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My son is great in many ways - good student - doesn't get in trouble - no drug issues etc but he always thinks only of himself. "How does this affect me?" is what he thinks whenever something is asked of me.
He lives with me his dad and I've supported him without child support and is now almost 18.
I've said I will help him with college and I will, but the recession has hit me hard and I'm scraping by. I also have a daughter and dog (lol) to support.
The problem is he claims I HAVE to pay for his college (aside from grants and loans) According to him -All his friends families are paying there children's and its expected... and sadly not appreciated. He may be correct in that the kids he hangs with at school are probably upper income two parent households and sure they can pay. I work for myself.
My feelings as a parent are hurt deeply by this attitude. Any plans or goals I have for myself and ridiculed by him because they could interfere with him.
I just wonder - I'm older and perhaps just out of touch. Kids often had to work for their parents to earn money for school - have attitudes changed that much?
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My wife and I intend to pay for both my son and daughter to get a 4 year bachelor's degree from college. Our parents paid for us to go and it has resulted in us earning an income well in the six figure range. It has made all the difference in the world to us.
Our offer to pay the expense of college is not unconditional though. Its conditional on them both applying themselves to their studies and getting decent grades. I cannot imagine a child telling a parent that paying for college is an obligation. That would sour me very quickly on that child. Frankly, it also makes me question the kind of parenting a child has gotten to be so ungrateful.
The whole question of college is getting very complicated. FTR, I do not agree with a number of people here who think young people should work their way through college without any assistance from home. College tuition here at a state university or college is between $2500 and $3000 per semester or $5000 to $6000 a year. A young person without financial assistance from home would not only have to earn this, but they would have to earn at the minimum an after-tax income of probably twice that amount or $12,000 a year. There is a recession going on right now and those hardest hit are entry level workers with few job skills or no job skills. When I went to college from 1977 to 1981 tuition averaged about $750 to $1000 a year. This expense was comparatively low. Its a far different thing to tell a young person today that "if they work hard" they can support themselves and afford $6000 a year in college tuition (not including books or other academic expenses). That kind of statement borders on fantasy for most kids. Scholarships are available, but are limited to those with very high grades and often only cover a portion of expenses.
I've seen too many situations where young people drop out of college because they can't afford the expense. Student loans are available, but they don't go as far as they used too and they leave a college graduate often with a mountain of debt.
I blame we adults in a fashion. We were the ones on watch while college tuition increased at a rate even higher than health care expenses. Why didn't we do something? Why haven't we written our state legislators and the board of regents and told them to stop these mammoth tuition increases? I'm ashamed at the way this has been tolerated.
So if your finances change significantly and your child turns out to be a self centered brat with a sense of entitlement you'd put your retirement at risk for THAT?
Sorry, nope.
I have no problem helping out an adult child with the cost of furthering their education as long as they do their part by applying themselves in HS so that scholarships are available, and continue to apply themselves in college. I am not footing the bill for a 4-5 year party for an immature person who has no idea what they want to do or why they are at college. I think most of the parents on here have said as much. Obligation is a two way street.
Yes...there is a recession going on...there are plenty of unemployed college grads too.
One way to reduce the expense of a bachelor's degree is to go to a community college for their associate's. During those 2 years, the student can work, along with some support from his parents, and save a portion of his earnings for the last 2 years for his bachelor's.
Tell the kid he's going to community college first.
Another thing you can do, too, is to check with your high schools regarding classes they may take and college credits they may earn during their high school years and even summer school. Not only can this save you money, but can also help your student complete a bachelor's degree in a shorter amount of time, or allow them to take less classes per quarter/semester so that they may work a bit more to earn more money while in college. Our local university and community college also offers courses to high school students so that they may get a jumpstart on their college education, so you might seek out that information as well.
Honestly, either Community College for a couple years, or wait for college for a couple years are very reasonable alternatives.
There is no crucial reason for a young person to HAVE to go into a four year college immediately out of high school.
Steelstress, an Associates degree has different requirements than what is required to transfer to a 4 year in two years, but going to a Community College is an excellent money saver.
My daughter has two friends who are going to CC for their gen ed requirements. They live at home and work full time. Their classes are in the evenings. Next year, one will transfer to a university out of state, and the other will continue for another year. They are both on the Dean's List, and they are sisters. The only help they have is living at home. Both pay for their own classes.
My daughter wants to travel, so she and her friend plan to work for a year or so as they travel in different states, go overseas, then enter college. They have plenty of time, all the breaking loose from family behavior will be over, and they can settle into a solid education.
There are no rules that a person MUST enter a four year college right out of high school.
Hypnosis after you answer "no excuses" about which planet you live on -please read the entire thread before coming at the last page.
Let me reinterate and amplify
He was already accepted at the best public univ in our state,
I invested to where I had more than enough for all four years of college but a recession, combined with a hurricane ( wiped out our buyer) and an odd FAA ruling (canceling a sale) all at one time go it to where I can still help with college but want it appreciated. I can't help as much as I could before the recession but I can make a big dent and still do a venture that came up for me where I will be paid back for what I put in - I need his help not his judgment.
Had I invested in a savings acct over the years - the inflation would have made the net worth less than the savings interest. Hindsight is great -even from some who seem a bit blind lol.
One again the basic question Is it all about him? Are parents OBLIGATED to pay for college? Should a parent's goal or opportunity have any value or should a child be able to veto it and not help?
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