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sure Annie it was the "right thing to do " BUT as long as the right thing is always done means the other kids mom doesnt have to be a mom.. ANY KID who's mom lets her have 16 yr old b/fs or smoke pot needs the reminder that parenting doesnt stop when the kid is 12 or 13.. .. I would have told my kid that it was time to go and the other girl had to call her mom to tell her befor I left .. .. but I would leave .. after telling the renta cop the kid was there unsupervised .. .. the deal was for 9:30 so somebody was responsible and checked on her kid and friends AND was willing to be responsible and thoughtful and take the other girl home.. .. if the other mom said her kid was ok being left alone I would taking my daughter and left ..
Way to many parents today have no common sense or regard for the children or the parents who do have rules and limits ..
At this point if they hang out it should be on your terms. At your house or if they go somewhere you should be the one to pick them up. I wouldn't count on the other parent at all.
Right. I think I have to insist that they do hang out here (which was why I elected to be a stay at home mom in the first place). It may be more fun at the other house, but OH WELL.
It is more complicated b/c the girls are on a team together and I have to see the mom at the competitions, so I don't want to cause a problem. I just never would have guessed that the mom was like this.
Leaving the friend at the carnival is just something that I couldn't do. If something happened to her, I wouldn't forgive myself.
Right. I think I have to insist that they do hang out here (which was why I elected to be a stay at home mom in the first place). It may be more fun at the other house, but OH WELL.
It is more complicated b/c the girls are on a team together and I have to see the mom at the competitions, so I don't want to cause a problem. I just never would have guessed that the mom was like this.
Leaving the friend at the carnival is just something that I couldn't do. If something happened to her, I wouldn't forgive myself.
I think you should get over the idea that you are right and the other mom is wrong. It's two different outlooks nothing more.
TALK to the other mom but don't try to convince her that she should raise her kid by your rules as you wouldn't be receptive to her doing that. Either you will be able to come to an agreement with her about rules for your daughter when they are together, or you wont.
It's good for kids to learn that different households have different rules and yours are what get followed because she's your daughter. She should know right from wrong and have the courage to voice her opinion when she sees a friend doing something she knows isn't right and refrain from doing it herself.
An above poster said make arrangements with the parents, not the other child. GOOD IDEA. Let them cook up what they may, but then insist on speaking with a parent to cement plans, at least for another year or so.
Agree.
13 y.o. child.
As the parent, you are in charge.
There is no point in making arrangements with the other child.
You make the arrangements with the other parents.
Personally I am not into going and checking on the kids. Although I am I think very strict in terms of behaviour and restrictive in what my kids are allowed to do and when. When I do allow them out, I trust them. However they must phone if what they are doing crosses the boundaries so to speak
In the example that the OP posted, I would have expected a phone call at 9:35 from my daughter saying that they had not been picked up. I would have phoned the other parent (Ofcourse I would have their number because I would have spoken to them earlier). Now lets imagine that I did not have the number and I had not called them, then I would have at that time gone and gotten my daughter. However I would have stayed with the other girl. Because once I arrive, I feel that as an adult that I have assumed responsibility. I would hate for the other girl to get into trouble after I had left her on her own. So I would have either taken her home to her place or our place or if she was being obstinant I would have stayed at the fairground with my daughter. I would nothave followed the other girl around. If she was willing to sit and talk then I would have done that. I would not tag along with her going on rides or sight seeing but I would not have left either. Probably tried to sit near the entrance and watch for her parents.
Exactly. It's no more the other mom's job to yield to the OP's standards of parenting than it is the other way around.
I'm not implying that I should force my views on the other mom. Although I'm astounded at her permissiveness, I respect her as a mother to do what she thinks is right for her child (although I may disagree).
The carnival scenario would have been avoided if I called the mom, but the friend made me think that she was unreachable (she was at work). I really should have called anyway.
I'm (finally) going to get a texting phone and touch base with the other mom (who does text) and my kid will also be able to notify me when they decide to go and do something else (such as walk to the 7/11 or something). My daughter loves this idea since she can text me the ol' "I want to go home" without her friend knowing.
I found the over protective mothers to be annoying. They held on way too tightly. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't allow their children to have little moments of independence. Like sitting in a movie theater with their friends while an adult watched a different movie. Or why on earth wouldn't they let their children stay alone at the roller skating rink for two hours on a Saturday afternoon when they were middle school aged. And walking to the neighborhood ice cream parlor or convenience store was too dangerous. It's very interesting now that our children are young adults. My children grew into young adults who make responsible decisions. Meanwhile, their children have made some absolutely terrible, life changing decisions. From what I've witnessed, over protectiveness has not turned out to be good parenting in the long run.
sure Annie it was the "right thing to do " BUT as long as the right thing is always done means the other kids mom doesnt have to be a mom.. ANY KID who's mom lets her have 16 yr old b/fs or smoke pot needs the reminder that parenting doesnt stop when the kid is 12 or 13..
Way to many parents today have no common sense or regard for the children or the parents who do have rules and limits ..
But that's your opinion and your way. You have the right to parent as you see fit. As do they - regardless whether you consider it adequate parenting. You don't have the right to call the shots for someone else.
So all you can do is what is best for YOUR kid - and that may mean not permitting your kid to be around THAT kid or allow the parents of THAT kid to be responsible for your child.
So yes, it's the right thing - and what you want to do is ILLEGAL!
What Aidxen would do and what Corky would do differently (being in touch with the other parents ahead of time) are really the only options - other than creating a greater problem by restricting your child's ability to learn and grow.
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Or why on earth wouldn't they let their children stay alone at the roller skating rink for two hours on a Saturday afternoon when they were middle school aged. 
And walking to the neighborhood ice cream parlor or convenience store was too dangerous. 
It's very interesting now that our children are young adults. My children grew into young adults who make responsible decisions. Meanwhile, their children have made some absolutely terrible, life changing decisions. From what I've witnessed, over protectiveness has not turned out to be good parenting in the long run. 
