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I'm curious back to the OP how this situation works?
I'm assuming the childs mother is working and the child is with dad who is on-call.
Don't remember a mention of where the mom is in this. What is she doing that she can't watch
her own child?
Regardless the basic problem isn't with your freeloading relatives dumping their child on you.
The wife picks the child up so she isn't being ambushed at the door with baby.
The problem is that the OP and his wife don't communicate.
He doesn't want this child all the time over the house, she does. OP you may believe she doesn't but her actions indicate that she may agree with you verbally (that's to make you feel better) but she still goes and gets that baby. OP you need to get communication going with your spouse and work out some sort of compromise. If not you eventually won't be putting up with one baby, it will be all their children and you won't be going out for quiet but for good.
I'd agree. If the husband is on here venting instead of having an honest discussion with his wife; or if the wife knows how he feels and continually chooses to disregard his feelings; or if the wife actually likes babsitting more she is letting on to her husband....all those things reflect on a marriage and are fairly significant.
As someone who went through something similar, I agree with you 100%.
The problem here is that you've got a marriage and then you've got a family. Eventually, the OP's wife will have to come to terms with where her loyalties lie (especially if they are in conflict) but until then, the OP has to deal with a family that his wife was born into. They have shaped her expectations of how she lets them treat her, how they expect her to behave and how much she's willing to put her own need behind the needs of her obviously selfish relatives.
This is not a battle that is going to be easy. I've been married to my husband for 11 years and the first 5 were spent in constant conflict with his family members. Trust me...I went though it all...the nasty e-mails, the exclusion from family activities, the alienation of my kids from their cousins, being labeled as the troublemaker, the list goes on. Now that I am on the other side and my husband finally saw the light and realized that I am his family now and I am the one with his best interests at heart, things are so much better. But, only because I have hindsight can I say that while I was going through it, I had some serious doubt as to whether or not our marriage was going to make it. It took us a move across the country to finally get things on track but we are better for it and our marriage is stronger without the so-called help of not-so-well-meaning family members.
Maybe offer to take care of the kid 1 time per week and no more.
I think the problem is that the floodgate has already been opened. 1x per week would have been okay had they done that at the beginning, but now there is an expectation and 1 day will turn into 5 days. For right now, they are going to have to say "No." It's not their job to watch their relative's kids...especially since they don't have their own and can't ask for a return favor. The OP's wife has a selfish family and she has been labeled as the peacemaker and the one who will always help. It's very hard to turn that around and the OP is going to have to be the designated a%%hole for a while. It WILL get better, but it's like any habit to break...very difficult at first but gets easier after a time.
These liberals not the whole party, they are very hippie like. "like whatever man, take life as it comes"
How is it not obvious to them that this is a problem? they know how I feel and yet they just keep on bringing over the crying baby all the time.
I do admit I am not a kid guy, they drive me crazy.
If they're really like that, then they won't have any problem AT ALL if you start planning and scheduling some date-nights with your wife, thus making it nigh on impossible for her to watch the kid. She'll be too busy in bed with you, to watch much of anything, except perhaps the reflection in the mirror on the ceiling.
Your wife: "Sorry Sis, me and Herman have reservations for two at Mac Chez Donnoughs that night, and won't be home to watch Junior."
Her Sister: "Like whatever man, take life as it comes."
Your wife: "We plan on it, sis. Good luck finding a sitter. Buhbye."
We've just stopped answering the phone when they call, I think they are starting to get the point. They actually asked me to watch him on Monday Mem Day, I said no way in you know where am I watching that kid for 4 hours+ on my holiday off. To me even ask someone to watch him on Mem. Day just shows how stupid they are.
We've just stopped answering the phone when they call, I think they are starting to get the point. They actually asked me to watch him on Monday Mem Day, I said no way in you know where am I watching that kid for 4 hours+ on my holiday off. To me even ask someone to watch him on Mem. Day just shows how stupid they are.
They are not stupid, they are just trying to see how much they can get away with. BTW did you actually tell them that? Or did you just say no? Now your wife has to practice saying no so they do not corner her.
I think leaning on family from time to time is okay - however, this is the same as many things...moderation. What you should do is talk to your wife - invite the sister and family over for dinner and broach the subject. This way your not leaving them high and dry so to speak and then you can just approach it like adults. Even joke around about it...hey we were testing the waters out with our niece/nephew and now were not so sure said laughingly will not upset them but then make sure they understand that as much as you want to be there that the situation can't stay the way it is because you have your lives and life can get busy and go by quickly...if they love you they will get it..
LOL, Here is the kicker. They asked us if we are moving anytime soon and asked if we wanted to move closer to them which is only 15min away, so we wouldn't have to drive so far to see their kid. Newsflash: 15min drive in a big city is close and second, no we want to be as far away from you leeches as possible.
Any time we say something intresting happened in our life such as Hey we saw a deer the other day they will ask : well did (name of baby) see it? did you show it to him? or if we say oh we saw sherk 2 the other day they will say: Oh (baby's name) would love to sit down with you and watch it again.
They talk about their baby non-stop and it's all they talk about, oh did you hear what (babys name) did yesterday it was the cutest thing.
Seriously, I have never been so bombarded with baby this and baby that before by any young couple. They are obsessed with their kid and seems to think that just b/c we are family we should be drooling over the kids every move.
Were not! This kind of stuff doesn't even want to make me hang out with them or be by their kid.
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