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16 year old sophomore brings home a progress report card.
A's in PE and Horticulture (electives
D's in English, Biology and Computers.
He is mad that we are not "praising" him for the 2 A's and only looking at the D's. (which to his credit he brought up 2 of them to C's this week but who knows for how long)
Are we mean for not praising him for the A's?
He is also upset that while he does really well on tests, it is the not completing homework assignments that dragged his grade to a D. And that we aren't telling him great job on passing tests and only complaining about his missing homework assignments. Which the classes he got A's in doesn't have homework.
He is so used to in his other state school of just passing purely on his test grades. Where here in NC, it is only roughly 30 percent of his grades, 70% is homework.
This sounds like a bright kid who is bored with the hum-drum of every day school.
Sometimes, when moments like these arise, we must step outside ourselves and look at past point A and B and come up with a point C. Get your son involved into an activity that he enjoys (and I mean he, don't put him in football cause dad wants him to be in it) that he will only be able to participate as long as he is doing well in school. This way, he is getting the praise he is looking for and you are ensuring all the grades stay up.
Another idea is to find a way to connect the various subjects that probably will not raise the grades on their own but may make hime realize the relevance of the subject, like connecting horticulture with biology and how much he more he can do with the two with a computer. With all the latin names of plants, proper English and understanding Latin and Greek root words sure makes learning and remembering things for horticulture easier.
I still say he needs an exciting motivating after school activity.
If he is getting As on tests and his grades are Cs/Ds then he is lazy pure and simple. Are you seriously asking whether you should be praising his A in PE? That you are concerned you are mean based on a lazy 16 y.o. opinion? Good that he has A's in classes with no homework effort required but that will not help him later in life. Your job as a parent is to prepare him for life after he leaves the nest. If your only expectation of him (and his for himself) after high school is for him to have a job where he goes, does what he is told and comes home then I guess that's fine. If this is a new experience for him (sounds like you recently moved?) then it will take some getting used to but you may need to help him along with that at first. As a sophomore in HS, I would sit down and have a serious conversation with him about what HE wants out of life - and how he expects to get there. The actual accomplishment of those goals will have to come from him and him alone. One thing that was really a wake up call when we had a little "bump in the road" with grades when my DS was a freshman and also had some adjusting to do, was a reminder that our insurance company gives a "good student discount" for car insurance. The rule in our house is that if there is no "good student discount" (B average) there is no driver's license...That usually gets the attention of a 16 y.o. boy pretty quickly....
No you are not mean for not praising him for the two easy A's. You are correct in being more concerned about the D's.
I never understood how some kids could pass tests but fail their homework. For most kids it's the exact opposite which is why a lot of schools have the test scores be 25-30% of their total grade and the other 70-75% is for homework. Obviously if he can pass the tests with A's he knows his stuff and homework should be easy to do and get done rather quickly.
I know homework is a drag and it can take some kids several hours a night to complete, but if they have a good routine it makes it a bit easier.
If you haven't already, then it may be time for you to start getting him on a routine. Check with his teachers everyday as to what his homework assignments are and make sure that he is getting them done each night before he's allowed to do anything else. Some schools have a Homework Hotline number to call that tells you your child's homework assignments and some have their assignments online that you can check.
You might also get him a daily planner and help him use it. Kids that age (esp boys I think) can be very scattered and need some help in figuring out how to keep track of homework (and other activities) as well as scheduling time each day to get everything done. I also agree that having outside activities helps. I find sometimes (even as adults) the busier we are the more we accomplish.. If all this is new, he may just not know how to go about it. Another thing we do is have a rule about things like X-box not being used during the week - other families I know, the X-box is off limits during the school year altogether....only on breaks...You'll just have to find what works well for your family. 16 is old enough however that he should be starting to think about his future and how he plans to get there and you need to be realistic and direct about how much help you can/will be able to provide (w/r to college if that is what his plans are)....
You could point out that the fact that he IS passing his tests means that's he's obviously smart, capable, and isn't having trouble mastering the material, and therefore his low grades are entirely his choice. While I don't know about his specific homework assignments, good homework isn't just about mastering the materials covered by tests. Some homework is more worthwhile than others, but in that case he should just concentrate on getting it done with as fast as he can. He might not enjoy doing homework or want to do it, but sometimes that's just life. I think the situation would be different if he was doing his best and still was having trouble. Like others said, if he knows his stuff the homework should be quick to get through (in the case of math problems, etc.); with work like essays or research papers then it's the research, thinking, and writing process that matters. Not everything in an education (or life) can be boiled down to a test, and it's time he learns that.
English is the one that would concern me more than computers. He has to continue to take English throughout high school, most likely, and needs to be able to pass it or he might have difficulty graduating. That's where my focus would be and not on the actual letter grade.
