son. Mentally, he is still a toddler (that's what I meant by "being a kid"). He is very loud in public, and when asked to join something (just like they would in school), he runs away. He will not stay in line or sit at his desk for long, just like the OP's child.
Now, he had it much worse at 3 and 4 years old, and now at 4.5 I see a tremendous difference. That is why I agree with a poster who said a few months make a huge difference. My son will enter K when he's 5.5, and he will be a year more mature.
In short, I know my child's rate of maturation, and I know that even those simple requirements in K would be too much for him now.
Personally, I don't think that the OP's child is disabled or disadvantaged in any way. She mentioned that she's more of 3.5- 4 year old mentally. I immedially reflected on my son, who is about the same age mentally. If I were in the OP's shoes, I'd withdraw the child and wait for a year. Some kids are not ready emotionally, even though they may be ready academically. My son has known alphabet and numbers since he was 2.5, still I can see he's not ready behaviorally.
I agree! My son's only issue (needs improvement on his progress report) in preschool was waiting his turn to speak and only taking his share of the teacher's time. He is 6, and just started K. I volunteered in his class last week, and was so happy to see him staying in line, sitting in his correct spot, not talking out of turn... what a difference a year has made!
Back to the OP, lot of good advise up top and I just want to add that even if there are no 'diagnosed' disabilities, you can still form an IEP with the school system. Note that a lot of these developmental issues aren't diagnosed with a simple blood test. YOU are actually a big part of the diagnosis, and if there is any inkling of doubt on your child's developmental advancement you want to let the school know. They cannot provide for more in the classroom without a detailed IEP.
Your child may simply need some additional OT help (an aide that comes in) to figure out some coping strategies for her in situations where she may feel overwhelmed.
Also, keep in mind, that most classroom teachers ARE NOT trained in special needs. They took their one 3-hour credit class somewhere along the line in undergrad, but for most, that is it. And for those who majored in early ed/special needs, 99% of the time they are not full-time classroom teachers, but the special needs teachers.
Just as many times there are complaints about doctors not receiving enough social/emotional training in med school with how to handle patients, the same can be said for teachers. They are not trained to the extent that should probably be required in regards to special needs.
And in today's traditional school setting, it seems more & more children have IEPs. And some probably shouldn't have them. Just as some kids shouldn't be on Ritalin; some shouldn't have IEPs b/c they don't need them...it's mom & dad who thought they needed it b/c of just a whole host of reasons. This is not common, but it's also not uncommon.
Everyone wants a title: ADD. ADHD. Developmentally delayed. For some parents, it makes school easier for THEM. And it's taken away from those families who truly, truly have children who live with these chemical deficiencies or learning challenges. So, in time, teachers start to become a little insensitive to it all b/c of some of the "abuse" that goes on with medications and IEPs in school. I PURPOSELY quoted abuse b/c in NO WAY am I implying this for the OP...just giving some other things to think about in regards to how the teacher is handling her child.
But it's very much catch-22 b/c out of let's say a classroom of 20, 5 could have IEPs. And IEPS are very simple to read and basically comprehend.
But an IEP is just the basics. While it give the teacher an idea of what can be done to make the learning process productive and healthy for a special needs child, it does not do much more than that...
And as the OP said, there are 15 or something other kids in the class. The teacher probably has an aide. But 15 5/6 year olds...I know many say "Well, that's their job"...it is, but it's not so clear cut. Take your own child and multiple by 15 & then give each child a completely DIFFERENT personality
Just again, communication and patience. As a parent, you know your child best & hopefully your intution kicks in when it needs to.
I'm not so crazy about something going home being called a "sad gram". As a prior teacher, I'd never send home something like that; it's not beneficial and rarely does anything other than make a student feel bad. As a parent, if it was something that was ONGOING(2 or more days), I'd want a phone call asap! And I would be up there to discuss.
Also, keep in mind, that most classroom teachers ARE NOT trained in special needs. They took their one 3-hour credit class somewhere along the line in undergrad, but for most, that is it. And for those who majored in early ed/special needs, 99% of the time they are not full-time classroom teachers, but the special needs teachers.
