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Just to answer a couple of questions. Yes I did get myself caught up with a bad crowd and I did do other drugs and it was a horrible experience. I would not wish that time on anyone! I would not want my daughter to go through that, but I feel like she is a lot like me and will just fly through life making mistake after mistake instead of learning the lessons and getting on with her life. I want her to avoid all the crap I did and mistakes I made. This is why I have been "preaching" to her why she needs to avoid certain things and have respect for herself etc. I guess it just goes through one ear and out the other. This is why I worry. My husband and I are moving like I mentioned before and he thinks we need to take 6 months to heal, go to counseling and prepare for our daughters return so we can help her get on her feet and get her into whatever sort of treatment she will need. He litterally wants to lose contact with everyone. They will have our numbers, but unless it is an emergency we would lay low for 6 months. We are praying that she will learn whatever lesson she needs to learn and learn it quickly so she can move on with her life. That is really all I can do. She refuses to talk to me. I heard from studio director and she was in class on Wed and they said she was leaving frequently to go to the bathroom to cry. No one paid any attention to her because they are all trying to get ready for recital. Parents are supposed to stand on stage with their Seniors and we have decided it is best to not go and show support. We do not condone what she is doing and I have not heard from her that she even would want us there anyway. She seems to be replacing us with this guys family anyway. We just can't stomach seeing them there and having to fake it. Wondering if us not being there will be a wake up call or if she would rather it be that way. Who knows at this point, but if she does not contact us then that will tell us we are not invited. If she does ask us to be there then we will reconsider, but the ball is in her court. She has the tickets so she has to decide. Sigh...
It is though. I regretted not walking with my class all my life, but the kids I was supposed to graduate with were like my family. I had been with them since kindergarten. Same for her. She has been with these kiddos since elementary. It was something I wanted for her so badly and she did too I thought. She thought she passed because she figured the teacher would just give her the 3 points. Consequences suck. I figure she is really having to face it now and that is why she is crying over it. At least I hope anyway. Every parent wants to celebrate their kids graduation. It is a major mile stone in ones life. I hope we get to see her walk when she graduates college. I pray anyway. I think the reason why it hurts so bad is because just 18 years ago I faced this same thing. I feel like I am kinda reliving it again. I think it is def time to deal with past issues of my own and pray we can help her get through this once she is ready. Thanks
Again.....your husband is right. Stop letting your daughter's actions destroy your family. Seriously.....please, stop it. You do realize, right....that if you're not careful, you're going to cause your whole family to fall apart, just because your daughter is not doing what you wanted her to do? You need to let it go before you lose a whole lot more than your daughter. You have other people in your life who DO want you and DO need you. Stop obsessing over your daughter and get your eyes back on the rest of your family.
It is though. I regretted not walking with my class all my life, but the kids I was supposed to graduate with were like my family. I had been with them since kindergarten. Same for her. She has been with these kiddos since elementary. It was something I wanted for her so badly and she did too I thought. She thought she passed because she figured the teacher would just give her the 3 points. Consequences suck. I figure she is really having to face it now and that is why she is crying over it. At least I hope anyway. Every parent wants to celebrate their kids graduation. It is a major mile stone in ones life. I hope we get to see her walk when she graduates college. I pray anyway. I think the reason why it hurts so bad is because just 18 years ago I faced this same thing. I feel like I am kinda reliving it again. I think it is def time to deal with past issues of my own and pray we can help her get through this once she is ready. Thanks
Let me point something out to you.
This is not the same situation as you faced 18 years ago.
Your daughter is not pregnant, she still has time to pull her head out of her ass go to summer school or go back for a semester next year and walk with next years class.
Your daughter is not going to have a child to take care of.
This isn't the same situation at all.
You got pregnant in high school, had to drop out, life was hard for you.
Your daughter stopped caring, failed a class and has PLENTY of options to walk next year if you want to see her walk.
You're overreacting to everything because it FEELS like it might start to be the same situation, which you need to quit doing. You need to quit making it so personal because it really isn't the same thing.
Brought the girl back to her home?
She's 18, legal to leave if she wanted to. The other family couldn't have legally done anything except made her leave the house.
Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you can break laws when it comes to your adult children.
Sure she is old enough to leave home -- but there is absolutely nothing that says they had to take her in and enable all this rotten behavior.
If they cared anything about her, or had any expectations this could be a lasting relationship, that she was more than a play toy for their son, they would want to maintain good relationships with her family.
They would not have given her a free place to stay so she could drop out of school, and you can bet your life they have no intention of providing her money for college. They do not care anything about her, that is very obvious. If they did, they would have told her her to go back home and finish school including college.