Biology may or may not have been a good choice for him, so I'd consider that when looking at his progress. Is it the only science choice and is he actually learning? In Texas you have to pass a science exit test in order to graduate as well, so he could be vulnerable there.
We only had him living with us for a year now so he came with "bad habits".
We were able to establish a routine but he will flat out lie and say he is done when he isn't.
Now we pretty much took away everything (ie computer, cell phone, xbox etc) and he has to earn it all back.
He is involved in clubs and a sport of his choosing.
You hit it on the head, he is totally lazy. His mom had the same problem with him and didn't have time to sit with him. Well I do and I told him I have to treat him like my 3rd grader and stand over him.
So far so good since I started doing that. It is just frustrating that he is so close to graduating HS and needs to get his grades up for a decent college. We have put it to him plainly that a college is NOT going to care about his A's in PE and Horticulture and that his core classes are what counts.
He keeps promising to do better. And now with me standing over him literally, he is. Not wanting to do this for the next 2 years though!
This is my first "teen" and I just horrified at seeing the D's. LOL I am so used to seeing my younger 2's grades which are always all 3's or A's. I had to readjust my thinking. I also wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable. Now reading this thread, I don't feel like I am being too mean.
If he is getting As on tests and his grades are Cs/Ds then he is lazy pure and simple. Are you seriously asking whether you should be praising his A in PE? That you are concerned you are mean based on a lazy 16 y.o. opinion? Good that he has A's in classes with no homework effort required but that will not help him later in life. Your job as a parent is to prepare him for life after he leaves the nest. If your only expectation of him (and his for himself) after high school is for him to have a job where he goes, does what he is told and comes home then I guess that's fine. If this is a new experience for him (sounds like you recently moved?) then it will take some getting used to but you may need to help him along with that at first. As a sophomore in HS, I would sit down and have a serious conversation with him about what HE wants out of life - and how he expects to get there. The actual accomplishment of those goals will have to come from him and him alone. One thing that was really a wake up call when we had a little "bump in the road" with grades when my DS was a freshman and also had some adjusting to do, was a reminder that our insurance company gives a "good student discount" for car insurance. The rule in our house is that if there is no "good student discount" (B average) there is no driver's license...That usually gets the attention of a 16 y.o. boy pretty quickly....
This is very debatable. DH's and his family tell stories that they laugh at now about him skipping "boring" school and hiding in the aparment complex basement until his mother left for work so he could sneak back up and watch a special on Nova, Discovery Channel, or any history or science show, particularly about prehistoric life, plants, animals, and our prehistoric history. Guess what he does now? He has a business relying on this knowledge, teaching kids AND adults, and we write articles to magazines along with being involved with a National Geographic big discovery with some Natives to another country. We, such small people in a big world, are world reknown for what we have been able to do in these areas, and, even if it is in a small part, we have changed what your kids in school will learn about history.
Again, what you have here is a bright child who can get A's in subjects, elective or not, based on natural ability and his interest level. He is capable of getting those grades in a "boring" subject, HOWEVER, often times these kids need another type of modivation in order to stick it through.
No you are not mean for not praising him for the two easy A's. You are correct in being more concerned about the D's.
I never understood how some kids could pass tests but fail their homework. For most kids it's the exact opposite which is why a lot of schools have the test scores be 25-30% of their total grade and the other 70-75% is for homework. Obviously if he can pass the tests with A's he knows his stuff and homework should be easy to do and get done rather quickly.
I know homework is a drag and it can take some kids several hours a night to complete, but if they have a good routine it makes it a bit easier.
If you haven't already, then it may be time for you to start getting him on a routine. Check with his teachers everyday as to what his homework assignments are and make sure that he is getting them done each night before he's allowed to do anything else. Some schools have a Homework Hotline number to call that tells you your child's homework assignments and some have their assignments online that you can check.
Well that is easy, the kid is bored by subjects that are not of his interest and move at too slow of a pace for him.
If you have to stand over his shoulder, maybe you could give him the choice to homeschool or alt. ed those classes to get through them faster and have the time to do something he finds more interesting and productive. My oldest is only 7 and, while she has to do the subjects she does not like, she can get them done very quickly to get to do something more enjoyable to her vs sitting in a class for an hour bored 5 days a week. She can literally do in minutes what it takes a sixth grader takes a week to do in prealgebra. It is amazing to see how fast her little brain works. I can imagine forcing her to sit through classes such as math or spelling that she does well in and learns quickly for hours more than she needs to when she could be spending more time on things like chemistry, art, horticulture, biology, and other subjects she actually likes and studies without structure on her own. This keeps a balance, she learns what she has to and learns ahead where she does not have to so when we do get to that, it is as simple as testing out of each area of that subject, leaving even more time. It keeps her from getting too bored in one subject area.
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