Just as many times there are complaints about doctors not receiving enough social/emotional training in med school with how to handle patients, the same can be said for teachers. They are not trained to the extent that should probably be required in regards to special needs.
And in today's traditional school setting, it seems more & more children have IEPs. And some probably shouldn't have them. Just as some kids shouldn't be on Ritalin; some shouldn't have IEPs b/c they don't need them...it's mom & dad who thought they needed it b/c of just a whole host of reasons. This is not common, but it's also not uncommon.
Everyone wants a title: ADD. ADHD. Developmentally delayed. For some parents, it makes school easier for THEM. And it's taken away from those families who truly, truly have children who live with these chemical deficiencies or learning challenges. So, in time, teachers start to become a little insensitive to it all b/c of some of the "abuse" that goes on with medications and IEPs in school. I PURPOSELY quoted abuse b/c in NO WAY am I implying this for the OP...just giving some other things to think about in regards to how the teacher is handling her child.
But it's very much catch-22 b/c out of let's say a classroom of 20, 5 could have IEPs. And IEPS are very simple to read and basically comprehend.
But an IEP is just the basics. While it give the teacher an idea of what can be done to make the learning process productive and healthy for a special needs child, it does not do much more than that...
And as the OP said, there are 15 or something other kids in the class. The teacher probably has an aide. But 15 5/6 year olds...I know many say "Well, that's their job"...it is, but it's not so clear cut. Take your own child and multiple by 15 & then give each child a completely DIFFERENT personality
Just again, communication and patience. As a parent, you know your child best & hopefully your intution kicks in when it needs to.
I'm not so crazy about something going home being called a "sad gram". As a prior teacher, I'd never send home something like that; it's not beneficial and rarely does anything other than make a student feel bad. As a parent, if it was something that was ONGOING(2 or more days), I'd want a phone call asap! And I would be up there to discuss.
Good luck to the OP.
If that teacher has only 15 other kids in the room AND an aide, she is darned lucky. In my kids' schools, it's anywhere from 17 to 20-something kids in a classroom in the elementary grades (including K), mostly with no aide.
No it's not always the parents who want IEPs and medicated kids. Too often, they are browbeaten into doing so by schools that won't deal with their kids. Either you tow the line and: 1. pick little Johnny up when he's acting up, 2. test and medicate little Johnny for ADHD b/c he's acting up, or 3. agree to an IEP for little Johnny, or the school will send home nastygrams, suspend him, try to expel him (if things get bad enough), try to classify him as ED (if things get really bad), send him to an alternative school, or hold him back. Apparently all of this is easier and preferable to coming up with workable strategies to help little Johnny -- and being proactive instead of reactive.
Then there's the blame game. Teachers blame parents. Parents blame teachers. Not productive.
Then there's the blame game. Teachers blame parents. Parents blame teachers. Not productive.
That's mostly what it is...parents who know more than the teacher but do nothing other than blame the teacher and teachers who have an attitude & are fed up with dealing with behavioral issues...it's not really fair to the most important person in the situation...the student.
Keep in mind, it's easy to pump your kid up on Ritalin and no one but the doc & parent know....
but that's not what this post is about....
I remember from my teaching days that the behavioral issues (and all the forms they take) were what wore me down & then dealing with combative parents; detached parents; difficult principals; tons of red tape to get a grip on the issues...not easy....but I also remember some very amazing parents and students regardless of academic level...they do exist
The OP has a tough situation and probably some tough situations ahead, but there are ways to overcome and her child can have quite a happy educational experience.
Find a private school with a Transitional Kindergarten Program. The TK programs allow children just as your daughter to have one more year of growth and development prior to going to 1st grade. My son had a communication issue just as your daughter - he didn't have a behavioral issue. This will work great for both of you. Because these teachers are use to teaching and more importantly identifying issues and helping develop the children in their own issue areas. The child only need to attend one year and then they may return to public school in first grade.
This year, you will need to take a "hat in hand" approach with the teacher. Instead of accusing her of not understanding your childs needs, ask her if she has any suggestions to help. Enlist her support of your daughter by deferring to her as the expert....stroke her ego and do what ever it takes to get her interested in your daughters success!