So yes the other family could have done an awful lot since the only way she's able to quit school and blow off her future is because they are making it all so possible. It really is almost more their fault that the girl's fault because without the temporary freebies, she would have to have a little independence and capability before she could leave home.
Sure she is old enough to leave home -- but there is absolutely nothing that says they had to take her in and enable all this rotten behavior.
If they cared anything about her, or had any expectations this could be a lasting relationship, that she was more than a play toy for their son, they would want to maintain good relationships with her family.
They would not have given her a free place to stay so she could drop out of school, and you can bet your life they have no intention of providing her money for college. They do not care anything about her, that is very obvious. If they did, they would have told her her to go back home and finish school including college.
So yes the other family could have done an awful lot since the only way she's able to quit school and blow off her future is because they are making it all so possible. It really is almost more their fault that the girl's fault because without the temporary freebies, she would have to have a little independence and capability before she could leave home.
It's not up to them to make decisions for this girl.
They let her stay because she is 18 and it was ultimately her decision.
Sure she is old enough to leave home -- but there is absolutely nothing that says they had to take her in and enable all this rotten behavior.
If they cared anything about her, or had any expectations this could be a lasting relationship, that she was more than a play toy for their son, they would want to maintain good relationships with her family.
They would not have given her a free place to stay so she could drop out of school, and you can bet your life they have no intention of providing her money for college. They do not care anything about her, that is very obvious. If they did, they would have told her her to go back home and finish school including college.
So yes the other family could have done an awful lot since the only way she's able to quit school and blow off her future is because they are making it all so possible. It really is almost more their fault that the girl's fault because without the temporary freebies, she would have to have a little independence and capability before she could leave home.
BINGO!! Unfortunately, some of these headstrong young people are like pitt bulls. They get this amazing fantasy into their heads and they'll do whatever it takes to get their way. These people might actually think they are "protecting" her. Heaven only knows the kind of stories she's told them about her home life. More than likely she's blown everything out of proportion, in regard to just how terrible it is at home with her family.
I'm sure they think she's a poor pitiful victim of overprotective parents, and a mother who is trying to live vicariously through her daughter. Truth be told, she's manipulating the boy's parents, because they don't really know the truth. I wouldn't be too hard on them...most likely they're pawns in all of this too.
BINGO!! Unfortunately, some of these headstrong young people are like pitt bulls. They get this amazing fantasy into their heads and they'll do whatever it takes to get their way. These people might actually think they are "protecting" her. Heaven only knows the kind of stories she's told them about her home life. More than likely she's blown everything out of proportion, in regard to just how terrible it is at home with her family.
I'm sure they think she's a poor pitiful victim of overprotective parents, and a mother who is trying to live vicariously through her daughter. Truth be told, she's manipulating the boy's parents, because they don't really know the truth. I wouldn't be too hard on them...most likely they're pawns in all of this too.
Exactly what I was thinking. The parents have heard one side, her's, and who knows what she told them.
BINGO!! Unfortunately, some of these headstrong young people are like pitt bulls. They get this amazing fantasy into their heads and they'll do whatever it takes to get their way. These people might actually think they are "protecting" her. Heaven only knows the kind of stories she's told them about her home life. More than likely she's blown everything out of proportion, in regard to just how terrible it is at home with her family.
I'm sure they think she's a poor pitiful victim of overprotective parents, and a mother who is trying to live vicariously through her daughter. Truth be told, she's manipulating the boy's parents, because they don't really know the truth. I wouldn't be too hard on them...most likely they're pawns in all of this too.
True, she's probably manipulating them into giving her a free place to stay, free food to eat. Still -- you'd think they'd have realized how close she was to graduating and if they cared anything about her, they would have made that a requirement in exchange for the free room and board they're providing.
And they must know she's laying around doing nothing with her self, not working, not going to class, no plans for college. I think it's not likely they'll want to go supporting her for very long.
This little girl has a LONG way to go if she thinks she's being independent, she's far far from it, but it's time she learn how she needs to have a job which means she's going to have to drop the partying and getting herself stoned, needs to work some long hours and pay her own rent and utilities.
The best thing for her will be when the party life comes to a complete halt because with no job skills, no high school diploma, independence is going to be costly and will mean long hours in some dreary job or 2 or 3 of them.
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Unfortunately, some of these headstrong young people are like pitt bulls. They get this amazing fantasy into their heads and they'll do whatever it takes to get their way. These people might actually think they are "protecting" her. Heaven only knows the kind of stories she's told them about her home life. More than likely she's blown everything out of proportion, in regard to just how terrible it is at home with her family. 