Good Luck
PS. I knew I made the right decision to put my child in TK the first week of school. He came home so much more confident in his abilities and was, for the first time in his little life, happy to go to school.
My daughter is 5 yrs, was born at 31 weeks, and is developmentally delayed - speech wise, and I would say she is catching up fast, but mentally, is probably at that 3.5 - 4 yr stage. She started KG this year. When school started, we had met with her teacher and had explained to her about her, she is a smart child, and is catching up fast, but still is definitely not where an average 5 yr kindergartner is at.
It is now a month since she is going to school ( year round), and almost daily I am getting notes from the teacher about how she is not listening, following instructions, the TA complains to my son ( 2 yrs older) about how she did not listen to her today OR was not paying attention. The Friday folder has work that is sent with notes on how she is not doing this, would not understand the instructions...
Second time this week, a "sad gram" has been sent home for our signature - for taking a ball from another child and throwing it away/ and about her not keeping quiet in line.
While I realize this is a public school, and the teacher has 19 other kids to deal with, I am completely convinced the right approach is being taken in dealing with my child. I have requested a parent-teacher conference. My question is - how should I go about dealing with this? What should be my approach? I am aware, depending on how things go, we should probably have her repeat a year in KG. This will help her. But I also want the teacher/school to be open to dealing with a child who is developmentally behind, but who is catching up quickly. Any suggestions, anyone? What would you do if you were in my place?
Thanks,
Beth.
On one hand you say she is developmentally delayed, and on the other hand you say that you felt she was ready.
You listed her as mentally 3.5-4. Why would you think she was ready if she was mentally within that age range? Most children in Kinder are 5-6. Right there that would have been a red flag to me to not start my child that year.
I'm a teacher, and a mother. I don't think the teacher is doing anything wrong. She is giving you documentation, and probably herself. That documentation could come in handy in the future. As a parent, I would want to know all of this, especially since I know there's an issue already.
Also, the not listening and not following directions is a separate issue than not being able to complete academic work. That's important for you to know that she is having problems in all of those areas.
As for the "sad grams", it's a simple fact: she obviously broke a rule. There's no talking in line. Be respectful to others (throwing the ball away). It's something she did, and believe me, if another child did it, I am sure they got a sad gram too. Plus, you don't know if she received a couple of warnings, and then still did those actions.
I would have another meeting (which I know you are) before going above her head. Actually at my school, my principal wouldn't meet with you unless you had a conference with the teacher first. I would ask her- without seeming on the defense, what measures has she tried to try to make your daughter successful. We can't wave a magic wand. We can only try so much. Tell her you noticed that you receive many notes and perhaps ask why.
Your question is what would I do in your place? Well, first of all I wouldn't have put her in Kinder yet, being as I know that she is at the 3.5-4 stage while other children are at the 5-6 and higher stage.
Then I would do as I mentioned above and speak to the teacher. Maybe you're daughter isn't catching up as quickly as you think, unfortunately.
I think you've received some good advice about discussing the situation with the teacher. What occurs to me after reading the posts is how different is the kindergarten class size from the preschool one? Part of the problem may be as simple as your child adjusting to going from (in the case of my child) 8 children in a preschool class to 25 in kindergarten. That can be overwhelming for a child!
I'd have to agree that if your child has not been accessed and you feel the need to have her enrolled in Kindergarten now, you should seek out an appropriate class for her. Even here in ZERO budget Alabama they had an evaluation for the children to determine what level they were ready for...to place them with the right instructor.
See if there is a secondary Pre-K program at that school if her preparedness falls between the two grades.
Our teacher also uses the daily numerical scale to notify me of my daughter's progress and colored codes for behavior, all charted and some times it is a bit odd...we'll get a notation of "I helped her" instead of a daily score...and I always stop for a minute, a bit quizzical, thinking, yeah...I think you are supposed to be helping her...but then the more rational person processes what I think the teacher really meant and that it is (simply) that Sweet Pea was not up to the task. Something to work on. Just letting me know so that it can be addressed both at home and school.
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